To think this is very cheeky - re home schooling

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

My DB and SIL have had SIL's mum (lets call her Jean) living with them since April so that they could WFH whiles she looks after their 4yo and 6yo, as they're both in high pressure roles. Jean is 69 and has been retired from nursing for about 5 years and watched the kids 3 days a week before they began school.

However it seems it's all gone tits up today, SIL's mum has packed her bags and gone home after a disagreement with DB and SIL.
Apparently they aren't happy that she hasn't really been doing the home schooling stuff, despite forwarding her the teacher's emails every day. SIL said she would "sit on her phone in the living room while the kids watched TV."

They spoke to her today and said that it's very important the kids get their home work done and she needs to do the work with them. Long story short - Jean stropped off and went home. Now they're in a huge panic about it (the reason I know all this is that SIL rang and asked if I could spare a few days to look after the kids while they find a new solution, as I am furloughed).

AIBU to side with Jean on this one?
The poor woman worked her whole life, lost her husband in her 50's, when she did retire she went straight to doing childcare for free 3 days a week, went from retired solitude to suddenly living in a busy house with 2 energetic kids as a favour. They are 4 and 6, it's not like doing their GCSE's, DB and SIL seem to think that not doing cutting and sticking tasks assigned by the school will doom them to a life of stupidity. And, to me, when you ask such a huge favour you don't get to be picky about the details. If she wants to sit on her phone all day, as long as the children are distracted from bothering mummy and daddy then whats the problem?!

I said no to the childcare BTW. I have 2 of my own to look after and I can barely be bothered home schooling my 2 (it's also against the rulez innit)

I still can’t believe that they simply emailled Jean the schoolwork and didn’t discuss their “expectations” with her. Did she actually know she was supposed to be teaching them as well as looking after them? They sound like shit communicators.

Jees, we are struggling and ours are a lot younger, it has all changed.

Jean deserves a rest.

I’ve just read OP again and Jean looked after the kids prior to all this.. so it does seem there is no issue other than the school work? Because if there was a problem why did they suggest Jean moves in with them all?

Some people are just entitled. I hope they are paying her if they are expecting such a high standard of service. 3 days a week is a lot too. I can’t believe many grandparents are doing this long term like Jean at 69.

Hopefully tomorrow Jean can have a lie in, followed by a nice relaxing bubble bath and late breakfast, read a book then meet a friend in the park. I wonder if the couple will realise how much she did for them when she is no longer doing it!

Well done Jean , hope you enjoy abit of me time!!

They are 4 and 6, it's not like doing their GCSE's, DB and SIL seem to think that not doing cutting and sticking tasks assigned by the school will doom them to a life of stupidity.

I'm applauding you and Jean here.

Well said, and well done Jean.

@Noconceptofnormal, I suspect you missed the bit about the walks, the bike rides, and the days spent at Jean's allotment. The children have had what sounds like a wonderful time.

Lovely Jean! I hope she is having some and , and here's some too. That was a huge ask, they should have been kissing her feet not complaining. Huge ask! I think she needs some too

Well done Op for not signing up to be the backup!

Sitting on your phone all day while a 4 and 6 yo watch TV for 3 months is atrocious care. It's not the default I would expect from someone who had agreed to look after my kids even if they had offered to do it for free. But I also wouldn't expect a 69 year old to be able to look after two youngsters full time properly by default. I wonder what sort of communication and follow up there was by either party. Even if expectations were misaligned at the start I would have expected it all to come out after the first week or so unless Jean just plain lied to them about what was happening.

I'm not surprised they don't think it's good enough, I wouldn't. But it seems like DB and SIL should have handled things a lot better and a lot sooner and, probably, hired a nanny to do it instead of the children's grandmother. And their sudden panic now suggests they've just been entitled about it rather than thinking about what their children needed and trying to do the best they could in the situation they were in.

When I read this I totally pictured Jean sashaying out of there with her bags and strutting off into the horizon.

And rightly so.

It’s cheeky

And if they expected education they should have indulged in communication wayyyy before now.

Although I do hope the kids get to see Jean soon though because she sounds fabulous and I bet they miss her

Omg tell them to stick it jean!

I’m a sahm, granted my kids are younger (2 and 4), but doing any kind of “school work” with the oldest is such hard work that I’ve mostly given up. I am so tired looking after them day in day out alone. And I’m not 69!!! Hats off to anyone wfh and doing this at the same time.

Unless jean is literally sat on her phone the entire day (id bet everything that this is absolutely not the case, and if it is - then why has it been allowed to go on for 2 months?), then as long as the kids are clean and warm and fed and doing age appropriate activities (such as bike riding and allotment), the parents should be so massively grateful that they can work in peace and presumably have evenings free.

If they’re that bothered about school work they should be doing it themselves with them. Let grandma be grandma

They wanted childcare. They got childcare.

If it's genuinely taken them since March to realise that the children aren't doing school work then they're genuinely crap parents.
If they were so concerned, why haven't they been teaching at the weekend, 1 child each, great quality opportunity.

I feel relieved for Jean. She's been treated like "staff".

I find teaching my ds4 bad enough and that's just one. We've actually gone very laid back now as he has jumped ahead of all work sent from nursery just from sitting with his books (always been like this, struggles for ages and then suddenly jumps). We're letting him go at his own pace BUT if we did have free childcare of some kind you have to work with whoever is doing it. When mil looks after him we know there are more treats etc and we've sort of accepted, if she didn't want to do his reading and writing with him we would accept that as he has become very stubborn and its our place to work with him and not hers

I do think Jean could have said earlier that she wasn't doing the schoolwork with the DCs so the DPs could decide if it was important enough to change their working routine to cover it or try to do it in the evening.
I get that she isn't free childcare, but it's somewhat disingenuous to keep receiving a daily email about school work for months without saying you aren't going to be doing any of it. She could have asked the DPs to read it and pull out what's needed for example on a daily basis.

@rookiemere

I do think Jean could have said earlier that she wasn't doing the schoolwork with the DCs so the DPs could decide if it was important enough to change their working routine to cover it or try to do it in the evening. I get that she isn't free childcare, but it's somewhat disingenuous to keep receiving a daily email about school work for months without saying you aren't going to be doing any of it. She could have asked the DPs to read it and pull out what's needed for example on a daily basis.

Who would email their mother? Or Inlaw. They were all in the same house. If it’s got to this stage there’s more to it because it’s odd. They are OPs children after all.

Sweetlikecora I agree the whole situation is odd, but parents were emailing the DGM because they were forwarding the school email to her. Parents should indeed have checked that she was comfortable with the email contents, but also if you received an email every day with something you had no intention of doing or weren't able to do, you'd have a conversation about it wouldn't you ?

@Sweetlikecoca, they aren't OP's children.

Cheeky fuckery of the highest order to treat Jean like that and then when Jean had enough approach OP!

Think that nannies etc are now back at work? so if they can’t adequately supervise and help their DC they could stump up for childcare/tutors! If that’s not an option due to the rules/finances, they’ll need to do what the rest of us are doing and muddle through!

@BoomBoomsCousin

Read the thread you numpty!

The SIL and BIL are cheeky fuckers, plain and simple.

Jean has taken the children out on bike rides to the local nature reserve and down to her allotment. If she the sort of person to grow her own veg in an allotment (lots of work involved) then she’s bound to be keen on cooking too. You don’t grow lots of veg and then live off take aways!

It’s also highly unlikely that in between time, Jean has been sat on her phone all day. I imagine that Jean is more likely to engage in actual conversations with real people. I bet she’s done a lot of other fun things with her grandchildren too, just not formal schoolwork.

I can’t believe the parents were in the same house and actually forwarded emails to their parent. What a pair of entitled wankers! The schoolwork is the 100% parents responsibility.

In fact, why did they bother having children if they expect either grandparents or the State to bring them up?

I hope Jean gets to see this thread!

Well done Jean. BIL and SIL are so rude and entitled that they 'assumed' Jean would be their children's teacher.

This reminds me of something my DSIS did (nothing to do with lockdown). She works shifts and myself and our DF looked after her son whilst she worked. I had my nephew for a full weekend each month. He was struggling in school with maths, so I offered to help him. When he came to my house he brought some maths books with him.

Roll forward a month and he turns up with his books and nothing had been done since the last time he stayed. My sister had a rant as she said that our DF had not done any maths work with her son, when he stayed at his house.

I asked her what she had bothered to do with her own DS and she said 'I have been working'. The lazy cow had had a full 7 days off work during that month and gas done no maths with her DS but moaned about our DF not doing anything.

I told her she was a lazy, entitled, cheeky f**ker and to teach her own DS from now on because I wasn't doing it and neither was our DF.

Regardless of working, the responsibility for school work lies with the parents.

Good for Jean, to the posters that say looking after two young children and home schooling can be done standing on your head, I don't think you are taking Jeans age in to account, my grandson wears me out just having him for a fun weekend and I'm much younger than her, that's why we have menopause we are officially too fucked to raise kids. Well done op a wise decision on your part not to have them.

Good for Jean.

And she was taking them for bike rides, walks and to her allotment! No wonder she needed a sit down with her phone while they watched TV.

Two parents WFH and yet they cannot do a bit of reading with child?

Jean, where are you? We’re all team Jean, give us an update!