To think this is very cheeky - re home schooling

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

My DB and SIL have had SIL's mum (lets call her Jean) living with them since April so that they could WFH whiles she looks after their 4yo and 6yo, as they're both in high pressure roles. Jean is 69 and has been retired from nursing for about 5 years and watched the kids 3 days a week before they began school.

However it seems it's all gone tits up today, SIL's mum has packed her bags and gone home after a disagreement with DB and SIL.
Apparently they aren't happy that she hasn't really been doing the home schooling stuff, despite forwarding her the teacher's emails every day. SIL said she would "sit on her phone in the living room while the kids watched TV."

They spoke to her today and said that it's very important the kids get their home work done and she needs to do the work with them. Long story short - Jean stropped off and went home. Now they're in a huge panic about it (the reason I know all this is that SIL rang and asked if I could spare a few days to look after the kids while they find a new solution, as I am furloughed).

AIBU to side with Jean on this one?
The poor woman worked her whole life, lost her husband in her 50's, when she did retire she went straight to doing childcare for free 3 days a week, went from retired solitude to suddenly living in a busy house with 2 energetic kids as a favour. They are 4 and 6, it's not like doing their GCSE's, DB and SIL seem to think that not doing cutting and sticking tasks assigned by the school will doom them to a life of stupidity. And, to me, when you ask such a huge favour you don't get to be picky about the details. If she wants to sit on her phone all day, as long as the children are distracted from bothering mummy and daddy then whats the problem?!

I said no to the childcare BTW. I have 2 of my own to look after and I can barely be bothered home schooling my 2 (it's also against the rulez innit)

Go Jean!

What's also annoying is that their kids are in Y1 and pre school and their school offered to take them both back on 1st June and they said no!
Well that was silly!

I'm so happy for Jean. An I also can't believe the cheek of DB and SIL!!

I can see both sides. Of course Jean is doing them a massive favour. But equally when I leave my children in someone else's care I expect them to act broadly as a parent would. During the school day with school age children during a time of home education I'd expect that to include some school work to be honest.

I’m a bit on the fence with this one. I think there are possibly two sides.

I used to be in the position of receiving free childcare for two dc, from my mum. She absolutely (genuinely) insisted. I was VERY grateful, as was dh. We showed it in lots of ways.

But being grateful doesn’t mean you can turn off your parenting completely...and more and more we found we were tiptoeing around things. Mustn’t bring it up, we must be grateful. Mustn’t mention it, it’s free childcare after all. Never mind, I know we’d rather she didn’t but we mustn’t look like we’re being CF, don’t mention it.

Nothing horrific, just lots of fairly minor things. Too much TV. Too many biscuits. Naps late in the day meaning they were up till midnight.

There was one thing we had to mention and did it in as diplomatic a way as possible...and we were told my house, my rules. That was the last day my mum ever cared for the dc full time and she saw much less of them after that as a result (not in a spiteful way, in a practical way as we put them with a cm).

It’s lovely of Jean to offer/agree to childcare but from the POV of meeting the child’s needs, whether it’s paid for or free makes little difference...minimum ‘standards’ still apply.

Theres some responsibility on behalf of the Carer to make sure they’re willing to work with the parents to an extent or to not offer care in the first place.

To those of you who expect more than basic childcare and/or had your parents provide childcare - did this expectation include a situation where there's a global pandemic, no one can leave the house like they usually do or go and see their friends, and everyone's life has been completely upended?

Jean you rock.

Bet Jean sleeps well tonight and wakes up smiling.

Good for Jean. However I am from the Grandparents are there to have fun and not be childcare’s school.
I love my Dc. I had them youngish (early 20s) and will have my life to live and enjoy if and when grandchildren come along. I won’t want to be an unpaid nanny, let alone a teacher

I bet they are in panic mode now. Of course it wasn't Jean's responsibility to educate a 4 and 6 year old. What a pair of fucking eejits.

Team Jean

I'm glad Jean has gone home. I doubt she spent all day on her 'phone, that was an exaggeration. However, from what I've read on here, parents have great difficulty in getting their children to do school work so grand parents are not going to be any different - might even be worse.

The couple should have got their kids to do some school work early evening or at the weekend - and good luck to them with that. Now what are they going to do?

I think you dodged a bullet there, OP. Sounds like Jean was taken for granted, and it wouldn't be long before you were too.

Presumably they weren't paying her, just expecting her to act like the hired help for free?

Bit of a fucking liberty. Don't get dragged in. They made their bed - time to lie in it.

I will go against the grain and say that actually, it was a reasonable expectation that she would be covering their home schooling if she was there because the parents needed to work full time.
Age 4 and 6 the children won't have been set anything too complex/specialist to teach and it will only have been a short amount of time per day - my YrR has had something like 6 sums to 10, 3-5 lines of writing, watch a 5min video of a story being read/do some reading aloud (alternately) and a suggestion of something creative/active to do per day - and given that both children could do the creative/active parts and any videos together (it actually takes a bit of pressure off thinking of ideas constantly) it isn't that much to fit into a full office-hours day. Even if sums etc weren't being written down they could be done with sticks on the walk etc (are the parents sure that they haven't been?).

Responsibility for the dc's education definitely rests on the parents. If they wanted the dc to do schoolwork they should have been finding time to do it themselves in evenings and weekends. The should have realised how massively lucky they were to have fulltime childcare and not pushed their luck.

Home they enjoy managing the childcare and work juggle that most of us have been doing for weeks.

Doesn’t it rather depend on what was agreed with Jean before she moved in?

If she came to “look after the kids so you can work”, good on her for walking out. If some school work was always expected, she was told this needed to be done and she agreed to that, I’d be v cross if it wasn’t done! (Or at least attempted depending on co-operation levels of the kids). I also wouldn’t be very happy about them being in front of the tv all day, but a fair amount of tv interspersed with other activities would be fine.

I saw a job advertised today, a RE-POST, fora tutor to educate two children, aged 6 and 9.5, in NY, some SEN issues, with some travelling, for $180K. Obviously some SEN qualification required and given the salary, probably very good qualification.

It's not really providing care or love to let a kid watch Tv all day. It's shitty grandparenting, and I think it IS neglect, actually. Jean should have said no to the arrangement if she didn't feel up to the task. If you agree to babysit, you agree to interact, play, teach and be present.

Team Jean! Well done for not being taken for granted.

Jean, you sound like just what I am looking for so if you want a four and an eight year old in a busy house in Italy, I am absolutely fine with you on the sofa watching your phone! Bloody hell some people don't know they're born.

I fucking salute jean, I hope she is in her bubble bath with her gin. Home schooling is NEVER her responsibility. I wonder if it's due to an expectation of norms? I was a student 4 years(just submitted last exam) with 4 dc at home at some point. we've no family nearby and would NEVER ask for friends help unless an emergency. But I've always been here iyswim, we very rarely have babysitters. When I've had to work, I've had to work.

I hope jeans living her life

Jean's child, whether DS or DD, needs to take some responsibility for their children, or face up to to the reality that having a child is only the individual's choice and responsibility. Yes, it is a happy event, but rearing a child should not be down to old people.

The old line, about enjoying grandchildren because you can hand them back to their parents for the horrid bits,should be remembered.

Christ, some people have exacting standards of care for grandparents. I just used to watch Bonanza and the wrestling with mine, and my parents would be grateful that.

Since when did grandparents become free early years education providers? I don't think I can read much more. The entitlement is just too overpowering.

Jean is 69 was a nurse until four years ago. I cannot decide reading this thread if some of you have door mats as grandparents because they are afraid you will not let them see the children or if you are totally self absorbed spoilt adults.

YOU decided to have children so it is up to YOU to raise them.

The fact that Jean has been doing their child care for two months and they are working from home, not going out to work, makes me wonder why they haven't been bothered before. Even those working at home emerge for breaks and meals and see what is going on in their own house. It couldn't have been that dreadful and their children were not neglected, probably had a lot of fun.

Plus the children are so young, it's not going to retard their development forever to have no formal school work for such a short while.

I wonder how they will get on now with no help. They'll be like so many other parents who post on here and complain their children are unco- operative with lessons. They will just have to reorganise their days and take it in turns - probably end up rowing with each other about it.

Jean is now free, whoopee! I daresay they will repair the relationship and she will step in to help out but no way take it on full time again She'll be enjoying her home now, getting her life back.

I only had one child. He was cared for by grandparents when I went to work when he was small and in holidays. They had fun. Had we been locked down in a pandemic there is no way I could have got him to do school work - he would have learned but only what he wanted to do. It was hard enough for school to get him to do what they required! He has turned out absolutely fine.

Parents in this situation have my sympathy but Jean has more sympathy from me.

Go Jean!
I think it's ridiculous to complain about Jean not doing school work with them when they could have been back at school!
If they were that bothered about their education then surely they would be in school.

And as for neglecting the kid is not on
Don't talk daft 😂😂

I love looking after my DGC one day a week (with the help of my DH) but they are exhausting as most small children are and I am 60 not 69 . I think looking after them for 3 days a week would be tough let alone living with them and home schooling so I am with Jean on this. I think her DD and SIL are being very cheeky in expecting her to do all the childcare and home schooling. They may have high powered jobs but so do lots of other people who have had to basically look after their kids and work at the same time. They had weekends to home school or they could have fitted in an hour or so during the day. If Jean had been taking them out and to the allotment she obviously wasn't on her phone all day. This pandemic has been tough on everyone.