To think this is very cheeky - re home schooling

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

My DB and SIL have had SIL's mum (lets call her Jean) living with them since April so that they could WFH whiles she looks after their 4yo and 6yo, as they're both in high pressure roles. Jean is 69 and has been retired from nursing for about 5 years and watched the kids 3 days a week before they began school.

However it seems it's all gone tits up today, SIL's mum has packed her bags and gone home after a disagreement with DB and SIL.
Apparently they aren't happy that she hasn't really been doing the home schooling stuff, despite forwarding her the teacher's emails every day. SIL said she would "sit on her phone in the living room while the kids watched TV."

They spoke to her today and said that it's very important the kids get their home work done and she needs to do the work with them. Long story short - Jean stropped off and went home. Now they're in a huge panic about it (the reason I know all this is that SIL rang and asked if I could spare a few days to look after the kids while they find a new solution, as I am furloughed).

AIBU to side with Jean on this one?
The poor woman worked her whole life, lost her husband in her 50's, when she did retire she went straight to doing childcare for free 3 days a week, went from retired solitude to suddenly living in a busy house with 2 energetic kids as a favour. They are 4 and 6, it's not like doing their GCSE's, DB and SIL seem to think that not doing cutting and sticking tasks assigned by the school will doom them to a life of stupidity. And, to me, when you ask such a huge favour you don't get to be picky about the details. If she wants to sit on her phone all day, as long as the children are distracted from bothering mummy and daddy then whats the problem?!

I said no to the childcare BTW. I have 2 of my own to look after and I can barely be bothered home schooling my 2 (it's also against the rulez innit)

They need a nanny

I hope this is just a blip and not the start of a family war where Jean does not get to see the DGC in the future because she did not comply with the demands of some very selfish and inconsiderate parents

They need a nanny

And I'll bet that wouldn't last very long either.

Jean is wonderful; I wish you much joy of her and she deserves to be spread about a bit, and we deserve to hear more of her doings! She is an example to us all.

So glad you said no to the cheeky fuckers when they asked you. Some people don't know they're born!

I feel sorry for the kids now. Their mum's going to be insisting on catching up on all their missed 'schooling' and be stressed to buggery with it.... Their dad's not going to be helpful because he's got work don'tcha know (as opposed to work, which is what his wife does).

That's just imaginary (and horribly stereotyped too. Apologies.).

I find it so frustrating when people expect so much from GP's.
Great if they want to help and can help but don't take advantage.
One of my friends unexpectedly fell pregnant a few years ago and the family all rallied round to help with childcare so she could RTW because her partner was useless with money.
She's now actively planning another baby with same partner and I'll be honest I'm dying to ask if she's actually asked the relatives if they are happy to do child care again or is she just assuming?
I haven't asked coz it's not my business.
I'm totally with Jean on this one. She's been looking after them, keeping them occupied so parents could work. They need to be more grateful! X

Go Jean!

Jean should probably have just said no and helped them find a nanny. I work full time and am not available to do childcare of that kind and in my own day had a full time daily nanny too as I have worked full time without a single break since 1983. Basically both sides here should have been very clear what was expected and what was agreed to.

@Ladybyrd 😂😂

Did sil and db not notice all the bike rides and walks and trips to the allotment, when they were complaining about Jean being on her phone? She's 69 and kids are knackering at the best of times. Did you warm your own mum to expect a phone call?

Strawberry I also know someone who had a third baby and just assumed her elderly mum would continue to do childcare. The mum is exhausted.

Jean is brilliant. If the parents were moaning about her spending all day on her phone then I suspect they had time to look after and educate their own children while they worked.

Go jean!! Parents can do after they finish work or on a weekend.

Poor Jean! Good on her for leaving

Okay because the person after my ‘team Jean’ comment responded “I don’t understand all the Team Jean” people, I’ll elaborate.

Jean is retired and doing this couple a massive favour to look after two presumably very active small children while they get on with their jobs. I assume she’s preparing meals. She’s also taking them out to the allotment and other places, and presumably engaging with them in that time period.

To be honest, given the description of what OP knows Jean is doing with the children, I do doubt that she’s just sitting there on her phone the entire rest of the day. However, even if she were: she’s almost 70. My dad is that age. He gets downstairs around 9am, takes a nap when he feels like, is worn out even after engaging with my son for an hour or two. What are you expecting from this woman?

She’s engaging with them, feeding them, and yes of course, she’s also taking time to herself because she needs it. Is it ideal for their home schooling? No. Could the parents presumably engage with their own children during their non-working hours to fill in some of the gaps left in their lack of cutting and pasting during the weekdays? Yes. They could even get the children started on an activity (Clear an area, set up paint, newspapers, whatever) then leave them with Jean while they go to their offices, but no, they’re leaving absolutely all of it to her, as if she’s someone they’ve paid for this service.

That is why I am Team Jean.

They are very very very fortunate to have a Jean to help them carry on working from home. Most of us do not.

Team Jean 💪🏼 Go that lady! Know you’re boundaries and keep them firm.

Well it sounds like Jean is doing the best thing for everyone by leaving.
Most posters (incl me) think the parents were being CF’s so Jean after weeks of being taken for granted should have left them to it and are cheering her on!
The small no of posters who seem to think that having grandma doing childcare for weeks on end while the parents do their ever so important jobs, should have further covered the parents role by homeschooling. Jean was obviously not up to scratch, in their eyes, so shouldn’t be doing the “job” and should leave so that they can get proper paid for help with the children.
#goJeango

YOUR 🤦🏻‍♀️

I too, back Jean. And @myself2020 can piss off, go teach your own kids don't expect other people to do it.

I suspect it's more that DB and SIL are a pair of wet lettuces/drama llamas

Am I the only one wondering if SIL is on here?

Jean’s done them a massive favour by moving in and we are in a “take what you can get and be grateful” situation re. childcare

They still got Jean looking after them for the whole working day and if they were that arsed they should have printed the work off and done some supervised homeschooling with their own dc before and after their working day.

I have a marvellous tale of CF where the grandma made a 200 mile round trip every week to look after her dgs for 3 days. She stayed over in her “own room” but when the couple had a second baby they chucked out her bed and put the cot in that room and told her to share a single bed with her toddler dgs 3 nights a week while providing them with free childcare. She declined.

Well done Jean, talk about taking advantage!!

Jean’s right.

can Jean come and look after my son. No homeschooling needed.

I mean if she said she'd homeschool and not just provide childcare then she should've done it properly. 69 is not old.

I mention, now and then, to DS that when he has kids DH and I are happy to babysit. Occasionally. I have said we're not providing childcare every day, we are not having the kids every holiday period and we'll be off travelling not tied to the grandchildren.

DS is my and DH's responsibility. His children will be his and his partner's responsibility. We brought him up, he can bring his kids up.

He's 13. Never too young to get it through his head that if you have kids you have to decide how many you can cope with in a given circumstance. Not just assume other family members will pitch in every minute of every day.