To think this is very cheeky - re home schooling

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

My DB and SIL have had SIL's mum (lets call her Jean) living with them since April so that they could WFH whiles she looks after their 4yo and 6yo, as they're both in high pressure roles. Jean is 69 and has been retired from nursing for about 5 years and watched the kids 3 days a week before they began school.

However it seems it's all gone tits up today, SIL's mum has packed her bags and gone home after a disagreement with DB and SIL.
Apparently they aren't happy that she hasn't really been doing the home schooling stuff, despite forwarding her the teacher's emails every day. SIL said she would "sit on her phone in the living room while the kids watched TV."

They spoke to her today and said that it's very important the kids get their home work done and she needs to do the work with them. Long story short - Jean stropped off and went home. Now they're in a huge panic about it (the reason I know all this is that SIL rang and asked if I could spare a few days to look after the kids while they find a new solution, as I am furloughed).

AIBU to side with Jean on this one?
The poor woman worked her whole life, lost her husband in her 50's, when she did retire she went straight to doing childcare for free 3 days a week, went from retired solitude to suddenly living in a busy house with 2 energetic kids as a favour. They are 4 and 6, it's not like doing their GCSE's, DB and SIL seem to think that not doing cutting and sticking tasks assigned by the school will doom them to a life of stupidity. And, to me, when you ask such a huge favour you don't get to be picky about the details. If she wants to sit on her phone all day, as long as the children are distracted from bothering mummy and daddy then whats the problem?!

I said no to the childcare BTW. I have 2 of my own to look after and I can barely be bothered home schooling my 2 (it's also against the rulez innit)

If anyone's interested we've been at home since March with our 2 - ages 3 and 6.

Jean deserves a bloody medal cos it's fucking tough going with little onesaall the time.

I neglect mine in the way Jean does so I wouldn't expect grandparents to be any different.

What galls me is that they weren't prepared to do the job themselves but were quite quick to expect someone else to do it to a very high standard.

Jean, come to Canada and babysit for me! We have a guest suite! Your own bathroom! And air conditioning! As much food as you can eat! I'll buy gin for you! Unlimited WiFi! Kids are angels!

Team Jean. Nice one Jean, enjoy the quietness 👍🏻

Go Granny Jean, you're a legend, and well done too Auntie Glummy for politely declining being their emergency backup, when you have your own to look after.

myself: Saying yes, and then neglecting the kid is not on.
......
Who said the children were neglected?

Wow your family is very ungrateful. She is 69 they really should appreciate she looked after them, even if she didn't homeschool them. To those saying she could have read a few pages with each kid every day....so could have done the parents! It takes 30 mins and should be no trouble.

I'm with Jean.

My own parents often look after my 6yo niece. They keep her busy but are glad when she goes home every evening and they can relax.

TeamJean

Jean Valjean on the run again!

well done jean!!!

Team Jean all the way.

So cheeky. If they’re so worried about their schooling they could be doing some exercises with them at the weekends, or the other two days of the week, surely? They’re so fortunate to have the childcare to begin with. Most people in their situation don’t.

Not really understanding the #teamJean thing tbh.

Are you really saying you'd be happy if your children just say watching TV all day?

I'm not expecting Jean to provide a full programme of learning or entertainment, but I'm sure she could have done 20 mins of reading practice with each one and if the parents had printed out some worksheets could have made sure they did them. Then just told them to play in the garden, or do colouring or whatever.

I'm not sure how much us an exaggeration but I'd be pissed off if my kids were just watching hour after hour of TV, day after day. If that's all she was going to do I think it would be better to have said that to the parents and then thry coukd have decided if they were prepared to accept that.

I think that’s a bit crappy. For a week or 2 fine but this is 6 months of dc falling behind. My dm can’t live with us but tomorrow (while dh works from home in his high pressure job and I go to work at the hospital) she is FaceTiming my two youngest to do a maths lesson for them. If the rules allowed, dm would come and teach them. It may not be perfect but she’d definitely try because she loves them and wants to support them through this time.

I'm with Jean. She was doing them a massive favour. It's astounding how entitled some people are.

My parents are in their eighties. My mother has a friend from school, so also in her eighties, who with her husband is looking after their grand daughter's year old twins every day for free! If that isn't cheeky fuckery I don't know what is.

How does

SIL said she would "sit on her phone in the living room while the kids watched TV."

translate into

I'd be pissed off if my kids were just watching hour after hour of TV, day after day.

I’d take Sil’s words with a hefty dose of salt. The kids have been out on their bikes to a local nature reserve.

Not much of a gran or caring, supervising adult. Jean doesn't sound great.

I could do with Jean at my house she can sit and talk on the phone everyday I don’t mind. To be honest I’d be greatful for the help. They can’t expect Jean to teach it’s hard for the parents never mind. Good for Jean!!

@Cornishclio

I love looking after my DGC one day a week (with the help of my DH) but they are exhausting as most small children are and I am 60 not 69 . I think looking after them for 3 days a week would be tough let alone living with them and home schooling so I am with Jean on this. I think her DD and SIL are being very cheeky in expecting her to do all the childcare and home schooling. They may have high powered jobs but so do lots of other people who have had to basically look after their kids and work at the same time. They had weekends to home school or they could have fitted in an hour or so during the day. If Jean had been taking them out and to the allotment she obviously wasn't on her phone all day. This pandemic has been tough on everyone.

Absolutely I think some have forgotten she’s 69 not 49.

Not much of a gran or caring, supervising adult. Jean doesn't sound great

how so?!

When they got her over to live with them, DB said at the time that the only other option was for one of them to quit their jobs as it was all just too stressful. But yeah she sounds shit for helping

Thinking about it I don't think the problem is that they couldn't cope with working and childcare/home schooling - tens of thousands of households up and down the country have managed to adapt - I suspect it's more that DB and SIL are a pair of wet lettuces/drama llamas.

Enjoy having a rest and peace and quiet Jean!

@jgjgjgjgjg

I can see both sides. Of course Jean is doing them a massive favour. But equally when I leave my children in someone else's care I expect them to act broadly as a parent would. During the school day with school age children during a time of home education I'd expect that to include some school work to be honest.

Very cheeky. 'All fed, no-one dead' is appropriate.

So Jean is living in their house, looking after their children full time and rather than have a conversation with her about their children's education all they have done is forwarded the emails from school and assumed that Jean would take care of that too. Now they are upset and think that Jean is being unreasonable, even though Jean takes them out on bike rides and to her allotment etc.

If I was Jean I would have packed my bags and left them to it too.
You were not unreasonable when you said no to looking after their children.

So are they having a rapid rethink about sending their children into school?

You either look after the kids properly, or you don’t do if.
Saying yes, and then neglecting the kid is not on.

There was no neglect if the kids were safe, warm, fed, clean and loved
They took advantage of her and she finally said no more. Who could blame her
She was doing them a favor. They wanted to demand even more of her, thats not fair unless they gonna start paying some cash for her time, effort and the fact to do this she would have given up much of her own life to isolate with them
They should be grateful, how many have lost work cos they wernt lucky to have the support this couple do?

Unless Jean literally ignored the children all day every day, then team Jean. If she really was that bad, then they should be happy to see the back of her.

If she read them a story, took them outside, interacted with them, maybe cooked with them - that's great. 6 years old fgs, spending time with gran is so much better for them than stressing about box ticking busy work.