Angry with my mum hugging my daughter

[MilkSweatAndTears]

I’ve barely seen my mum since lock down , she lives 30 mins away. Over the past two weeks I’ve started to go over with my three year old and baby to sit in the garden . Explained to 3 year old about no cuddling right now , she understood . My mum has been badgering me to let her cuddle / have the kids but I’ve been firm. I’m still worried , more for her sake seen as she’s much more at risk Statistically . Anyway I had my mum over to my house today as it was raining she came inside , it was all fine until I went to use the toilet , when I came back my daughter immediately said ‘nanny gave me big hug mummy ‘ I was so upset , mainly because she has no respect for me or my wishes . There has been similar instances in the past although none the same as this obviously. I told my mum that was wrong and I didn’t like to that moment I left the room she did that . Anyway my mum got up in a huff and walked out without saying goodbye . I messaged her my feelings and she’a completely shut down and refuses to apologise or see why wrong doing .

Aibu to be so cross ? I’m mostly hurt to be honest . Really feel she’s betrayed me

I'd be annoyed at her doing it behind my back. Luckily as you say the risk is mostly hers and it's very low anyway of your dad has been on the house with you this whole time. I think you've said your piece so should leave it now and hopefully it should blow over.

Don’t have her over again, until this ends if she can’t stick to the rules

Dd not dad!

The risk of the hug is the same as the risk of you bringing your mum inside your house. You had already created the risk by doing that.

Your poor mum just wanted a hug with her granddaughter, cut her some slack and know everything will be ok.

You expressly asked her not to so she shouldn't have done it but I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for her.

That said, you let her in your house, were you maintaining 2 metres the entire time? Was your child and her?

Oh ffs. She hugged her granddaughter. So fucking what. Get over it.

Does she live on her own? If so you on Saturday you can make a bubble with her anyway and treat her as part of the household (if you want)

Its difficult though as I suspect this is a long standing pattern of behaviour between the 2 of you

I'll probably be flamed for this but I think YABU. Sorry. I understand that she undermined you but your mum was obviously willing to take the risk - and she was already at some risk from the moment she came into your house, I'm afraid.

Tomoveornotomove2

So did the OP by letting her Mum inside her home.

I would be upset that she encouraged my daughter to be deceitful rather than the actual hugging. I don't know what either of your situations are but the 'support bubble' on today's TV might actually allow it. Can you text her, don't apologise for being cross and don't expect an apology from her but I do think you need to address the deceit angle.

Yabu to meet up inside your home but also your mum should have done as requested.

I think ultimately it's your mum's risk to take. Right now while there's still v little movement around, and it sounds like you have been very strict with yourselves, things are very low risk

You've expressed your wishes and she's not respected that and that's the issue here, not the actual whether they should be hugging or not which i think some people are missing here. I wouldn't be happy and she's undermined what you have said to DD. I would let her sulk as she wants. She was in the wrong. I have had similar undermining issues with my mum and it's frustrating

To be fair you broke the rules by having her in your house. If she had Covid 19 there was a higher chance of her transmitting it to you anyway hugs or not.

I think YABU to be annoyed. You're either going to stick to the rules or you're not. You had her inside your house so you'd already indicated you're not rigidly sticking to them.

Well you let her in your house, so she probably thought you were fine with breaking the ‘rules’

I think you should chill out a bit. Your mum is at a bigger risk from the hug than your daughter is and the chances that either of them has the virus if they've been social distancing is pretty remote.

The rules are changing on Saturday anyway (assuming that you or she are the only adults in the two households) so they'll be able to hug as much as they want if you're within the chosen "bubble".

If the rules are very important to you then I wonder why you allowed her to come into the house.

I think yadnbu and your mum was wrong but yabu to have had your mum in your house if you feel that way, double standards really?!

How would you feel if you were in your Mums shoes?
Living on your own without a hug for months?
Yes in a perfect world she shouldn’t have hugged her grandchild.
But it’s not a perfect world & we aren’t perfect

It's her body, she gets to decide that she is willing to take the risk to her of a hug with her beloved DGD. She may well have been desperate for one. It doesn't risk your DD, and your mum was already in your house.

Seriously, have you stepped back and thought about where we are with this as a country? You are angry with your mum for wanting to show love and affection to her granddaughter, to the extent that she has to do so covertly? Has it occurred to you that that's utterly fucked up?

She was in the garden but came inside because it began to rain heavy . I didn’t seem right to send Her home but both agreed to distance inside , we haven an open plan kitchen diner and she was in the kitchen and we stayed in the dining area chatting and keeping what I assumed a safe distance . It was only when I let she walked over and hugged her . I do feel it’s more about the undermining then the actual hug I know the risk to us all is pretty low. I agree now I shouldn’t have had her in the house at all .

I would have said, oh I am sure Nanny forgot, never mind I am sure you will remember next time. Won't you Nanny. Paddington Bear hard stare.

PA extraordinaire

This really isn't worth falling out over.