Angry with my mum hugging my daughter

[MilkSweatAndTears]

I’ve barely seen my mum since lock down , she lives 30 mins away. Over the past two weeks I’ve started to go over with my three year old and baby to sit in the garden . Explained to 3 year old about no cuddling right now , she understood . My mum has been badgering me to let her cuddle / have the kids but I’ve been firm. I’m still worried , more for her sake seen as she’s much more at risk Statistically . Anyway I had my mum over to my house today as it was raining she came inside , it was all fine until I went to use the toilet , when I came back my daughter immediately said ‘nanny gave me big hug mummy ‘ I was so upset , mainly because she has no respect for me or my wishes . There has been similar instances in the past although none the same as this obviously. I told my mum that was wrong and I didn’t like to that moment I left the room she did that . Anyway my mum got up in a huff and walked out without saying goodbye . I messaged her my feelings and she’a completely shut down and refuses to apologise or see why wrong doing .

Aibu to be so cross ? I’m mostly hurt to be honest . Really feel she’s betrayed me

You undermined yourself by inviting your mum inside. I agree it's not ok to wait until you'd left the room but if you can't get angry about 'rule breaking' when you're inviting your mum inside.

YABU. This whole Coronavirus situation has become a complete circus.

Does your mum live alone? Has she had a hug (or indeed any human contact) since 23 March?

I agree now I shouldn’t have had her in the house at all

I don't think that's the point at all. From Saturday she can form part of your 'bubble' and nothing is magically going to change between then and now. Have a bit of empathy.

I'd be more upset that she did it behind your back. It's annoying when your parents disregard your wishes/rules you have for your own kids. I'd be annoyed about that.
The fact that she hugged your dd... meh like others have said the risk is more for her and she was already in your house anyway.

I get why you are annoyed but this is a grandma hugging her grandchild and realistically, when do you think will be a ‘safe’ time to allow them to hug again? Because corona certainly isn’t going anywhere soon, I would be amazed if it’s not still around at Christmas.
If the real risk is to your mum then I think she should be allowed to make her own risk assessment if she wishes to hug her grandchild, if your concern is for your daughter then I do think having her in the house was a bit much regardless of the social distancing as the risk isn’t just through touching eachother, the risk is carried on surfaces too.

I’m not trying to say that you have no right to be annoyed because you do, you asked your mum not to do something and she did it anyway but what she did was hug her grandchild. It must be difficult for grandparents at the moment

@BananaPop2020

YABU. This whole Coronavirus situation has become a complete circus.

Agreed. Cant take ds to see my parents but from monday I can queue to go in primark.

I completely understand why your mother did what she did. Hugging my three year old grandson is what I long to do most but my daughter would probably react just the way you have, so I have resisted the temptation. Forgive your mum, she did it out of love, and before anyone says she was putting her granddaughter at risk, if you have all been sensible up to this point, then the risk was probably minimal. Don’t make lockdown for your mum any harder than it is by being cross with her.

My 4 year old ran at my mum for a hug when she was dropping something off, she hugged him back because there was no way she was going to reject him like that. I don't think a 3 year old knows how to social distance when a tempting situation presents itself like that. This was weeks ago now, they're both fine.

You'd already created the risk by bringing her inside the house, a quick hug doesn't cause further risk - she was in your house.

Does your DM live alone?

I found this article from the New York Times parenting section on the risks of hugging and how to do it as safely as possible equal parts sensible and heartbreaking.

If your worried for your DM then YABU. She's an adult and can assess her own risks. My DM takes all Dörte of risks like flying down holl. on a bike with no helmet in her mid '80s and other such nonsense but I no longer say anything. If you are worried about your DD I also think you overreacted slightly. I'm presuming all of you have followed lockdown rules so far?

Your mum hugged her granddaughter??? Off with her head!

FFS if you can’t deal with a normal grandmother/grandchild reaction don’t allow the two to meet again until after this lockdown farce ends.

You are totally unreasonable for treating your mother like a child in the first place. She is old enough to make her own decision on whether or not to take the risk of hugging her grandchild.

That said, nobody should hug your DD without her, and your, permission. So your mum was being unreasonable too.

She was in the garden but came inside because it began to rain heavy . I didn’t seem right to send Her home

So you’ll break the rules when it suits you.

YABU. You’d already created the risk by bringing her inside; the hug won’t have added to anymore.

Oh fgs. YABVU. Do you actually hate your mother? Because it sounds like it.

I do hope you don't expect anything from her when it's convenient for you. You are a mumzilla (is that a thing?). A control freak with no sense of humour, warmth or empathy. Maybe your life is awful at the moment and you are unhappy and if so I hope it improves. If not get a grip.

I get what you mean about your Mum going against your wishes. I hope you didnt show it too much though as we all need to think about the impact on a child of feeling like something wrong has happenwd after an expression of love and care. Life is a bit mental right now please dont fall out with your Mum over it see the bigger picture.

You're battling over control of... what?

You losing your rag doesn't protect her, respect her autonomy or deal with your MIL's actual needs at the time.

@OceanOrchid That said, nobody should hug your DD without her, and your, permission. So your mum was being unreasonable too.

really???? Good lord she's not a fucking car. She's a BLOOD RELATIVE of gran. Not some random stranger. A small person. Not a possession only mummy is allowed to play with.

@Enormouscroc you don't get to be an utter bitch to the person who brought you up just because you are a control freak. Because one day you will be her and your kids will be the ones behaving that way, that would be ok would it?

How about being nice. Or even logical If she can't manage that. No one has been going to the pub or on the train etc for weeks. So the chances that her (probably self isolating) mother has it is zero. The incubation period is NOT however many weeks it's been since lockdown.

God how about a bit of common sense? If two groups of people who have not been exposed to any risk get together there isn't a magic covid fairy suddenly giving them covid germs.

She hugged her grandchild - crime of the century that one.

People are so over the top now. Yes there is a virus around. Her choice if she wants to cuddle and put herself at risk.

So many people so bloody over the top

You're being unreasonable and unkind. Once your mum was in the house no damage was done. You put her in an awful situation.

I meant the damage was done...