I've been accused of being a racist

[Excitedannie]

So it happened in a big supermarket earlier. 2 women walked past me with about 6 children - I tutted as none of them moved to the side and were so very close to me - well under one metre. One of the women turned around and said "what's youre problem"? And I explained the social distancing etc and that they should have moved to the side. They started literally screaming at me that I was a racist cow, and their small children joined in and also called me a horrible old cow with grey hair! (I'm not by the way...). Everyone was looking and the children were just shouting"racist" and laughing at me - it was bloody awful to be honest and I felt so scared that I was too worried to leave the shop and wandered around until I knew they'd gone.

I felt so ashamed - and scared. I came home and burst out crying, but now I feel furious. Not sure why I'm posting this but I wanted to tell someone but I'm too ashamed to IRL

@missyoumuch

Oh and look at the people posting here now saying white people are now Britain’s new underclass.

This is why I don’t buy this story as told, it’s like a red rag for white supremacists.

This 👌

even asking people politely to move seems to be met with aggression

But you didnt "politely ask them" it sounds like you were tutting or sighing or huffing or whatever you were doing. Then when they confronted you on, THEN you asked them to move. Thats not remotely the same as asking someone to move politely first. I agree these are stressful times but a kid walking past you in the supermarket is not a huge deal. If you have significant health issues to be concerned about then why not shop online? when you go out into the public domain you cannot control what other people do. You might not be racist but you have no idea what kind of crap that family has been through. Maybe they've had vile racist comments recently and this was the last straw?
You need to stop being so passive aggressive and be polite and honest with people. "excuse me, may I get past" is far more likely to get you a good response than huffing and puffing at people.

*"move on, they probably had a bad day".
I hope you remember that next time someone does something that potentially threatens your health.

That sounds awful OP, my mum would probably have done the same thing (she was an awful tutter) and could not have been further from a racist. She spent her life working for equality for all colours, genders and nationalities.

I will never forget being about 11 years old, a fat and badly bullied child in a red puffy jacket walking home from school. A young black man (min. 16-18, he was several feet taller than me) was crossing the same street as me from the other side.
Being used to trying to stay out of everyone’s way I moved to the side so we wouldn’t collide as we were directly opposite each other. He moved over into my new path, kicked me in the shin and shouted “racist white bitch”.

I limped home crying, more upset my being called a racist than by being assaulted and my mum talked with me about how awful it was that life had conditioned this young man to think that I was moving out of his way due to the colour of his skin and not simply to stay out of another persons way.

She said “how tough must it be, to be that young man and have to grow armour that thick.”

So in the grand scheme of things a bit of reflection on any interaction to check "would I have done things differently if the other person was BAME?" Is a good thing.

Absolutely. Costs nothing.

The hypocrisy of people is really sickening. My DD works for a supermarket at the moment and has been for 4 weeks.

She often comes home almost in tears because of the insults she gets when she very politely and kindly reminds people of the one way system.

Assuming that politeness is returned with the same when asked to follow rules is such a naive view.

I guess tonight I'll remind my DD that it's ok to be upset and feeling low having been insulted because all those people must have had a bad day. And when she enough and insult people back her boss will forgive her because she had a bad day!

@dontdisturbmenow

I don’t think it’s a big deal like OP is making out No, not this week! 6 weeks ago, people would have posted about a family shopping with 6 kids getting close to people in the shop, and the response would gave been that this woman was a c**, that there was no need to bring all her kids in the shop, that she should do home delivery or click and collect. That's it's people like her killing 1000 of people for her selfishness and that not only should OP have said something but call the police!

Now, it's no big deal and OP is overreacting and almost deserved to have been insulted.

Oh how things change in just a few weeks!

OP is not in her garden. It’s a public supermarket and if you are telling me everybody walks and waits at the 2m rule to purchase every item like butter, bread, eggs and so on... you are a bloody liar. OP has taken this out of context by far and it does seem a little odd that she got that reaction but I won’t dispute that.

Also we are here to discuss the current situation and accidents do happen. Have you never brushed pasted someone? You need to get over yourself accidents do happen but to go around tutting is unacceptable and you know it.
Even 6 weeks ago that is still NO excuse just like the racially remarks are ALSO unacceptable.

I can't believe some of these comments.

The OP did not deserve to be screamed at like that. It is not okay to be called a racist for tutting.

@dontdisturbmenow No. Politeness SHOULD be met with politeness. In this case, OP was not. No hypocrisy there.

@dontdisturbmenow I guess tonight I'll remind my DD that it's ok to be upset and feeling low having been insulted because all those people must have had a bad day. And when she enough and insult people back her boss will forgive her because she had a bad day!

Nobody is saying it was ok, and nobody is saying it wasn't upsetting for OP. More that if you try and understand where it might have come from, you'll realise that it's not a personal attack, and more of an accumulation of incidents linked to being black. By all means be upset but just don't lose a year of sleep over it.

If anyone tutts at me, for no good reason, I flip my lid. It's not passive aggressive, it is cowardly. I do not do it to anyone. A polite "excuse me please" or "can I just get past there, thanks" with a smile would have got you on your way.

That said, people using these times as an excuse to call "racism" where there is non, are very short sighted and not helping their own cause. If people feel they have to walk on egg shells around people of colour it will just cause more divisions as they will stop interacting for fear of saying the wrong thing and losing their job or being branded a racist.

I will also add one thing - there have been numerous studies that show that white people tend to assume black children are older than they actually are. Which is why my first response here asked what the childrens' ages were.

It is possible OP that you thought they were "old enough to know better" but they actually weren't, which could explain the reaction you got from the parents.

www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/03/black-boys-older

www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/study-black-girls-viewed-as-less-innocent-than-white-girls/2017/06/27/3fbedc32-5ae1-11e7-a9f6-7c3296387341_story.html

Next time film these people.

The OP did not deserve to be screamed at like that

I'm always sceptical of people claiming to have been screamed at. The reality is that people just don't go around screaming. Apart from anything else, it takes a lot of effort. Inevitably, if you challenge people about this sort of claim, you discover that the reality is that the other person raised their voice a bit.

Next time film these people

This is not the answer...

[quote missyoumuch]I will also add one thing - there have been numerous studies that show that white people tend to assume black children are older than they actually are. Which is why my first response here asked what the childrens' ages were.

It is possible OP that you thought they were "old enough to know better" but they actually weren't, which could explain the reaction you got from the parents.

www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/03/black-boys-older

www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/study-black-girls-viewed-as-less-innocent-than-white-girls/2017/06/27/3fbedc32-5ae1-11e7-a9f6-7c3296387341_story.html[/quote]
Absolutely ridiculous I’ve heard it all now

OP had poor manners in the first place which then escalated a self inflicted situation. OP has no right at all to be this entitled and neither do the people supporting bad manners leading to a situation like this.

@Davincitoad

I’m not sure what but if what I was saying is tiresome? That current race theroy seems to suggest that all non bame people are unconsciously racist to some extent or that this then means accusing someone of racism looses its power because everyone is?

It’s not possible to have it both ways. Racism is either a terrible evil that we should fight at all times or it’s something all white people are and cannot choose not to be

It’s like the difference between murder and manslaughter

If I murder someone - deliberatey go out in my car to mow down a named person on purpose I’m a shit person and deserve to go to prison for ever. If However I accidentally hit someone because I was distracted behind the wheel by my kid in the car, I am not. I mean I deserve to loose my licence and maybe go to prison but most people would have some sympathy.

So I feel that by saying all white people are intrinsically unconsciously racist we are devaluing the crime of racism from murder to manslaughter levels. I am not sure if this is a bad thing or not. On one hand we should not ignore the suffering and injustice caused by unconscious rascim and so should address it but then how do we hold up and separate the really bad racism (the murder level stuff in my analogy). I think we need a new word instead - the racism equivalent of manslaughter

Next time film these people

Yes- filming other people's children always goes well doesnt it?

If people feel they have to walk on egg shells around people of colour

Actually I think it's the other way round - PoC not knowing if they're around someone who can't stand them just because of their skin colour or not. Sometimes I think it would be better for people to actually show that they're racist so PoC and anti-racists know who to avoid and can breathe easy, rather than this passive aggressive, covert b.s most people do (not referring to the OP) while claiming they're not (either they really don't believe they are or they pretend they're not).

Doesn’t matter how old the kids are, the parents/guardians should be keeping them under control. People throwing racist accusations around like this are completely undermining the fight against racism. I’m sorry you had this experience OP

@Sweetlikecoca which bit is ridiculous?

"I've been in a queue and someone was getting too close... I asked if she could please move back due to social distancing."

I was in an outside queue and other people were passing too close on the pavement. When I asked them quite politely to please give me 2m distance they responded with aggressive shouting so I haven't done it since. Lots of people just can't take any small criticism of their behaviour and it's better not to get into arguments with strangers.

You were't being racist.
They were being very rude & unkind.
Also setting a terrible example to their kids.

Actually I think it's the other way round - PoC not knowing if they're around someone who can't stand them just because of their skin colour or not

I feel this all the time. Usually when going to pick up an item from Facebook marketplace. Ever since an elderly white man described me very loudly as 'black as the ace of spades she was' when closing his door.