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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD Shaved Her Head

437 replies

CrazyLady82 · 09/06/2020 17:48

More of a wwyd.

My DD18 has just called me and told me she has shaved her head. DD already had short hair.

DD reasons were that her hair was damaged from all the coloring and she didn't like the color it was.

I am sitting here trying not to loose my mind. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with DD2 and am thinking part of my reaction is pregnancy hormones. After telling DD I wasn't happy with the choice, but it was her choice I hung up the phone. I have been crying and silent screaming for 10 minutes.

I don't want to say anything to bad to her. I know that it is her choice.

Could someone help give me a reality check that shaving her head isn't that bad? I need to get a grip as it is her life.

OP posts:
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GoldenZigZag · 09/06/2020 18:47

Were you very young when you had her OP? You both sound quite immature and a bit emotionally enmeshed.

Cam2020 · 09/06/2020 18:47

But when she wants my opinion on what she has done to her hair I'm not going to say it looks great when I don't think it does. A "Well it looks different" Seemed better to me than I think you look really weird and it doesn't suit your face at all.

Fair enough, but why the need for the sobbing? I took that's a little dramatic considering she's 18 and it'll grow back. There are far worse things 18 year old could be experimenting with!

Vdubcampa · 09/06/2020 18:48

I’ve got a shaved head, No.1 all over. Second time I’ve done it. It’s beautiful. First time I did even my BOSS told me I was, er, causing a physiological reaction. It will show off her face. Her hair will grow back glossy and healthy. If it’s shocking to you it probably stems from a belief that girls have LONG hair and boys have short hair. Trust me, that’s bollocks. I’ve never looked more feminine and delicate featured than when my head is shaved. I bet she looks the same and is loving it.

Inkpaperstars · 09/06/2020 18:48

Yes, it was an overeaction, but you are right that hormones and stress can do that to a person!

Yes, you should apologise for overreacting and hanging up. Tell her it is fine to shave her head, which it is. I wish in a way I had done the same when my hair was bleach damaged rather than struggling with it for months. It will grow back and soon be a short style like before.

I don't think you should say it looks nice if you don't think so. Don't be rude but don't lie. She is old enough to do what she wants and old enough to accept not eveyone will like the look. But it is temporary so even those who don't like the look might agree it was a good way to deal with very damaged short hair. It's a lockdown trend too, if I was 18 and could carry it off I would be tempted.

My hair is in a very bad state right now after an attempt to DIY layers 😳.

AnnaSW1 · 09/06/2020 18:48

Age 18 is a perfect time to do things like this. What harm does it do?

zscaler · 09/06/2020 18:48

It seems that I'm supposed to be all happy that she shaved her hair off (when I'm not). But I should hold her hand when she finds out I'm pregnant? Seems to be two different ways.

Well... yes. You’re the parent. It is your job to support her and help her come to terms with big life changes. It’s not her job to do the same for you.

GalwayGrowl · 09/06/2020 18:49

#sistinechapel

carexfairex · 09/06/2020 18:49

I said Bye and hear the click as she hung up so I hung up.

Yet in the OP....

After telling DD I wasn't happy with the choice, but it was her choice I hung up the phone.

These 2 scenarios are not the same. I made my comments based on the second one, which was what you wrote in your OP. If you wanted me to comment based on the first scenario that is what you should have written in your OP. Don't change the details and then have a go at me for responding incorrectly Hmm

Allthebestusernameshavegone · 09/06/2020 18:51

I really want to do this too for the same reasons as your DD but I don’t have the guts.
Why would it bother you so much. It’s not your hair she’s shaved off, and it’ll grow.

MrsPeacockInTheLibrary · 09/06/2020 18:52

Men can shave their heads without much fuss. It should not be a matter of any comment at all what a woman does with her hair in those circumstances. Wow we have a long way to go.

BarbieandKenBruce · 09/06/2020 18:52

I don't think you can compare her shaving her head with you having a baby Confused.
One doesn't affect you at all, the other will affect her very much.
Congratulations on the pregnancy though, that must be lovely for you after such a long, hard process to get there and I'm sorry you have suffered previous losses.

Cocobean30 · 09/06/2020 18:53

Is there back story with your daughter as you seem to have some resentment towards her?

HavelockVetinari · 09/06/2020 18:53

I've just asked my very rational and sane mum, and she says she would probably have cried if I'd shaved my head aged 18. Which surprised me! So actually, YANBU, although my mum says tell her it's her hair and she can do what she likes with it.

Original poster
CrazyLady82 · 09/06/2020 18:53

@Yesmate I don't mean to be contradicting. DD is beautiful. The extreme short hair doesn't fit her face to be honest. I don't think it looks good on her. I won't tell her flat out I find the hair cut ugly. Not her just the shave job.

OP posts:
1forsorrow · 09/06/2020 18:55

Oh for heavens sake, 18 year olds don't want their parents approving of their radical decisions.

Takingontheworld · 09/06/2020 18:55

crying and silent screaming for 10 minutes.

What? Its her body, you get that right?

Bertucci · 09/06/2020 18:55

I don't think you did anything bad. But crying and silent screaming (I don't even know what that is) was daft, but you kept it to yourself, so all good.

Your job is to say nothing and hope it's a phase. I'd be secretly gutted too if one of mine did this.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/06/2020 18:56

It'll grow back.

I had my head shaved for quite a few years - it's surprising how liberating it feels.

It's also very tactile. I used to love just patting my little spikes (oh - that sounds kinky - there wasn't anything odd about it, honest!)

I was the same when my son had his head shaved - I used to like to rub it when I went past. (Added bonus - it drove him crackers! Grin)

Honestly - it'll be fine, and you may find that you actually like the look of it when you see it. Heads are surprisingly beautiful.

icansmellburningleaves · 09/06/2020 18:56

Goodness why on earth are you bothered. Shaved hair looks great. It’s only hair. It’ll grow back. She’s an adult, let her be one.

TatianaBis · 09/06/2020 18:57

It’s not really your place to be ‘happy’ with her hair either way.

I like shaved hair on women looks cool, so it wouldn’t bother me.

TatianaBis · 09/06/2020 18:58

Kristen Stewart and Sinead O’Connor looked great with shaved hair.

Ravenesque · 09/06/2020 18:59

I had a nearly bald buzz cut a couple of years ago. It was very liberating and it does grow back. She's 18, no doubt she looks pretty cool. It's all fine, just relax and get ready for your new baby. All will be well.

1forsorrow · 09/06/2020 18:59

Men can shave their heads without much fuss. I don't tell him but I hate my son shaving his head. He's let it grow in lockdown and I have said how nice it looks so I think he probably realises I prefer it that way. When he was 18 he had long hair hanging down his back, family members kept on at me to get him to cut it, but scruffy and tatty as it was I didn't do anything but I certainly didn't tell him it was nice because it wasn't.

Fruitsaladjelly · 09/06/2020 18:59

It’s your hormones, it always amazes me how quickly people forget the total loss of reason and perspective at certain points when pregnant, I can understand why you are upset. Odds on her looking back in a few months thinking ‘wtf was I thinking’ It may be time to deploy the emergency glass of wine you’ve been wanting for ages.

Wolfiefan · 09/06/2020 19:00

You think it looks weird and doesn’t suit her?
She’s 18. What she chooses to do with her appearance is none of your business. You sound quite unpleasant TBH.