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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD Shaved Her Head

437 replies

CrazyLady82 · 09/06/2020 17:48

More of a wwyd.

My DD18 has just called me and told me she has shaved her head. DD already had short hair.

DD reasons were that her hair was damaged from all the coloring and she didn't like the color it was.

I am sitting here trying not to loose my mind. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with DD2 and am thinking part of my reaction is pregnancy hormones. After telling DD I wasn't happy with the choice, but it was her choice I hung up the phone. I have been crying and silent screaming for 10 minutes.

I don't want to say anything to bad to her. I know that it is her choice.

Could someone help give me a reality check that shaving her head isn't that bad? I need to get a grip as it is her life.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Monty27 · 10/06/2020 06:19

Ask for a pic I'm sure it's rocking her boat. Tell her it's wonderful. It probably is Smile

2020canfuckoff · 10/06/2020 06:28

Id be more upset i have an 18 year old and im pregnant again.

Bluesheep8 · 10/06/2020 06:53

Having kids 18 years apart is far more radical than shaving your hair!!

Id be more upset i have an 18 year old and im pregnant again.

How are these comments relevant to the thread?
Have you seen her hair op? It might suit her. I keep hearing of lots of people who've shaved their heads during lockdown. The one guarantee is that it'll grow back, and as you say, it was short anyway....

Bluesheep8 · 10/06/2020 06:55

Oh just seen you've said it doesn't suit her. That may just be your opinion though

2020canfuckoff · 10/06/2020 07:06

She asked for a reality check in her op.

WTF12345 · 10/06/2020 07:19

D

wonkytonkwoman · 10/06/2020 07:29

@TerrorWig

Yes. Yes, indeed.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy @CrazyLady82, I had a very large age gap between my first and last child- she's a tattooe'd, body building, motorbike riding, dynamo of a woman and we've had the odd moment where I've said exactly the same kind of thing to her about what she wants to do (including about her hair). She survived. I survived. Our relationship survives and thrives.

BashStreetKid · 10/06/2020 07:35

Anyone can have an over-reaction and accept that that is the case on thinking about it a bit further and having a reality check.

What always worries me, however, is blaming it all on pregnancy hormones, as if pregnancy must inevitably make you an irrational mess. It does a major disservice to all the women who struggle to forge a career in a world where people claim that they shouldn't move up to the career ladder into areas of greater responsibility because they're totally at the mercy of their hormones. All over the world there are pregnant women working in jobs where dissolving into a silent screaming mess at any minor setback simply isn't an option.

Bluesheep8 · 10/06/2020 07:59

She asked for a reality check on her reaction to her daughter shaving her head.

Tsubasa1 · 10/06/2020 08:08

So women with shaved heads or bold women aren't beautiful? Is that the premise of the thread?

Marriedtoapenguin · 10/06/2020 08:14

I wish I had the option to grow mine back. Damned genetics.

Shaved heads can look fantastic, look at Skin from Skunk Anansie.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 10/06/2020 08:17

Her hair her business, your attitude is quite old fashioned. I also wonder if her reaction to your pregnancy is linked to your ten years of trying for another child and all of the emotional upsets failed fertility treatment and miscarriages invoke, from eight to eighteen you persisted, that's a long long time and over half her life. In her shoes it would make me think I wasn't enough for you

motherheroic · 10/06/2020 08:25

Oh, you're one of those that is obsessed with their daughters hair and never wants them to cut it. Get a life is my advice.

motherheroic · 10/06/2020 08:46

Also not every child wants a sibling. A lot of parents will act as if they are giving their existing children a gift, but really they just want another child at the end of the day.

motherheroic · 10/06/2020 08:48

@Leaannb Your children aren't allowed to voice their opinion is all I'm hearing. Imagine shipping your child off to the airport because they had an opinion about a much younger sibling.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/06/2020 08:49

NiceLegs

Seeing your beautifully shaped shaved head makes me want to do mine again . . .

. . . I'd forgotten how much I loved it.

Biancadelrioisback · 10/06/2020 08:51

I don't suit a shaved head. I tried it and I looked like a thumb. Felt like I had to wear a lot more makeup to balance it out. So yes, some people don't suit the shaved head look...but it's down to them to make that decision.

Nanny0gg · 10/06/2020 09:08

So women with shaved heads or bold women aren't beautiful? Is that the premise of the thread?

How the hell have you extrapolated that from the OP talking specifically about her own daughter?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 10/06/2020 09:18

@thecowinthemeadowgoesmooo and @TerrorWig have it right.
I will add there have been some downright nasty comments on this thread.

SweetPetrichor · 10/06/2020 09:39

I think your reaction was a bit unfair. I have my hair shaved and have had for a year now. People have called it ‘different’ and believe me, it’s very clear they mean they don’t like it. Plenty people have complimented it though.

TerrorWig · 10/06/2020 09:50

I cut my hair when I was 18 and my mum told me I looked like a whore. I think my mum is a knob. On the flipside my friend said I looked like a model... we're still mates now. So what would you prefer?

Yeah coz that’s totally the same as ‘well it’s different’.

Fuck sake. ANYONE is allowed to have an opinion even if it concerns their precious first born. At 18 personally I’d expect to be able to not have to baby my child at every turn in case they take offence.

Also not every child wants a sibling. A lot of parents will act as if they are giving their existing children a gift, but really they just want another child at the end of the day

Oh and having one child is because you’re just ensuring the population of the earth, right? EVERYONE has a child because they want one, what an absolutely asinine statement.

@CrazyLady82 I hope you’re feeling ok today. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope the rest of it goes well. Hide this thread and ignore the craziness would be my advice.

TerrorWig · 10/06/2020 09:55

@SweetPetrichor do you expect people to a) lie and say they like it when they don’t; b) be completely truthful to say they don’t like it; c) make an ambiguous statement which they’re clearly doing to spare your feelings?

Do you think you’re owed a positive statement or something? If you like it, OWN it. There’s so much on this site about accepting yourself and not caring about others opinions - but when it comes to hair, apparently it’s very hurtful to not enthusiastically love a cut?

I’d suggest that if you shave your head and rely on others to tell you how great they think it is, then maybe you’re not all that sure of it yourself.

TerrorWig · 10/06/2020 09:58

(And that’s fine btw, just don’t use other people as props to your happiness)

swampytiggaa · 10/06/2020 10:06

@SchadenfreudePersonified

NiceLegs

Seeing your beautifully shaped shaved head makes me want to do mine again . . .

. . . I'd forgotten how much I loved it.

It’s persuaded me... day after lockdown 🙂 no going back!
DD Shaved Her Head
Ooopsijustsnarted · 10/06/2020 10:12

“It seems that I'm supposed to be all happy that she shaved her hair off (when I'm not). But I should hold her hand when she finds out I'm pregnant? Seems to be two different ways.”

One is a life changing event for everyone, she has been an only child for 18 years, and now everything will be different, she won't be 'the favourite' anymore, she will have to share her parents - so while she's an adult and should except it, of course its going to be hard.

The other is a hair cut, this time next year you will have probably all forgotten about it, or she'll love having it shaved and it will be 'her' and you couldn't imagine her any other way.

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