Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD Shaved Her Head

437 replies

CrazyLady82 · 09/06/2020 17:48

More of a wwyd.

My DD18 has just called me and told me she has shaved her head. DD already had short hair.

DD reasons were that her hair was damaged from all the coloring and she didn't like the color it was.

I am sitting here trying not to loose my mind. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with DD2 and am thinking part of my reaction is pregnancy hormones. After telling DD I wasn't happy with the choice, but it was her choice I hung up the phone. I have been crying and silent screaming for 10 minutes.

I don't want to say anything to bad to her. I know that it is her choice.

Could someone help give me a reality check that shaving her head isn't that bad? I need to get a grip as it is her life.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Rubyroost · 09/06/2020 20:47

Oh my! She's 18 fgs. I did this at exactly the same age. Went to the pub and came back with my head shaved (they were ahving a charity shave and I joined in). My mum responded by telling me how beautiful I was. Can't believe you've cried. 😳

ToastyFingers · 09/06/2020 20:48

You've shown your dd that you care more about her looks than you do about her.
Would you 'silent scream' if she got a Bob? A pixie?

This is a massive overreaction to a perfectly ordinary haircut. plenty of women are shaving their hair off at the moment, I think it looks great personally. I think you owe her an apology.

MorganKitten · 09/06/2020 20:57

You are a bit odd. Hair grows, or she can wear a wig. She is an adult.

GalwayGrowl · 09/06/2020 21:03

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace I'm 36 and you look younger than me! You look fabulous but also professional. (Whatever the fuck "looking" professional even means)

I might shave my head. Thanks for the inspo OP - several of us are now considering it.

Nsky · 09/06/2020 21:06

It will do her hair good, or scalp, calm down

GalwayGrowl · 09/06/2020 21:07

Beautiful:

DD Shaved Her Head
Regularsizedrudy · 09/06/2020 21:07

Oh for fucks sake it’s not your hair. Grow up.

onlinelinda · 09/06/2020 21:12

It is NOT your hair. You absolutely must try harder to relinquish control over her choices. My god, my young adults occasionally make choices I would prefer they didn't. But they are not my choices, and it is a part of growing up.

Original poster
CrazyLady82 · 09/06/2020 21:14

I admit that crying over DD18 shaving her hair was an overreaction. I see that.

What I don't understand is that it seems many people are assuming that I was crying and "silently" screaming at DD. I want to reiterate NO ONE was home when this was going on. This was my reaction.

Part of the reaction is due to being 25 weeks pregnant, not me trying to be controlling.

I never screamed at DD. I never told her she was ugly. I did tell her I wasn't happy with her choice. I am allowed my opinion.

NO DD18 didn't have to ask my permission to cut her hair. She in fact did not ask me. She called to let me know that she did it as a courtesy.

Again I get that crying was an over reaction.

For those asking, yes I am from the US.

OP posts:
carexfairex · 09/06/2020 21:16

This is just her way of acting out due to the pregnancy. The more attention you give her the more extreme her action next time.

She is 18, not bloody 4 Hmm

0blio · 09/06/2020 21:19

@IncrediblySadToo thank you for your kindness, she is doing well 🤞 (and her hair is growing back nicely Smile)

MorganKitten · 09/06/2020 21:21

NO DD18 didn't have to ask my permission to cut her hair. She in fact did not ask me. She called to let me know that she did it as a courtesy

She didn’t need to ask you, or even tell you. It’s really not as big a deal as you’re making it.

1forsorrow · 09/06/2020 21:21

So funny how people are being really nasty to the OP and telling her not to be nasty. How dare a pregnant woman be hormonal!

Don't worry OP, you'll get used to her shaved head, she'll get used to being a big sister.

1forsorrow · 09/06/2020 21:24

She is 18, not bloody 4 Well maybe she could act her age then and realise that what you say to another woman when she tells you she is pregnant is "Congratulations", particularly one who has had fertility issues,

Regularsizedrudy · 09/06/2020 21:26

“It seems that I'm supposed to be all happy that she shaved her hair off (when I'm not). But I should hold her hand when she finds out I'm pregnant? Seems to be two different ways.”

Er yeah because one is a life changing event the other doesn’t matter at all!

duletty · 09/06/2020 21:26

It’s hair it’s like a piercing it’s a thing it’s not permanent 🤷🏻‍♀️ Don’t work yourself up

occa · 09/06/2020 21:32

You don't have to be happy about it, but equally, there's no reason for you to feel anything about it really.

Not your body, not your hair, not your business.

I mean, sure, tell her you love it and she looks amazing or tell her you're not too keen, if you feel you must, but that'd be the extent of a normal reaction to an adult changing their hairstyle. Major non-issue.

peachgreen · 09/06/2020 21:40

It seems that I'm supposed to be all happy that she shaved her hair off (when I'm not). But I should hold her hand when she finds out I'm pregnant? Seems to be two different ways.

Er, yes. Because you're the mother and she's the child. And one is a new family member, a massively life-changing event for anyone, and the other is a hair cut.

Can I gently suggest working through some of these issues before your next child is a teenager? If your 18 year old cuts her hair in a way you don't like the best thing to do is tell her she looks great. If you can't tell a white lie, tell her the cut isn't to your taste but she's so gorgeous she's pulling it off. Tell her it brings out her eyes. Tell her you're so proud of her for being brave and experimenting. Anything positive you can bring yourself to say. Because it's hair and its hers and it doesn't matter. But her self-esteem and the way she feels about her mum does.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

peachgreen · 09/06/2020 21:42

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace you look amazing.

Bluntness100 · 09/06/2020 21:43

Because you're the mother and she's the child

Exactly. She’s not your mate. She’s your daughter. Your role is to support her. Her role is not to support you.

1forsorrow · 09/06/2020 21:44

So she's an adult and she can shave her head if she wants to but she is also a child who needs help dealing with the fact that shock horror her mother is having a baby. Toddlers cope with it, I'm sure an 18 year old will survive.

RiftGibbon · 09/06/2020 21:44

One of my friends did this when she was 18, and that was over 20 years ago. Overnight she went from Rapunzel to Sinead O'Connor.
Suited her!

PipGirl404 · 09/06/2020 21:50

Your username is apt.

Also, you need help. It's hair, it'll grow back. Confused

BobbyTheVetIsMyHero · 09/06/2020 21:52

Oh, OP, I feel for you with the pregnancy hormones, mine made me crazy. I echo what others have said with it could be a lot worse, though it must be very hard having a rebelling teen and a bump.

It sounds like what you need the most is to log out, have a bath and a cuppa and spend some time just on you.

SunshineCake · 09/06/2020 21:56

@MuthaClucker

Not sure why women in particular shaving their heads creates such strong feelings. Shaved mine at start of April, and got told that I 'looked like a dyke' amongst other charming things (not that I give a flying fuck anyways)

I think three, maybe four time since my teens, I've gone from very long hair to very short/shaved on a whim. Every time, the reaction from some people (mainly males) has been quite eye opening. Some blokes (acquaintances or colleagues) almost seemed personally affronted by it. Weird.

Probably because they expect you to look pretty and feminine just for them. And pretty and feminine as they decree those attributes to be.