To think a UK size 16-18 is not curvy but fat?

[GymGirl23]

Yes I know some will probably flame me for using the word fat but I'm concerned about some family members. The Mum is 5ft 4" with 3 daughters aged betwen 18 and 22 who are all a similar height. She and the eldest both take medication for High BP and the other 2 daughters are also heading that way.

The Mum said a while ago that it was 'great' they could swap clothes as they're all now a size 16-18! What bugs me is they are totally clueless about health topics and diet and the Mum has fed the girls crap diets all of their lives high in salt, fat and sugar. Even when they cook at home it's high in fat and sugar with huge portions! The worst part is she buries her head in the sand saying they're luckily not a fat family but are all just curvy girls and that it runs in the family along with High BP! The fact is they are all FAT and it's self inflicted and unfair on themselves. The girls are huge now with double chins and have no waists but hey they take great care with makeup, tan, hair and nails so that makes it OK then? Why can't they see what they're doing to themselves? My Mum says I shouldn't offer them advice as they get very offended if anyone ever suggested they were even slightly overweight but I would like to help them as I know alot about nutrition and keeping fit.

Are people who are that size truly happy with how they look and feel and do they believe they're not fat but have curves instead?

@DorsetCamping exactly what I wrote a few comments back from yours - I couldn’t agree more.
Why are so many people in denial here?? Why has the UK dress sizes increased so much? A size 12 now is equal to a size 8-10 in the 1990’s
I was 2 stone overweight 20 years ago. I was moving out of a size 16 and needed bigger. There were hardly any 18’s in the normal shops like Bay Trading etc - maybe one or two items but not many. I started looking in Evans. This is what gave me the push to loose weight. Didn’t want to be restricted to Evans and not to be able to find clothes in my usual shops.
But now- most clothes shops go up to 22+ sizes. You can just go up and up was past overweight into obese and beyond.
It’s not ok. It’s all of our business - this affects all of us- it’s all of our taxes and health system. Smoking is known as bad news. No one fights for the right to smoke when and where they want.
Eating so much of the wrong thing will cause so many illnesses but it’s ok for food companies to fill the shelves full of cheap sugary crap for pennies. It’s ok so say eat what you want- being obese is fine and you are curvy. It’s not ok, not for anyone in this country!

Calling someone a cunt and a twat is unacceptable also just because your opinion is different.
Weight is something that can creep on. There’s nothing wrong with someone pointing out that you have added weight in a nice way. Maybe it’s a wake up call. I’ve had it said to me and to be honest I think anybody was being a “cunt”.

They are positives maybe you may want to loose weight but feel self conscious to go to the gym alone or just need a good kick up the back side. The line does have to be drawn like everything in life.

Love yourself more and maybe you won’t hate others so much.

People bury their heads in the sand and don’t listen so I wouldn’t bother. My step daughter has just turned 9, she’s a bit above average height (one of the taller in her class) but wears adult size 12 - 14 clothes. Her mother (& my dh to some extent) doesn’t see it as an issue, says she may a big girl, but she’s healthy. She’s not, she can’t even walk for 10 minutes without getting out of breathe, has no energy to do anything and wants to sit watching YouTube all day.
I really worry about her, she just seems so unhappy, she’s made comments about other children calling her fat, she struggles with clothing that doesn’t feel uncomfortable and constantly says her legs are sore from chafing. But all my concerns fall on deaf ears, she eats healthily at our house but I know my dh will sneak her treats as he doesn’t want to be the ‘mean dad’🙄 I have tried to encourage her to join in with activities I do with my children but have given up now as I was getting no where and she sees it as a chore as at her mums she gets to sit in front of a screen all day.
But yes I totally agree, size 16-18 is not curvy, especially not with today’s vanity sizing.

OP I’m back again just to emphasise the point that, yes, you are probably right but had you said, “I’m really worried about x family member, they are really overweight and have associated health problems, their mother is also overweight and I feel almost encouraging them to be bigger, should I step in and try to help?”
You didn’t, you made nasty digs about them wearing make up and tan and having double chins, no waist etc etc, it was totally unnecessary information which came across as bitchy and condescending, can you see that?, that is why people’s backs are up. They know they are overweight, if you genuinely want to help and have some formal qualification that enables you to advise them on diet and exercise, great, go ahead, but please, please, re-read what you have said about these girls you claim to care about.

The best thing you could do for them is to get out of their lives. Take your contempt elsewhere.

You can't help them unless they want help, the same as you can't stop an alcoholic to stop drinking. The way you talk about them is unkind and your sweeping comments suggesting that size 16 people should feel unhappy/ ashamed could trigger bad feelings in some people reading this. You are insensitive. Being concerned about levels of obesity and health is not unreasonable at all but your general attitude is. They haven't asked for your advice so keep your mouh shut. If they do say they would like to lose weight then you can offer to help. Stop fixing other people and focus on yourself.

You're brave coming onto Mumsnet to talk about weight. It always ends in a fight as do the smoking and alcohol posts.

Zara- doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be talked about though! It’s an important topic affecting us all! So what if it ends in a fight? All the more reason that it might be an important topic!

Time2change2 I agree but so many people are incapable of discussing weight issues in a rational way. It's been like this for years I don't get it. My friend was obese for years, she has lost the weight and managed to keep it off. She is no longer on medication for high blood pressure and she looks great.

To be honest I've been trying to think of something I could possibly say to get it through to OP and the other hideously rude people on here that insults aren't going to fix the obesity problem in the UK. But I realise it's pointless, you're pathologically conceited and you'll never listen. It blows my mind that anybody who's lost a few pounds/a stone/ two stone can genuinely believe that they are in a position to advise those that have 4+ stone to lose and those with self esteem issues. I guess that's just further proof as to how deluded you are. Fortunately there are people on this thread with empathy, people who acknowledge their own weight issues and have valid opinions, generally other people who aren't you. Or to put it in a way you're more likely to understand: 'AIBU to think that being rude and blunt doesn't make you 'direct' but just plain ugly?'

I am 6ft 1 and size 16-18 depending on the fit. I weigh 84 kgs and bar a very little bit of belly wobble ( post 2 kids) I am not fat!

Very few tall women are naturally 6ft 1 and less than a size 12. I think you will find most 6ft 1 men would struggle to fit in anything less than a 16 !

Get a life OP - I am very happy with my height, weight, fitness, diet and general outlook on life

I am that size...though much much older ... and I would be offended if someone thought they had an obligation to be so personal about my weight, you don’t know their reasons, and it’s none of your business anyway...

Yanbu that 16-18 at that height is probably fat. I am 5'6 and used to be a 16 and I was fat then- overweight according to BMI. I addressee the fact I was fat and lost the weight to become a size 10 and a healthy BMI so I agree with you there.
But, I don't think it's any of your business to intervene. They will know they are overweight and really there is no tactful way of giving advice so you're best not to. So for that bit yabu.

It's fine for people to have empathy and acknowledge the (undeniable and inherent) struggle in weight loss as a discipline.

However I think some of the personal attacks on people who are pointing out valid things about UK's obesity crisis (yep, there is one) and the denial around weight loss in this country, are just wrong.

Why personally attack them just because they are saying something you don't like?

@GinDaddyRedux if you see any personal attacks, report them.

Well tbh a 5ft 4 and size 16-18 yes they are fat unless it’s because they have quads and biceps the size of Arnie.

But is it any of your business -no. They are probably telling you this in the nicest way to fuck off before you start your inevitable judgemental shit on the daughters.

To be honest i wouldn't say 16 - 18 was huge but at the same time i can see you have some concerns. Anyway there's no polite way of saying what you want to say really. You came across as quite harsh although that may have been unintended but sometimes theres no way of telling people without causing offence and hurt. Perhaps invite them to the gym or some form of exercise with you but do it tactfully. But just remember weight is an emotive subject that upsets people

People have definitely become fatter and yes a 16-18 at 5ft 4 inches is fat imho.
My mum is 5ft 3 and a size 20. She is overweight and I would like her to lose weight for health reasons.
However, it is no use me pointing it out to her. she knows that she is overweight and is obviously not ready to tackle it.
So Op, you need to mind your business.
You mentioned that you had lost weight and this is probably why you have decided that you are the authority on diet. It’s always those who were formerly overweight who are most critical of those with weight issues.
People need to be psychologically ready to lose weight and you can criticise overweight people all you want, but that’s is not helpful

Would be interesting if drug, smoking and alcohol addictions were still given the same 'mind your own business' attitudes as people seem to have on here regarding obesity.

Yy Dorset.

@DorsetCamping- I think that posters think that the Op is being disingenuous about wanting to help her relatives and that this thread is a stealth boast.

Hence why they are telling the Op to mind her own business

@DorsetCamping I think a thread saying 'I'm concerned about my relative smoking, I want them to be healthy', would be much better received than 'my relative smokes, she stinks all the time and her teeth look like shit but she still puts on mascara like she still thinks she's pretty'. The latter isn't concern, it's out and out judgemental and it's unnecessary.

So it’s not just about dress size

Absolutely
I'm an aus 6
Yet I smoke, eat as I please, pay no attention to nutrition, never exercise apart from a random walk to shop, couch potato.
My old housemate, size 16 aus, much healthier diet, didn't smoke, exercised, generally active life, even gave up drinking, just a bigger build.
By the OP logic, I'd be the fitter one on looks but reality is much different