"Do they have the same father?"

[firstmentat]

The children have an age gap of just over a year (both still quite young). Still, sometimes people ask me this question (not as a part of their professional duties, but in general as a part of "getting to know you" chat). I am a single parent, the father (same to both children) is not involved.
I cannot point out exactly why, but this does sound to me as it has an unpleasant undertone. But I am not British, and there were occasions when I misread the situation due to cultural differences.
To me, they effectively are asking whether I have slept with a man other than my ex husband with a tiny baby. Or am I completely misreading the subtext?

I get this all the time! Even on a date once! Really does upset me, maybe irrationally.
My 3 dc have big gaps between two of them so assumed it was all ways because of this. I always want to answer something really sarcastic back but in the end I end up having to justify myself

@TheDramaLlama123

I get this all the time! Even on a date once! Really does upset me, maybe irrationally. My 3 dc have big gaps between two of them so assumed it was all ways because of this. I always want to answer something really sarcastic back but in the end I end up having to justify myself

Go with your gut...be sarcastic as fxxk.

The rudeness!

I don't be get why it's such a rude question when you are getting to know someone. It's not beyond the realms of probability that some one may have had children by different dads due to a relationship breaking up or re marriage or whatever.
I've been asked it loads over the years as well as ' are you still with their dad'. The answer happens to be yes.
Thinking about my friendship group, one lady is in her late 50s and had an abusive marriage that she fled with her two year son. She met a bloke through work and they got married 13 months later and had two children quickly. They are still together after 36 years. Another friend was had her child at 19 and her partner was murdered when the child was 14 months. She met someone and there is 4 years between her first and second child.
I haven't got a problem with it. People seem surprised when they meet me that I still with my children's father. We've been together for 30 years so I don't know where they get that vibe from!😂

So rude ,I really don't know why anybody would ask that.

A very respectable friend has three children. She married, had one child and her husband couldn't cope and left them. Years later she met someone else, became pregnant and then her ex husband turned up and wanted to try again. He said he was happy to be a father to the second child, the other man wanted her to abort. She then had another baby.

Her second child looks very different from her siblings but they are a family and all the children are treated as full siblings. The amount of tactless comments people make is horrible. They make the comments to the children or in front of the children. It is none of their business and so rude.

I don’t know why anyone would ask this. I wouldn’t. Not unless it was relevant to our conversation, eg maintenance or something like that. But as a getting to know you chat, that’s weird.

Try being black with a white husband. When he’s out with our children he gets asked who he is babysitting for (amongst other vile things)

People are rude arseholes OP.

I had 3 in 4 years. Oldest has flaming golden red hair paper white skin and huge brilliant blue eyes, middle has dark hair, olive skin and dark brown eyes, youngest ( of the 3 ) also has red hair, very red hair but totally different shade of red, much darker, darker skin tone than oldest but nowhere as dark as middle and beautiful hazel eyes. I used to get asked all the time " is he yours too" as they would look at the middle child. They all had the same dad.

Think people dont see past the red hair. The youngest ( of the 3 ) had a friend who used to come out with us a lot, this child also had redish hair, very sandy though. Was twice the height of my child and looked NOTHING like them. People used to ask if they were twins as, again, they couldnt see past the red hair

I then divorced first husband and had number 4 a lot of years later with my now DH, this one is blonde and blue eyed. I was never asked if she had the same dad though.

Now that I look back, I remember my ex MIL who hated me with a passion questioned me on the oldest, he couldnt be my exh child as not a single one of the other grandchildren had blue eyes, she treated him like shit too, the whole family did, never put 2 and 2 together before now, just thought she was an evil old cow and kept him away from her

Just put them back on the spot and say 'why do you ask?'...watch them squirm.

Just put them back on the spot and say 'why do you ask?'...watch them squirm
Don't be daft why would people squirm if its a getting to know you conversation? Wouldn't it be better to have things set straight at a beginning of a friendship rather than have a friend trying gto have missing pieces of a life puzzle and putting her own narrative together?
Why are people so quick to be offended? Just tell the truth. Either kids have different dads or they dont! Own your past and tell people how it is.
To be honest I doubt anyone really cares. Most of the time people say things for conversation which is a two way street. You can ask the sane question back.