AIBU ski hol

[hedgehogfriendly]

Ok so, situation is this. Both DH and myself laid off during pandemic, v v lucky to say parents helping us out with bills that still need paying, doing work for them in return. DH announced that his mates (with families) are going on a ski hol in nov. He wants us to go to, sats he will have found a job by then and if not cancellation fee is £200 so is not too bad (im fully aware how privileged this sounds, please don't burn me for this, I don't agree with that stance). I don't want to go for 3 reasons.

1. Think it's a pisstake to be spending money we don't have on a hol, even if we have jobs by then we should be using it to repay shit.
2. The other family's kids are way older than my kids (mine are 4 and 7, theirs are more like teenagers). Don't think DH Has thought about fact that when his mates plus kids are skiing red slopes and in bars at night, ours won't be doing that so he'll not be able to bugger off every day with the older lot.
3. Still worried about Coronavirus. Not even sure if I'll be able to visit my vulnerable parents by Nov. Feeling nervous about booking hols this side of the new year.

AIBU to be nervous? Need a bit of a check on this maybe. So bloody confused by all the arguments. Could do with a range of opinions...

2.

We go skiing every year.
Family of 3.
No change from 4K in a very basic hotel.
It's a luxury holiday and certainly not one to take when you don't have spare cash

Why has everyone suddenly adopted the term "no change from" on this thread? And everyone gets "no change" from varying amounts

Do families of 4 get "change" from 4K on a standard European beach holiday because I know we don't!

France skiing for family of four even on a budget, driving, self booking everything was all in at 6k and that was cheap!! 🤦‍♀️

It's just sooo expensive, we did a shared chalet with strangers as well

OP lay it on line- you will be with DCyoungest so he will have to suit boot/drop collect- lunch- drop/collect carry back to boot room and be the Lackie for DC oldest all week -how does that affect his plan?

Thanks everyone. I've said no, texted the other people going explaining why. They know the bare bones of our situation but not much detail. DH is not happy and huffing. Round two expected tomorrow.

I totally get wanting DC to ski young, I'd imagine it's lovely to go on a ski hol and all ski together. I guess you have to get through the ski school years first. It would be fab to think it's something we can aim for early 2022 when kids are a bit older and we hopefully are better off and able to put money aside for a hol. I'll be prepared for round two tomorrow as I'm sure this isn't over. Then there will be the constant huffing when his mates are getting ready for it/talking about it.. followed by a proper huff when they actually fly out...
It sounds like I'm describing one of my kids doesn't it...

I couldn't be with someone so selfish and childish. Huffing? Until Christmas and every time it gets a mention

Honestly if I was one of his mates I'd think he was so childish. He needs to grow up.

As for sharing chalets with strangers and lugging equipment about all over the place, driving there and back and eating picnics everyday.....skiing sounds shit!! I can afford it and after this thread I won't be!

This November is when we lose EHIC cover. As it's not currently possible to get health insurance that covers you against coronavirus (unless policy and holiday in place before March) how are you planning to cover yourselves?

@Porcupineinwaiting I didn't even think of that...

Well looks like round two has started. Found out he texted the boys going on the trip to say that the reason I don't want to go is because of Coronavirus and I am afraid I'll endanger DC. He's not mentioned money!! So he's basically trying to make me look OTT. I've mentioned corona when I was talking to him and said I think things might still be uncertain, no one knows what's going to happen. But he's using that to make me look 100% paranoid. I've been careful through the pandemic and done things like put post aside, put some food in a cupboard for a couple days before I use it etc and I've had a few eye roll moments from him when he feels I've been over cautious. Fine. Whatever. But to make corona my main argument in a attempt to make me look unreasonable is shit. It's a consideration for me because of the whole uncertainty, but it's not the sole reason. Ive texted the group again to set the record straight. It's like in an argument he latches on to one thing I've said and twists it into a version of what I said but not the right version.
So he's ignoring the money issue now, saying cancellation fee is £200 if we cancel before October (he ignores the balance we will have to pay!!!) and has now made it out that my whole issue with it is Coronavirus and that I think the kids will catch it. They'll be back in school in September ffs. What does he think I'm going to do? Keep them off school and never work again? Xx

He's maybe trying to save face with his pals - easier to blame Coronavirus and you, than admit that currently you can't afford it and are being propped up financially by your in-laws.

Even if there were no money issues, this holiday wouldn't work that well due to the age differences between the DCs. If he wants a ski weekend with his pals, he should organise that once he has a job.

Well done for texting them and setting them straight. Your DH is throwing his toys out of the pram and if it wasn't so childish, it'd be amusing. I'd be repeating the facts: we cannot afford it. It's not feasible. No.

@schoolsoutforcovid
Because it's explaining the point, and I've no idea where you're going in Europe that costs that much.

What everyone else said, it's a ridiculous idea due to insurance/coronavirus/Brexit/EHICs, cost/affordability/job security and the fact that you don't ski, so need lessons, clothes, don't know if the DC will like it etc etc, but I'd also be very careful about the 'it's only £200 deposit' because many holidays only ask for a 'small' deposit (because you're clearly in a position to just throw away £200 on a whim ) but buried in the small print is that, if you cancel, you don't only lose your £200 deposit, but you might still owe them more money, because the full deposit is more than £200 but they only ask you to pay that amount to tempt you into booking. But if you cancel, you will need to pay them the rest of the deposit, which could be hundreds of pounds more.

Presumably your friends know that neither of you have jobs so why are they still encouraging him to book? It makes no sense!

Does he even know what resort they want to go to? I mean, unless it’s v high with glacier skiing it is very dodgy to book December in advance.

And resorts which have ‘guaranteed’ snow such as up on the glacier charge a lot more for their lift passes. Think more in the region of €350+ per week.

And has he even tried to get travel insurance atm? I am betting that will face a hefty increase in this climate too.

I really want to know how he can be sure the deposit is £200, yet you don’t even know when are where you’re supposedly going? 🤷🏻‍♀️

They have clearly decided on a specific week and a specific chalet / apartment rental.

Well done you on putting his mates straight that you simply can’t afford it.

It sound like his male pride wont allow him to say that you cant afford it.

I would just tell him you arent talking about it anymore - he can go round and round in circles but you just cant afford it. You understand he is upset about this but it is what it is

and then look at your relationship

This November is when we lose EHIC cover

EHIC cover is valid until 31st December 2020 - after which the cost of European travel insurance will increase substantially. If Corona is still an issue by the New Year then its likely that nobody is going anywhere, particularly not anywhere that involves being in close proximity with strangers, for example in a lift cabin.

I'm not sure why the EHIC cover is a particular issue - surely no one relies on just that for a ski trip? Comprehensive insurance is what is vital, although I do acknowledge that that will rocket in price in the absence of and EHIC.

OP I would text them and tell them exactly how it is. That you can't even afford to pay the council tax and are relying on other people for money. Now he's started trying to make out like you're crazy and paranoid he's given you the green light to defend yourself.

@2007Millie really? £4,000 doesn't get you very much (or should I say you'll "get no change from" it ). I wouldn't say it's a luxury holiday. I've just put into jet2 a holiday for this August to Cyprus for a family of 4 and there's nothing that gives you "change". I still don't understand why that phrase has suddenly become part of everyone's repertoire on this thread.

Stay strong OP, skiing costs a lot of money! For us, 2 adults & 2 kids, we're easily looking at 5 to 6 thousand (catered chalet, kids' ski schools, equipment hire & ski passes). We're not top of the budget or cheapest self-catering, but this type of holiday is a substantial outlay.

In your position I would feel the same too. And be extremely pissed that my DH wouldn't be grown up enough to accept the current financial situation.

Perhaps you could cost it out on paper, with the figures in black and white he might find it easier to accept. (Although why a grown man should need this explained to him is probably another thread...) Good luck.

How will both sets of parents feel, if they're bailing you out financially at the moment, to know he's happy to spend several thousand on a ski trip (that will be crap because no snow)?

Considering that the Italian ski resort was where a lot of Covid was spread around in the first place, I'd be giving skiing a miss until Covid has been fully dealt with.

@CallmeAngelina big assumptions on my part of course, but I suspect his parents wouldn’t mind at all, and therein lies the source of his attitude! He’s lost his job (tbf not his fault!) and they’ve managed to create one for him. They sound wealthy! And OP said he wanted for nothing growing up. I am sure that he absolutely does believe that by December (though balance and flight cost will be due sooner!) everything will be fine. He’ll have a job again, and even if there is debt from this year, it will now be manageable - so it’s OK to be paying that off (from his new job salary) at the same time as still spending.

Some people do have a very optimistic outlook, and to be fair to them - often everything is OK. I wouldn’t be surprised if his parents thought it was a great idea to plan something, and that £200 wasn’t much to lose if it didn’t come off.

I’ve already said - I’m with the OP! But I wouldn’t be surprised if his parents didn’t mind.