AIBU ski hol

[hedgehogfriendly]

Ok so, situation is this. Both DH and myself laid off during pandemic, v v lucky to say parents helping us out with bills that still need paying, doing work for them in return. DH announced that his mates (with families) are going on a ski hol in nov. He wants us to go to, sats he will have found a job by then and if not cancellation fee is £200 so is not too bad (im fully aware how privileged this sounds, please don't burn me for this, I don't agree with that stance). I don't want to go for 3 reasons.

1. Think it's a pisstake to be spending money we don't have on a hol, even if we have jobs by then we should be using it to repay shit.
2. The other family's kids are way older than my kids (mine are 4 and 7, theirs are more like teenagers). Don't think DH Has thought about fact that when his mates plus kids are skiing red slopes and in bars at night, ours won't be doing that so he'll not be able to bugger off every day with the older lot.
3. Still worried about Coronavirus. Not even sure if I'll be able to visit my vulnerable parents by Nov. Feeling nervous about booking hols this side of the new year.

AIBU to be nervous? Need a bit of a check on this maybe. So bloody confused by all the arguments. Could do with a range of opinions...

2.

I understand that some people may want something to look forward to in the future or a dream to keep them motivated.

However, do people really want to get onto a plane in the near future with virus risks ?Also 2 weeks quarantine on return to home country.

How does he intend to pay for the holiday ?

You have said that you are not currently paying basics like council tax. So his holiday is an unaffordable luxury - fact

I love skiing but I have not booked any trips yet for 20/21 because nobody knows if things will be running or not. As others have said it's an expensive holiday- even doing it cheaply once you add in lessons and lift pass you'll be lucky to get change from £3-4k. Also I'd never go at Christmas time as the weather is so hit or miss - if I'm going to fork out that much it has to be Feb half term or an early Easter week.

The ski trip will still be there if your financial position improves, but it would be silly to throw away deposit money when you know you can't afford it based on current circumstances .

I've been skiing now for nearly 40 years. I totally "get" his desire to go; Hell, I even went one year on crutches after breaking my leg (not to ski, clearly, but to get the mountain ambience, and the rest of the family were going anyway). But even we are thinking twice about next season. Even setting aside the snow aspect, I don't think I'd go this side of New Year at the earliest.

But the bottom line is, you really can't afford it. You have debts to pay off. Covid has made it a no-go. This is a bummer for everyone, but I would say that this is NOT the year to go.

I've been skiing a few times and agree about the time of year. Even December is being hopeful.

I think your DH needs a reality check and I'd be telling him what the priorities are and none of which involve a ski holiday.

Thanks everyone. Big row ensued here now why is this so bloody hard? You guys have made it loud and clear that I'm not BU (thank you for restoring my sanity btw, it's easy (for me) to lose your compass when you seem to be the only one saying one thing and everyone else saying another). Sigh.

How can he not be embarrassed that his parents are bailing you out by giving you jobs and he wants to spend thousands on a ski holiday...

You already know it will only be a holiday for him whilst you get dumped with looking after the kids! Does he actually want to be married and have a family?

He’s the one making it hard don’t let him guilt trip you.

This isn’t his last ever chance to go on a ski trip; he needs to grow the fuck up and deal with the current situation before even thinking about luxuries in that league. Grown ups have to put their families well being before jollies and keeping up their appearances with their mates.

Some of this will be due to his inability to deal with missing out. His friends might be pressuring you both now but I guarantee if they all still go it won’t affect the trip in the slightest and it won’t kill him to miss out.

Tell him to fuck off for guilt tripping you because you’re being forced to be the responsible adult in the relationship.

We have been for the last few years. 4 kids. No change out of 6k, and that's driving down and taking all our food, having packed lunches every day and not going to bars. Our big expenses are a private ski instructor (it is the same price as ski school for that many kids (plus me), and our kids hated ski school), kit hire, lift passes, and accommodation. It's not something I'd be considering if things had been tight and we'd borrowed money.

People have died. You want to go on holiday? Please. Show some respect.

I'm so sorry he's being such a bellend, you definitely aren't being unreasonable.

Has he lost the plot? What a selfish man! He has no income, has someone else paying all his bills, yet wants to book a holiday that will cost thousands? He can't actually be serious!

People have died. You want to go on holiday? Please. Show some respect.

Have you never been on holiday then? Ridiculous post!

We took a 3 and 5 year old on a skiing holiday. After initial excitement, hiring equipment, registering them in ski school for the week etc, they both not only refused to return to ski school after day 1 but even to go out in the snow at all. Even sledging resulted in tears and screaming. One of us had to stay in the room with them most of each day. Two years later we tried again, and they didn't even wave goodbye to us from the slopes. Happy as Larry.

Can’t believe anyone would consider booking an expensive holiday when they’ve lost their job! Will it be easy for your both to find new jobs?

As for the skiing- Do all the families have teens?
Have been skiing a couple of times at Easter (not as cold or busy, but touch and go for snow one year).
Definitely need about £5k
Went with a family with kids exactly the same age and the 2 mums had lessons with the 4 kids. The first year we were all the same level. Had to ski with the kids after the lesson. Then in the afternoon, we all skied together. In the evening we went out for dinner, back in apartment by 8-9pm for kids to go to bed. Kids were about 10-11 and 7-8.
Even if you had the money, who will be spending time with the children learning to ski? And they’ll likely be different abilities as the little one might not be that strong yet.
And is he planning on going out to bars every night or would you get a chance? And who’s getting up to get the kids ready for ski school (triple checking clothes/equipment)?

its fine to have the idea of a holiday to look forward to if you can afford it.

But you simply cant - can he not see that?

What happened in the row does he know you sent messages?

Getting small kids up and ready for ski school first thing in the morning is a NIGHTMARE. Invariably, you get them all togged out and zipped up and then one of them wants the bloody loo. You spend all week either lugging their skis and poles around in addition to your own, as well as carrying them too, more often than not.
Chances are, if you're there, your dh will bugger off up the mountain with his mates, leaving you to mop up all the tears and angst and sort out kiddie tea and baths etc back in the chalet.

Skiing holidays are sounding more dreadful as the posts go on

Ah yes, but we live for them every year!!
It's brilliant once you can all do it. And that first run, when your small daughter whizzes past you at the top of a hard, steep, icy red, and says, "it's OK Mummy, don't be scared, follow me," it's all worth it.

No resort is open in November because there is no snow. December is super touch and go, you’d have to go 2000m up minimum. It is also a COLD month to ski: Fine for able skiers who are always on the move exercising, not learners, especially young children.

Finally. And more importantly. We are entering the mother of recession, it is not the time to book expensive holidays, especially since you are already facing uncertainties. All the best to you OP.

"when your small daughter whizzes past you at the top of a hard, steep, icy red, and says, "it's OK Mummy, don't be scared, follow me," it's all worth it" erm you're really not selling it to me

I found skiing with a small child really difficult. Ended up being a rubbish holiday and now DH goes on his own and I fly elsewhere with LO. Everyone happy. It's also really expensive but my DH has gone every year since he was 20 and really enjoys it. Your DH has not thought it through.

Why not wait til nearer the time to book? Then you will know what the snow conditions are, and you should have time to save up. I don’t see what the rush is to book?? I doubt many people are booking holidays right now. I’d be scared the holiday company went bust in the meantime.

@CallmeAngelina I totally agree! My 11yo and I have been on the same hunger of ski trips. Last year she went down La Face, unaided, parallel all the way, whilst I did my first easy red I was so proud of her! (and she was proud of me - I’m a cowardy custard so my easy red was actually more scary ). OP - go skiing with them in a couple of years time, without him.

Learning as children makes for much better and more stylish skiers in the end. My two ski beautifully, (young adults now) with seemingly no effort, far better than dh and I have ever been.