AIBU ski hol

[hedgehogfriendly]

Ok so, situation is this. Both DH and myself laid off during pandemic, v v lucky to say parents helping us out with bills that still need paying, doing work for them in return. DH announced that his mates (with families) are going on a ski hol in nov. He wants us to go to, sats he will have found a job by then and if not cancellation fee is £200 so is not too bad (im fully aware how privileged this sounds, please don't burn me for this, I don't agree with that stance). I don't want to go for 3 reasons.

1. Think it's a pisstake to be spending money we don't have on a hol, even if we have jobs by then we should be using it to repay shit.
2. The other family's kids are way older than my kids (mine are 4 and 7, theirs are more like teenagers). Don't think DH Has thought about fact that when his mates plus kids are skiing red slopes and in bars at night, ours won't be doing that so he'll not be able to bugger off every day with the older lot.
3. Still worried about Coronavirus. Not even sure if I'll be able to visit my vulnerable parents by Nov. Feeling nervous about booking hols this side of the new year.

AIBU to be nervous? Need a bit of a check on this maybe. So bloody confused by all the arguments. Could do with a range of opinions...

2.

I hope the "moving things around" didn't include an employee losing hours to enable your DH to piss it up the wall on a ridiculous holiday he can't afford to keep up with the Joneses

If you're part of a group chat like it sounds you must be (for them to be putting pressure on) just send a message to it saying for them to go ahead and book without you this time as you can't afford to pay your bills let alone book a holiday at the moment.

Your husbands head might blow off because you've outed him for the piss taking child he is but you'll never have this problem again

He's completely unreasonable in my view. Skiing is really expensive. I've also stopped booking until much closer to the time when there is actually snow. Plus it seems a bit of a pisstake for your parents to help you out - only for an expensive holiday later in the year. I'd defintely be looking at paying them back/giving them something that would say "thankyou" and be useful for them.

It's also a bit difficult to do teens/smaller kids as one lot for skiing - obviously teens don't want to be held back, the others need to ski with their age range. We love skiing as a family especially now our kids are older - we went over Xmas and lessons and lift passes made great presents but it is expensive.

@thatwouldbeanecunemicalmatter most definitely not! that was never going to happen..

@schoolsoutforcovid might have to do something like this. It will bring on a shit show but I think it's all I can do... fuck :(

If I were your parents (or his for that matter) and I'd bailed you out and you repaid my kindness and generosity by booking a hideously expensive holiday, I'd be incredibly disappointed. And you may be working for your in-laws but I bet they could hire better qualified people for less.

Your husband isn't a very nice man.

It's time to just say a flat no to it.
It's just a stupid suggestion and it's time for him to get a grip.

My parents would be absolutely furious if they lent me money in an emergency and I buggered off skiing!

v v lucky to say parents helping us out with bills that still need paying, doing work for them in return

So he's always been enabled by his parents?
He knows the Bank Of Mummy and Daddy will always bail him out so he doesn't care about 'reasonable' and 'common sense'.
He is very entitled.

How about you tell him that there will be no holidays until at least one of you is back in full time work and earning?

I'd definitely send the text. Then tell him you had to nip it in the bud because his desperate attempts to deceive and show off were becoming severely unattractive

It's awful as he's put you in the position of being the one that "ruins it" by saying no and being sensible given your current situation.
He needs to grow up.

You are stuck here though either you say no completely and he is pissed off with you, blames you as the decision maker to the other friends going or you go and for the next few months feel gutted and stressed over the cost and I guarantee after month of uncertainty you won't enjoy it either, every extra you will be counting the pennies in your head.

Also my brother has his son and girlfriend moved back in as they both lost their jobs due to C19 and he's already a bit miffed with all the just eats deliveries and most recently cocktails delivered to the house when they've got nowhere to live. They are 23 and 25 and need to be more practical about their set up. I think it's as someone said up thread massively rude to plan such an expensive holiday when you know at this moment you cannot afford it.

Suggest you say to him you can decide nearer the time? There’s bound to be availability even if you are in dif accom to your mates. Blame it on not sure about snow quality at that time if he needs an excuse with his mates.

That's such a pisstake to your parents. How about, if you have money spare after you've repaid your parents you take your parents on holiday to say thankyou.

This

And your 42 year old spoilt man child husband needs to learn gratitude and kindness - also he needs to grow the fuck up

How does someone get to 42 and still be a spoilt child?!

What kind of friends do you have that would not understand "weve lost our jobs, we cant afford to go"? Tbh if I were the parents giving you money to get by, and you booked a ski holiday, I'd feel like a right mug.

You will have to go during school holidays won’t you? Or does he plan on taking them out of school to go? Horrendously expensive and no fun at all with small DC who haven’t been before. He’s in cloud cuckoo land.

What they all said^^

And in NOVEMBER???? Unless the plan is to go to the top of the highest glacier in Europe, that is an insane idea. I wouldn't chance it in December either, actually. Unless, again, it was a really high resort.

@edwinbear I think from what I gather he's. Ow talking Christmas hol time (the most expensive??!!) how the goal posts keep changing...
agree that he's behaving like a spoiled brat :( horrid to say but it's the truth. Too much entitlement I think :( whole situation is shit. We should be pulling together through this not bloody fighting about holidays we can't afford. Few sick now waiting for the explosion to happen. I've just texted two of the wives going to say no and why not. DH will prob not have relayed to his mates how stray he'd we are. Too much pride :( I'm the opposite, I'm actually grateful we still have our house(!) and am not afraid to say that we are struggling. There are plenty in our position and some in much much worse positions. In my opinion we should be bloody grateful not moaning about what we can't have :(

Thanks all for keeping me sane. Feels very lonely in this house right now!

@CallmeAngelina I am clueless when it comes to skiing and snow etc so good to know. No wonder Feb is when everyone seems to go then...

I’d be divorced before December if I was lumbered with him!

Not because he wants to ski, or has a laissez afore approach to money (I’d hate that, but we’re all different) but because you’ve described him as the kind of man who who go without you and ditch your kids on someone what am arsehole.

1. November isn’t going to happen - most resorts don’t open until December

1. December - assuming all 5 families aren’t taken kids out of school when they’ve only just gone back (?) that’s a very short very expensive window

I actually don’t think your 7yo needs to be cold and soggy after 2 hours. That’s what ski clothes are for. And though you know your kids, a 4 and 7yo could have a marvellous time! (at 4, mine begged me not to leave her in ski school and ditched it first day - returning age 7, she did her first black run after 5 days and was put out at having to finish early every day because of the late season afternoon thaw). But it’s a joint decision.

As to the money... look, I’m with you, that’s how I operate. But his financial outlook is different, more optimistic. Not least because is parents are bunging you both a job now! If they can do that now, presumably they will until he gets a job of his own again. It would give me the heebiejeebies but I know plenty of people who have that outlook. He’s likely not wrong - especially with his parents helping - by Nov you’ll be in a position to holiday. Again: I stress it’s not how I would feel, but I don’t think his optimistic outlook is wrong.

I would tell him - go ahead and research it, let me know our full share, including kids clubs if needed, all kit and passes. And remind him that he can have 1 day (2 if you like) doing what he likes - but all other days must be with your kids, or doing their club pick ups. See how that goes down. But f false promises - I’d reconsider marriage let alone a holiday.

I don’t understand how you can not know if it’s Dec or Nov, yet know it’s £200 non returnable deposit. He’s not telling the full story.

Stand your ground. Tell him you are definitely not going so he knows if he goes ahead and books it will be the start of world war three. You are definitely in the right on this one. He needs to grow up! Good luck!

OP, on November skiing... I like Val d’Isère which is one of the highest most snow sure resorts in Europe. And by god do you pay for that! The opening of the season last 3 years has been Nov 24th, 25th, 30th. This year, estimate is 26th. There pretty much is no Nov skiing in Europe.

And yes, crossed posts with you on Xmas... it is an eye wateringly expensive time to ski!

If your friends don't understand that your current financial situation has changed your lives, then they are not friends.

Bloody hell, I just re-read that you’re not even paying your council tax right now so I take back about sending him off to research it (which was anyway supposed to put him off!). Given that he’s never wanted for anything, and his parents have bailed him out now, I was assuming that they actually wouldn’t mind him spending his wages however he wanted. May even encourage it. But if you’re behind on a basic like council tax? Just no. And, I really would leave him over bullying me into going, or spending money you didn’t have (credit card?) to go.