AIBU ski hol

[hedgehogfriendly]

Ok so, situation is this. Both DH and myself laid off during pandemic, v v lucky to say parents helping us out with bills that still need paying, doing work for them in return. DH announced that his mates (with families) are going on a ski hol in nov. He wants us to go to, sats he will have found a job by then and if not cancellation fee is £200 so is not too bad (im fully aware how privileged this sounds, please don't burn me for this, I don't agree with that stance). I don't want to go for 3 reasons.

1. Think it's a pisstake to be spending money we don't have on a hol, even if we have jobs by then we should be using it to repay shit.
2. The other family's kids are way older than my kids (mine are 4 and 7, theirs are more like teenagers). Don't think DH Has thought about fact that when his mates plus kids are skiing red slopes and in bars at night, ours won't be doing that so he'll not be able to bugger off every day with the older lot.
3. Still worried about Coronavirus. Not even sure if I'll be able to visit my vulnerable parents by Nov. Feeling nervous about booking hols this side of the new year.

AIBU to be nervous? Need a bit of a check on this maybe. So bloody confused by all the arguments. Could do with a range of opinions...

2.

This is crazy. Timing is wrong for skiing, unless it is December. It's ridiculously expensive, even when done as cheaply as possible.

Oh, and then we've no idea if we'll be allowed to travel then nor if countries will have people from the UK. What happens if you can't go? Can you even get insurance against Corona caused issues anymore?

You are not crazy at all, some 💐for you, I think it’s very unfair you are put in the position of fun stopper. I also agree, though I love it, skiing is an expensive holiday.

You can't afford it.

There's a load of other things wrong with the idea, but that's the bottom line.

Pp’s are spot on! Horrifically expensive and especially if they are considering France/Switzerland/Austria etc. Even somewhere like Bulgaria won’t be cheap. (Retired travel agent here!)

Also, even if you put it back to December, snow conditions won’t be great unless you are really lucky. Slopes have a tendency to be quite icy in the best resorts as you get closer to January. (February is the best month when prices are highest.) The resorts may use the snow machines but still probably won’t be ideal.

At that time of year you probably will find a bargain week - away from Christmas/New Year of course - but it’s the additional costs as pp’s have mentioned. Believe me, they are not exaggerating with regards to lift passes which are non negotiable. Many resorts were charging £250 per lift pass when I retired over 5 years ago so they are probably even more now.😱

Sorry but I would be saying a firm NO to this idea. Apart from anything he is being massively disrespectful to your parents who are being good enough to bail you out at present. Tell him to find another job first, then repay your parents and THEN you can consider financing a holiday!

You both have to be on board for a skiing holiday. It can be an expensive holiday we pay £4-£5K for 3* in Europe during February half-term and you will need ski clothes, you can hire equipment.

We normally go with a bigger group as it is more fun and after lessons you can ski in smaller groups of similar skiing abilities. You need to consider what if one or both your children don't take to skiing what happens then? As long as your DH doesn't think he is going to be skiing all day and then apres skiing afterwards whilst you get stuck doing all the childcare.

Money problems aside skiing holidays are great fun for families of all ages. Not sure where your DH thinks he is skiing in November or even December. You might be lucky with the snow in Europe the week before Christmas but you might want to look at Scandinavia as they have a longer season. Otherwise you will be looking at over New Year or February half-term which are so busy anc the most expensive in Europe.

Honestly, how do you cope living with such a selfish, stupid man?

I couldn't live with someone so self absorbed, selfish, irresponsible and stupid.

So neither of you have jobs but you expect your parents to pay for your bills whilst you're planning a holiday.
Surely if you manage to find jobs by then your priority will be re-paying your family members and not swanning off on a holiday.

Even in December the snow is very unreliable. You'd risk being stuck in an apartment somewhere with nothing to do. Has he any idea how much hire plus lessons plus lift pass cost for a week? It will add up to thousands it's literally the most expensive type of holiday I can think of, in term time. Especially for a 4 year old, I imagine at that age even if they love it they will only last a few hours. Also if its cancelled due to corona I think most insurance will exclude that now.
Do you live near a snow dome? When they open you can always say you'll take the kids and see how they like it

Your DH sounds very selfish and isn't taking into consideration anyone else but himself. I would point blank refuse op and if your circumstances change then you can book a holiday of your own choice.

I said that about snow too .. he's now saying t might be December.. so think it's more a "let's book a trip" thing rather than "I've booked one already"

So, now issue with losing a deposit then.

The priority should be paying back what you’ve been given and making sure you’ve got a financial cushion in future, not a holiday. Your DH needs to get his priorities right.

My god. The answer is just no. Let him sulk if he really must, unattractive as that is.

You can't pay your bills. Tell the friends that are piling the pressure on, why are you keeping up appearances?

How have you cancelled your council tax?

He’s living in cloud cuckoo land re money. I agree that its a massive pisstake of your parents too.

You can ski here in western Canada in November and December, but you’ll freeze your arse off.

Minimum £4K for a family of 4 skiing. And you don't have jobs. Madness! Surely your first thought will be to paying your parents back?

I think you need to be harsh and make it very clear to your dh and whoever is pressuring you that you are both unemployed and now is not the time to be booking any holidays let alone skiing ones.

Tell him to look at doing it in 2021 instead of chasing expensive fantasies.

@schoolsout I emailed them for a three month break, it means I'll have to make up payments later though.
@unchien my point exactly. His folks have temporarily employed us for three months, we are working for it but it's still very nice of them to move things around so we can earn. My folks are retired and bless them have transferred me a bit of money which I've instantly put away and it won't be touched unless we are in a hole we can't get out of. Once things are stable financially that will get repaid immediately and I hope I won't have to use it. It certainly WONT be going on a ski holiday...

Tell him that once you’ve gotten square with your families and built up a nest egg in case you need it again (recommendation is usually 6 months worth of money for bills), then you can talk about holidays. It’s also not fair he’s making you the default adult who has to say no!

Is no one listening to the op.. They are WORKING for the money they are getting,, so I'm guessing there's no need to pay it back @hedgehogfriendly?

Regardless, your DH is being selfish to disregard your concerns about this holiday. Your finances aren't stable and this is an extravagance that can wait, surely. He is behaving like a sulky child.

What??! Your dh needs a total reality check.

I'd be more worried about paying back your parents the money they helped you out with during this time. Booking a skiing holiday 6 months away is a totally unreasonable imo

You can't afford it. That's the start and end of it.

@damnyouautocabbage
Yes that's right, the money we are getting from earning we won't need to pay back, the money from my folks I will most definitely want to repay even if my folks don't expect me to. That's why I've put it away as a "dire emergency fund" and it will hopefully stay untouched until I can get stable and then I will transfer it back. Even if I don't use it though, i feel it would be a smack in the face to try and go on any holiday before it's paid back and like lots of PPs have said, until we have more stability and a money cushion of sorts underneath us.
It makes me feel more sane reading these comments. I'm definitely in the minority when it comes to the group going away (they don't have money issues) and I'm definitely feeling the pressure form DH. I'm apparently over anxious. Just sick of having to be the "voice of reason" the whole time. He sees it as me being anxious and authoritarian. I see it as me being sensible and realistic. I've always been taught to get what you can afford and nothing else. Don't think DH wanted for much growing up and is used to just "doing it and worrying later" roughly translated as "my folks will see me right". I hate that entitlement and assumption. In my eyes it's childish and selfish. But what would I know, I'm apparently over anxious, overly bossy and an all out party pooper...

hes a prat
paying the bills and paying back the parents comes way way before holidays, especially ski trips which may not go ahead anyway

This is madness. Skiing is our most important holiday each year but even we are not counting on going in the coming season.

And leaving aside the money and travel risk,

1. Snow in December is unreliable

1. It can be absolutely FRIGID in December so potentially miserable for the kids to learn in

Really not the time to be booking a holiday, I think your DH needs to grow up and stop trying to keep up with his friends.
You need to know you have jobs first before you start committing to anything that expensive.
It sucks having to be the grown up in the relationship.
I suspect you will end up doing all the child care etc on holiday as he will be too busy playing with his friends.