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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex Life and Teenagers

153 replies

MadameBee · 07/06/2020 11:18

So maybe TMI, but how are people managing their sex lived during lockdown?

I have an 18 year old who lives here, normally goes and stays with his dad EOW, but his dads marriage broke up just before lockdown and he moved 300 miles away, so DS hasn’t seen him. Has has barely been out of the house. DH is back and forth for nights with work. Sometimes we used to go and stay in a hotel for a night, obviously can’t do that.

DSCs come EOW and have the room directly next to us, so if we do anything when they are here it’s in total silence which is a bit shit.

Last night had one too many and stayed up chatting until 1/2am (only DS here) and DTD and this morning have a shitty text from him sent last night asking us to be quiet. Which I feel terrible about but how on Earth are you supposed to have a sex life right now?

Is anyone else having the same struggle?

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 11:18

Sorry the text was from DS

OP posts:
livefornaps · 07/06/2020 11:20

Did he hear you chatting or having sex?

Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 11:21

The latter I presume Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 11:23

We were chatting in the front room which he probably wouldn’t have heard and had sex in the bedroom but I when he’s here I don’t want to do it in the front room in case he walks in, he wouldn’t just walk into our bedroom which has a lock anyway.

OP posts:
StillCounting123 · 07/06/2020 11:24

Yes! Not teens yet, but our 10 year old stays up reading and walking around house to get a drink, go to loo and ask us questions about books etc.

We do have a lock on our bedroom door, but I can't mentally settle myself fully. Sort of have one ear open just in case.

It's tricky!! I often wonder how couples DTD in other countries where there are several family members all sleeping in one room Shock

Cooper88 · 07/06/2020 11:24

Lol, I would by your DS some earplugs 🤣🤣 TBH it is a normal part of a living relationship, does it suck to overheat yes BUT so much better than hearing arguments.
🤷🤷 I would suggest he could go out for a walk but guessing at 1/2am he wouldn't want to do that.

Fantasmic143 · 07/06/2020 11:25

Feel your pain. 18 and 21 yo here. Definite passion killer. And we have a bolt on the door, too, but it's just weird. Much worse than when they were little. We just take opportunities whenever we can but that's not often at the moment!

Spacepocket · 07/06/2020 11:27

Do you have a bathroom ( preferably with shower? ) a garage with a lock or a garden shed? Or a car which can be parked up in a secluded spot?

Apparently these are all options for alternatives in these scenarios Wink

And as for shitty texts from teenagers, I’d be tackling him about that first thing!

Puffalicious · 07/06/2020 11:28

I have 2 teens and a wee one. We have very regular sex - downstairs when they go to bed/ in their rooms or when we go to bed. With the eldest, 16, he very much knows we have our private time and it's a necessary, essential(in my opinion) part of a loving relationship. If he complained I'd certainly have something to say about it and I wouldn't be the one embarrassed! You have a DS problem- you have the right to your space. Enjoy the sex as long as you're not screaming the place down every night!

IsAnybodyListening · 07/06/2020 11:49

Yes. 15yr ds, and 20yr old dd back from uni. We did the dead once a few weeks ago in complete silence, afterwards I got out of bed and accidentally knocked a lamp onto the floor. DD's bedroom is on the floor under our room, but not directly underneath. She heard the lamp fall, immediately came out of her room, opened the door to our stairs which lead to our bedroom and shouts 'Are you ok?' Just from a bloody lamp falling not very loudly to the floor!

Absolutely no privacy in my own home.

Also, last year on holiday we left them watching a band, and went back to our room saying we would be half an hour, just getting changed etc. Both came back 5 mins later, and tried to open our locked bedroom door. We were butt naked, quickly had to throw clothes on, all the time they were trying the handle and asking why we locked our own door. That actually really pissed me off considering we are their parents, and considering their ages.

Upshot. Our sex life is currently shit.

OnTheRollercoasterCalledLife · 07/06/2020 12:01

I have quite strong views on this but it probably just from past bad experiences. I have heard my mother loudly having sex, walked in on her having sex twice and when I said I heard it her reaction was to say so it's only sex. I absolutely hated it and it has affected my life as a mother myself.

I don't think you should challenge your son on sending a shitty text. He was probably feeling extreamly uncomfortable hearing his parents having sex. How would you feel if you heard him having sex? Yes it is a natural part of a relationship but I don't think other people need to hear it.

Personally I don't know how you could enjoy sex if you thought your teenagers were awake or that they could hear it.

Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 12:04

My elder son used to live here with his girlfriend and I heard them having sex and it didn’t bother me at all.

DH is not his parent.

Hmm not sure what I would say about shitty text.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 12:05

@OnTheRollercoasterCalledLife

So your solution is no sex?

OP posts:
SteveTheSpiderPlantKiller · 07/06/2020 12:06

Early morning is a life saver. My teens are pretty nocturnal so tend to be fast asleep at 6 or 7am.

Still no swinging from the chandeliers but better than nothing.

Or put on a film with lots of shooting scenes or something and you can relax a little knowing they won't hear the bed springs .

crimsonlake · 07/06/2020 12:07

There was a thread on here lately where the op posted about her teenage child being able tohear her have sex...she was slaughtered.
Replies seem at opposite ends of the scale here.
No idea what the solution is, but it must have been painful for your son to hear you having drunken sex which was probably loud.

OnTheRollercoasterCalledLife · 07/06/2020 12:07

No, do it quietly. Surely you've learnt the art of quiet sex.

crimsonlake · 07/06/2020 12:09

You heard your son having sex with his girlfriend and it did not bother you??
Hardly the same thing is it??
Children simply do not like to imagine their parent's have a sex life ever, you do know that do you??

Lula11 · 07/06/2020 12:11

I can never fully understand these posts, although yours seem more respectful of your dc OP.
Our bedroom is next to our DC, you just be quieter than if they are not in the house. It doesn’t have to be loud sex all the time.
Not your post OP, but I’ve seen loads of posters in the past who seem to want their kids to hear them, it’s really grim. I don’t want to forced to hear someone else’s moans and groans, I assume kids are the same.

Elouera · 07/06/2020 12:12

If you'd had a few drinks, maybe you were noisier than you though? Just because the noise of sex doesn't bother you, doesn't mean everyone would be the same! I'd cringe if I heard my mother with her partner!

Maybe spare a thought for your DS. Presumably he hasn't been able to have ANY sex with anyone else at the moment and is stuck living with you 2 that can!

Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 12:13

No it doesn’t bother me that my son was in a loving long term relationship with a lovely girl.

I didn’t sit and listen but I am glad I taught him that sex is part of a loving so wine and something to be enjoyed.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 12:13

*someone not so wine Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 12:14

I was replying to @OnTheRollercoasterCalledLife when I said I wasn’t bothered by hearing my son.

Of course I understand my son would be bothered hearing me!

OP posts:
OnTheRollercoasterCalledLife · 07/06/2020 12:16

This reply has been deleted

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Bagelsandbrie · 07/06/2020 12:16

We’ve had sex once (downstairs) during the whole lockdown for this reason. I can’t relax at all when dd aged 17 is home. She’s normally out a lot!

4amWitchingHour · 07/06/2020 12:16

@crimsonlake - why is it any different? I would have thought it's much harder to hear your kids have sex than for them to hear their parents.

Kids might not like it, but as older teenagers is hearing normal sex really going to scar them? I agree that it's best to keep the noise down to respect everyone's boundaries, but it's really not a big deal. When I was 17 we heard my boyfriends parents have sex - we found it hilarious. I imagine they heard us too, although bless them they never said anything. They were generally comfortable with nudity as a family though, unusual in the UK where everyone is still so uptight about sex

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