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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sex Life and Teenagers

153 replies

MadameBee · 07/06/2020 11:18

So maybe TMI, but how are people managing their sex lived during lockdown?

I have an 18 year old who lives here, normally goes and stays with his dad EOW, but his dads marriage broke up just before lockdown and he moved 300 miles away, so DS hasn’t seen him. Has has barely been out of the house. DH is back and forth for nights with work. Sometimes we used to go and stay in a hotel for a night, obviously can’t do that.

DSCs come EOW and have the room directly next to us, so if we do anything when they are here it’s in total silence which is a bit shit.

Last night had one too many and stayed up chatting until 1/2am (only DS here) and DTD and this morning have a shitty text from him sent last night asking us to be quiet. Which I feel terrible about but how on Earth are you supposed to have a sex life right now?

Is anyone else having the same struggle?

OP posts:
Thelittleweasel · 07/06/2020 18:24

If using the bed you can at least make sure that it does not bang on the wall [before fixing it we stuffed a pillow behind the headboard] and make sure that all the joints are tight so no squeaking or rattling!

There is a happy medium. We were in a hotel in Germany some years ago with a couple who were enjoying themselves [very noisily] down the corridor - on and off!. When it was over another room's occupant went into corridor and applauded. At breakfast the whole room applauded [though I made that bit up

@MadameBee

TweetUsOnFacebook · 07/06/2020 18:36

We put a tv in our room precisely for this reason! We go to bed at night to 'watch tv' and try to find a loud film with lots of shouting and shooting.
Youngest dd is a young teen and I make sure she's got everything she needs and tell her we're watching a scary film so to knock loudly on the door if she needs anything as we don't want her seeing anything scary Grin

Mallysmomma · 07/06/2020 18:38

I’d say put some music on and go for it. That way you Ds shouldn’t be able to hear any vocal noises and if he does it will be muted down. I agree that sex is a big part of a relationship and I just drown out any yelling noises with the tv or music. X

Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 18:38

We do operate a knock and wait policy as various children have walked in on us (and we have a lock) and we have a TV in the bedroom but obviously didn’t have it on at 2am.

OP posts:
MrsNoah2020 · 07/06/2020 18:43

at uni i lived in a house of 7.I very rarely heard my housemates shagging. And we all managed to have quite a bit of it! Its obviously not that difficult to have quiet sex if a whole house of basically drunk young adults managed to do it for 4 years. You just have to be a bit careful

Same. Stick some music or the TV on. If you have older DC, they will probably guess what you're up to, but that's totally different from them having to hear you actually shagging.

CoronaIsShit · 07/06/2020 19:03

Crispy, DH works 4 days on (12+ hour days) including weekends, 3 days off. I’ve been a SAHM since DC4 started school so we normally have at least one weekday where all DC are out from at least 9-3 with a break for a quick lunch at the pub down the road! Longer days if after school activities. Have to be creative in arranging for the ones still in education to be out at the same time in school hols. Now DC4 is older, I’ll get the middle two to take him to the cinema or swimming. Makes DH’s anti social hours job just a bit bearable Grin or we’d never have a chance to have a sex life now all the DC are older.

Prayingforchange · 07/06/2020 19:14

He's 18 not 12. Not ideal but you can't never have sex because you've got your DS in the house.

I would either make a joke of it and apologise or tell him he needs to be going out every now and again. It's your house and he's not a child. As long as your not having orgies in the kitchen and at least attempting to be quiet I think he will need to get over it.

Susanna85 · 07/06/2020 19:51

Well if it was 1/2am no it wouldn't be reasonable to have telly or music on loud. Or expect someone to put headphones on in the middle of the night.

Same here with the uni housemate situation. Lived with 5 friends, all had partners. Never heard anyone at it although did occasionally find the evidence 🤢

Sevenh8 · 07/06/2020 19:55

I saved hard to help mine move out ASAP! Kids stay forever nowadays. Must be a right pain in the arse.

crispysausagerolls · 07/06/2020 19:57

@CoronaIsShit

Damn - fair play to you! Enjoy 😊

runninguphills · 07/06/2020 20:03

It's a struggle - especially in lockdown as they seem to go to bed after us!

We last had rushed sex in the detached garage Blush

GemmeFatale · 07/06/2020 21:21

This all seems very repressed.

My parents had sex. I know cos I’m here and so is my sibling. My mum died and dad remarried and I bloody hope it’s a loving marriage that includes a decent sex life.

He’s aware that I’ve had sex, my sibling has and his wife’s kids have. There’s a whole pile of grandkids to evidence it. And I assume they will go on to have relationships that include sex too.

Ok. If you’re screaming the place down maybe think about toning that down but normal, run of the mill sex noise is, well, normal.

lightsaver · 07/06/2020 21:29

This all seems very repressed.

My parents had sex. I know cos I’m here and so is my sibling. My mum died and dad remarried and I bloody hope it’s a loving marriage that includes a decent sex life.

He’s aware that I’ve had sex, my sibling has and his wife’s kids have. There’s a whole pile of grandkids to evidence it. And I assume they will go on to have relationships that include sex too.

This isn't about knowing parents have sex though, it's about hearing them do it.

rayoflightboy · 07/06/2020 21:35

@lightsaver i would agree somewhat.Its not like the op is having orgies and swinging from the chandellier.
Her ds has to realise his parents have sex.
And sometimes sex is noisy.

I have kids at home and you do have to be quiet,but sometimes you make noise.You cant help it.

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 08/06/2020 00:31

Theres a difference between knowing someone has sex though and actively hearing them

Its not repressed to not want to hear your parents (or grandparents/friends/cousins whatever) having sex.

It almost feels voyueristic to continue having sex at the same volume when you know your child can hear and theyve said it makes them uncomfortable.

You dont have the right to involve others in your sex life. Just keep the fucking noise down. Especially at 2/3am

TOADfan · 08/06/2020 01:09

I wonder how anyone can make noise having sex. I find (not on purpose) I hold my breath during sex. I have always had quiet sex even now in a house just me and DH.

curtainsforme · 08/06/2020 01:20

I wonder how anyone can make noise having sex. I find (not on purpose) I hold my breath during sex.

You can't be doing it for very long Grin

inchoccyheaven · 08/06/2020 02:25

My ds almost 18 doesn't leave the house ever due to mental health issues and hasn't done in the last 4 years and can be awake until 5am so there is no way we can avoid having sex with him in the house.
We put the radio on and try to be quiet but don't always succeed. It's not ideal and he has said he has heard us before but isn't bothered.
He does have headphones but i think the fact our room is above his doesn't help as sound seems to travel downwards.

SimplySteveRedux · 08/06/2020 02:49

We thought we were being quiet while DS was growing up through his teenage years only for our coital bliss to be interrupted by him taunting us (and loud enough for the neighbours to hear) with "I can hear you shagging" and he'd rename the wifi on the router to things like " Mum wants MORE, MORE, MORE!" Grin I kinda miss those days, but sex is far more enjoyable now he's living in a different country!

BubblyBarbara · 08/06/2020 02:49

We had this problem when the DDs lived at home many years ago and we found the solution to be to go into DHs shed. It wasn’t the warmest but we soon warmed up.

SimplySteveRedux · 08/06/2020 02:50

And your DS is 18. He can stick some headphones on/earphones in.

SimplySteveRedux · 08/06/2020 03:05

My mother drilled into me that missionary was the only sexual position, that sex was a chore that comes with marriage/a long relationship and that it isn't something to be enjoyed or to make noise about.

My sex life with DP is varied, we use lots of toys, enjoyment is top of the list and who give a fuck if we make noise!

Antipodeancousin · 08/06/2020 03:11

Gross. Good on your son for calling you out for it!
Of course sex is a normal part of a relationship but it would make any adult uncomfortable to hear their parent going at it. You were drunk and noisy. I have lived in plenty of share houses where I never heard my housemate have sex even though I knew it was happening.

AllNaturalIngredients · 08/06/2020 03:33

Music and / or TV on. Make sure bed isn’t banging into wall, if spring too noisy try on the floor ?

NowImLivinInExeter · 08/06/2020 07:27

I love that people are saying you are repressed if you are grossed out by hearing your parents have sex 🤣

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