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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex Life and Teenagers

153 replies

MadameBee · 07/06/2020 11:18

So maybe TMI, but how are people managing their sex lived during lockdown?

I have an 18 year old who lives here, normally goes and stays with his dad EOW, but his dads marriage broke up just before lockdown and he moved 300 miles away, so DS hasn’t seen him. Has has barely been out of the house. DH is back and forth for nights with work. Sometimes we used to go and stay in a hotel for a night, obviously can’t do that.

DSCs come EOW and have the room directly next to us, so if we do anything when they are here it’s in total silence which is a bit shit.

Last night had one too many and stayed up chatting until 1/2am (only DS here) and DTD and this morning have a shitty text from him sent last night asking us to be quiet. Which I feel terrible about but how on Earth are you supposed to have a sex life right now?

Is anyone else having the same struggle?

OP posts:
curtainsforme · 07/06/2020 12:17

Well I mean you just have to be considerate and aware. We haven't had sex for weeks because we haven't had the chance, but it's not an issue. We can wait.

OddBoots · 07/06/2020 12:19

I agree with those saying the morning.

Otherwise maybe build a summerhouse...

Atalune · 07/06/2020 12:19

Radio on soft

Make sure bed/sofa whatever doesn’t bang against the wall

Have sex but perhaps a less vocal variation? Grin

I mean how loud are you? Is it a when Harry met sally type affair??

SerenDippitty · 07/06/2020 12:20

Children simply do not like to imagine their parent's have a sex life ever, you do know that do you??

Young people do not like the idea of older people having sex full stop.

Stuckforlong · 07/06/2020 12:20

I normally wait till my teenager goes out which hasn't happened since Covid,

Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 12:21

I dunno probably louder than usual as was drunk to be honest but no not when Harry met Sally Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 12:22

I think it is a very important part of a relationship tbh.

OP posts:
curtainsforme · 07/06/2020 12:26

Kids might not like it, but as older teenagers is hearing normal sex really going to scar them?

It doesn't have to be something g that will 'scar' them to be something you should avoid though. I don't think my teens would be scarred by hearing their dad and I having sex. It's still not a nice thing to subject them to and it is entirely avoidable. So maybe think about comfort now rather then future scarring.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 07/06/2020 12:27

Teenagers aged 19 and 14 here and until they were 17 and 11 we lived in a very small cottage. Our bedrooms didn’t share a wall with either of theirs but tbh we just mastered the art of doing it very quietly. As a consequence, I think I’m always a bit quiet now. I don’t think I would make that much noise even if we were in the middle of nowhere because it would feel weird and performative, but it’s been a small price to pay for a decent sex life throughout our marriage.

blosstree · 07/06/2020 12:29

Tbh OP if you were both a bit drunk, paired with the text from your son, then you were probably louder than you thought you were. Which I think is inappropriate.

I don't think there's an issue with doing it quietly when your son is in the house, but I think you have to consider that on this occasion you were not quiet.

I would be bloody horrified to think that anyone had heard me being loud to be honest.

mynameiscalypso · 07/06/2020 12:32

I also think that it's a bit shitty to be so loud at 2am. I know teenagers have a reputation for being nocturnal but I have always quite liked an early night and would be pissed off to be woken up by drunk chatting and noisy sex whoever was doing it!

curtainsforme · 07/06/2020 12:37

I think it is a very important part of a relationship tbh.

I don't think anyone is saying otherwise.

You have to work out what is more important to you. Your son or a shag? That is what it boils down to. If your relationship can't survive without sex or very quiet not worth the effort sometimes sex then you have other issues to address.

curtainsforme · 07/06/2020 12:38

*that should read without sex TEMPORARILY. I'm not suggesting anyone quits sex indefinitely Grin

Beenaboutabit · 07/06/2020 12:41

You can talk to a load of strangers on MN about this but not DS?

Talk to DS.

Not sure what all the fuss is about.

Parents and grandparents have sex - it's a natural part of many relationships.

You definitely don't want to be caught in flagrante but surely DS can ignore a bit of noise now and again.

Mojitomogul · 07/06/2020 12:44

It makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable staying at my partners cause his dad and girlfriend stay up late, drink loads and then you can hear them till 2am. Its perverse and feels like they're doing it on purpose like it's a show. It puts me off staying round. Me and my bf are really respectful and put the duvet on the floor so no noisy bed springs and just do it really quietly. It would make me feel sick if someone could hear us. I dont know how people can enjoy it knowing they can be heard. Everyone knows couples do it, but no one needs to hear it.

Spacepocket · 07/06/2020 12:45

@OnTheRollercoasterCalledLife whilst I appreciate that your experiences have affected you significantly am I right to assume that they were not the only issues that you had with the way that you were parented?
I think what you have insinuated with your comment about ‘enjoyment’ is totally out of order and I think it’s one of the times when I have no problem in suggesting that you step away from the thread.

Original poster
MadameBee · 07/06/2020 12:48

We did not want to be overheard Hmm

That said I think there are some fairly anal attitudes on this thread.

It is part of life and nothing to feel ashamed about.

OP posts:
yearinyearout · 07/06/2020 12:48

We are in the same boat. Got adult dd staying for lockdown who doesn't seem to think anyone over 30 should have a sex life. She's in the next room too and stays up late, hoping she goes back to work soon!

SuperficialSuzie · 07/06/2020 12:48

@Beenaboutabit

You can talk to a load of strangers on MN about this but not DS?

Talk to DS.

Not sure what all the fuss is about.

Parents and grandparents have sex - it's a natural part of many relationships.

You definitely don't want to be caught in flagrante but surely DS can ignore a bit of noise now and again.

God almighty if I talked to my (22yo) DS about having sex then he would leave home
TitsalinaBumSquash · 07/06/2020 12:50

I think the respectful thing to do is apologise to DS for being nosy, it something matter what you were doing to be noisy tbh, anything loud enough to keep him awake at 2am is out of order, you don't need to mention the sex just a simple, "sorry DS, we dint mean to keep you up last night."

As for sex, just be quiet, it doesn't have to mean awful sex, whisper your thoughts in you DH's ear ffs! Experiment in ways to find enjoy,ent and pleasure that don't involve you moaning and groaning out loud. Surely that's just respectful to whosever else is in your house? 🙄

Seaweed42 · 07/06/2020 12:50

@Spacepocket interesting position you take up in telling people they can 'step away' from a thread.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 07/06/2020 12:52

There was so many typos in that message, hopefully you got the gist. I'm shattered (not from loud sex either)

OnTheRollercoasterCalledLife · 07/06/2020 12:55

@Spacepocket

I got annoyed with the OP because despite her saying she felt terrible she clearly thinks that it's ok when it's not. If her son wasn't bothered about it then fine but he sent her a shitty text presumably because he felt uncomfortable. The correct thing to do would be to ensure he doesn't hear again.

There are ways to have silent sex you know! I bet lots of children/teenagers accidently hear their parents from time to time despite their parents best efforts but it's the parents responsibility to ensure that it doesn't become a thing.

Juliet2014 · 07/06/2020 12:55

I’m afraid that it’s just the situation that we are currently in.
The good news is that easing so shouldn’t be too long before your DS May be out a bit more.

In meantime though - I would be inclined to prioritise my DS not being bothered by my sex noises when it is already a shit situation for him

dottiedodah · 07/06/2020 12:59

Obviously Sex is part of life .However ATM everyone is out of routine as it were .Maybe be a little more respectful of your DS ,( Hes probably pissed off that his DM is getting some action and not him!) Once lockdown is over ,maybe he could still see his DF some of the weekends.Does DS go out for daily exercise during the weekend at all maybe take your chance then!

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