Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Sex Life and Teenagers

153 replies

MadameBee · 07/06/2020 11:18

So maybe TMI, but how are people managing their sex lived during lockdown?

I have an 18 year old who lives here, normally goes and stays with his dad EOW, but his dads marriage broke up just before lockdown and he moved 300 miles away, so DS hasn’t seen him. Has has barely been out of the house. DH is back and forth for nights with work. Sometimes we used to go and stay in a hotel for a night, obviously can’t do that.

DSCs come EOW and have the room directly next to us, so if we do anything when they are here it’s in total silence which is a bit shit.

Last night had one too many and stayed up chatting until 1/2am (only DS here) and DTD and this morning have a shitty text from him sent last night asking us to be quiet. Which I feel terrible about but how on Earth are you supposed to have a sex life right now?

Is anyone else having the same struggle?

OP posts:

daisyjgrey · 07/06/2020 13:56

Surely it's not possible to have totally silent sex? Even if you were able/happy to not make a peep (which must be odd in itself), just the physicality of moving makes a noise? Or am I doing it wrong...

Original poster

MadameBee · 07/06/2020 14:08

DH is allowed to travel for work during the Pandemic, me travelling to him would probably be breaking the rules tbh.

OP posts:

DarkDarkNight · 07/06/2020 14:09

There’s a whole range between loud screaming and moaning and totally silent sex. Surely you can have quiet sex without being silent?

It’s not that hard to restrain yourself. If the bed is noisy move it a bit or change position. Put the tv/music on so there’s some background noise. Your son needs to realise you’re entitled to have sex in your own house but I feel a bit sorry for him too. It’s grim to hear your parents having sex.

Anothernick · 07/06/2020 14:17

Well, I can't imagine waiting until the house is empty before we have sex. Surely anyone who has children would have learned how to do it quietly? TMI perhaps but we sometimes used to do it silently under the covers when ours were babies and asleep in the same hotel room when we were on holiday.

We are not particularly noisy but I guess the kids must have heard us in later years i am sure they guessed what we were up to if the bedroom door was closed during the day. Now they are both grown up and have partners of their own I've heard them sometimes but so what, sex is a normal part of a loving relationship. Nothing to be ashamed of.

InFiveMins · 07/06/2020 14:17

YABU. Your children at any age shouldn't be able to hear you having sex

CheshireDing · 07/06/2020 14:21

Gosh nobody wants to hear their Parents having sex as other posters have said, it’s grim.

Personally I love noisy sex, not screaming loud but could DEFINITELY be heard in another room 🤷‍♀️😀 makes me even more into it.

We have 3 DC and eldest would be waking up and coming over if we weren’t quiet.

Need to wait til they are all at school in September at the soonest for any guaranteed privacy.

For now we have to be really quiet, it is what it is, better than no sex.

OP you will just have to muffle yourself next time 😂

C0RA · 07/06/2020 14:25

I’m obviously in a tiny minority here. Because I think the Ops son was out of order.

He should have put on earphones, watched a film, pretended it wasn’t happening and never referred to it.

Just like we parents all do about our adult children having sex.

I can believe the Puritanical attitudes on here.

BreakingTheChain · 07/06/2020 14:27

in total silence which is a bit shit.

I'd wager it's more shit for your son to have to listen to his mum and step-dad having orgasms, than it is for you to have sex quietly..

BreakingTheChain · 07/06/2020 14:28

I can believe the Puritanical attitudes on here.

Is it puritanical to believe there's simply no need to inflict your sex life on your children?

Pebblexox · 07/06/2020 14:29

Sex is completely normal. You just have to adapt to the current situation you're given.
Try and be quieter. Could it also be your son heard you talking rather than the actual act? If it was the sex and he's texting you complaining you need to have a conversation with him. He could have put headphones in, noise blockers etc. It shouldn't be a taboo subject that mum and dad have sex. How did he think he came to be on the planet?

GoddamnGodBless · 07/06/2020 14:29

Boundaries are a thing, and the OP's son is stating his, as he should.

crispysausagerolls · 07/06/2020 14:35

This is completely and utterly bloody inappropriate. Seriously. I was subjected to this constantly as a child. I begged my mother to stop and she ignored me constantly. It’s traumatic and shit.

The concept of two adults having consenting sex is fine. Having to listen to it is not.

There is no excuse to be so loud that he can hear it. If for some reason you can’t do it quietly (and I think that’s nonsense - everyone can do it quietly), then don’t do it while he’s there.

Original poster

MadameBee · 07/06/2020 14:39

My post isn’t defending him hearing I am just generally commenting on how crap the situation is at the moment for everyone.

As an aside, my son is not a “child” he is an adult about to go to Uni with a girlfriend and I assume has a sex life.

OP posts:

BreakingTheChain · 07/06/2020 14:45

Did your parents ever have noisy sex with you in the house OP?

NowImLivinInExeter · 07/06/2020 14:50

It is absolutely beyond cringe to hear your parents having sex. Just be quiet.

Brutalhonestybrigade · 07/06/2020 14:52

If he was a younger teen and this was a normal situation, but we're in a global pandemic and the man's 18 years old. OP, I've heard my parents having sex both as a child and as an adult, and whilst it's not my favourite thing, I am not traumatised. I'm in fact slightly happy that my parents still love each other enough after all these years to still want to have sex with eachother, I would be a heck of lot more traumatised by hearing fighting or a messy divorce.

Obviously you are not trying to make your son hear you. He's 18 though, he can surely get some headphones or just he could have brought it up in a less shitty manner. It's not as though you were screaming the house down or being loud on purpose.

Healthyandhappy · 07/06/2020 14:56

I'd say we have sex simple like it or lymp it less u want us divorved

Susanna85 · 07/06/2020 14:58

Oh gosh I think back to being a teenager, my room was right next to my parents room and I was always worried I was overhearing them have sex 😂. If ever there was a knocking noise or anything (even a clinking pipe) i'd feel SO uncomfortably. Silly isn't it, but teenagers are awkward beings

YANBU to have sex in the house with DC there but also he's not being U be creeped out by it! Perhaps you were making more noise than you thought.

SingaporeSlinky · 07/06/2020 14:59

I regularly heard my parents as a child and it was grim, as others have said. The worst was being in a caravan on holiday, so I could hear it louder, and feel the whole caravan shake, it was traumatic and I used to dread bedtime, and try to get to sleep as quickly as I could before it started. Horrible.
Of course it’s a normal part of an adult relationship, but it’s just wrong to make your children listen to it, no matter their age.

Apple1029 · 07/06/2020 15:03

Its grim and for him to actually text you, you should be embarrassed even if you dont think so. If you were in your bedroom, then unless you have paper thin walls you must have been shouting loudly. I dont understand how he could have heard you otherwise.
You really dont get that your son doesnt want to hear his mother moaning?

NudgeUnit · 07/06/2020 15:06

It's grim having to listen to anyone having sex, tbh, regardless of the ages of all concerned or the nature of the relationships. I agree things are difficult atm, especially for those with households that are fuller than usual or who have older children home from uni or whatever, but however important a part of your relationship sex is, surely it doesn't trump the basic courtesy of not making those you share your home with hideously uncomfortable? It's not like you can't still have sex quietly, and it's not forever ffs.

Rosebel · 07/06/2020 15:15

Surely your son has,ear phones or a game console. If he was that bothered he could have put one of them on. I don't see,why you should have to creep round your own house but if you are worried what about morning sex while your son is asleep?

Kittykat93 · 07/06/2020 15:15

Just be quiet. No need to be moaning loudly at all. I would have hated to hear my parents having sex even though it's totally natural. I once walked in the kitchen and they were full on snogging and that scarred me enough thanks!!

I'd apologise to your son for waking him, and make sure it doesn't happen again.

raspberryk · 07/06/2020 15:17

I don't understand how anyone manages to have sex if most people are saying you have to wait for teens to be out of the house, that would be so very rare even without the pandemic.
What is the age cut off point of when you have to stop having sex in case you're heard?
Sex is normal, how is it traumatising to overhear the odd noise? Obviously porn star style is a bit OTT. I accidentally saw my parents having sex once (they were covered), they were probably more traumatised than me to be honest. I couldn't care less.

Original poster

MadameBee · 07/06/2020 15:21

I haven’t said that I don’t get why he was upset .... ?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread