Sex Life and Teenagers

[MadameBee]

So maybe TMI, but how are people managing their sex lived during lockdown?

I have an 18 year old who lives here, normally goes and stays with his dad EOW, but his dads marriage broke up just before lockdown and he moved 300 miles away, so DS hasn’t seen him. Has has barely been out of the house. DH is back and forth for nights with work. Sometimes we used to go and stay in a hotel for a night, obviously can’t do that.

DSCs come EOW and have the room directly next to us, so if we do anything when they are here it’s in total silence which is a bit shit.

Last night had one too many and stayed up chatting until 1/2am (only DS here) and DTD and this morning have a shitty text from him sent last night asking us to be quiet. Which I feel terrible about but how on Earth are you supposed to have a sex life right now?

Is anyone else having the same struggle?

Then presumably you've offered him a genuine apology and assured him there won't be a repeat performance?

@SingaporeSlinky I did the exact same thing as a child and it is awful and invasive to hear.
However, I don’t think having kids in the house means you should never do it - it’s just not sustainable. But just ensure that you are aware of noise levels and make sure they’re minimum, because I felt so upset and uncomfortable having to hear my mother.

OP I haven't read whole tread, but most. Just text sorry for last night and leave it at that. If he just heard you talk, you are apologising for that; if he heard the deed, he will think you are apologising for that.
As for advice....there really isn't anything that trying to be quiet really. Unless you're into gags? 😉

Christ I don't want to hear anyone having sex. I don't want DCs to hear us either so we're just quiet at the moment, it's not much of a hardship to just keep it down for a few months. Yes its normal blah blah blah but so is going for a shit but I don't want to hear anyone doing it.

@C0RA

I’m obviously in a tiny minority here. Because I think the Ops son was out of order.

He should have put on earphones, watched a film, pretended it wasn’t happening and never referred to it.

Just like we parents all do about our adult children having sex.

I can believe the Puritanical attitudes on here.

I agree. The DS is an adult. He is also the child of the OP, not the parent and I think he was rude. OP said she does keep it down, clearly he was still awake and heard something. He could have put headphones on instead.

It's ridiculous to expect adults in a loving relationship to have their sex lives completely dictated by older children in the house! Especially when they are adults. They suck it up or move out (as long as the couple aren't being deliberately loud etc).

And all the posters comparing it to their parents, who were loud and consistently being subjected to it as younger children, it's hardly the same thing as what happened with the OP so stop projecting your own experiences which are not comparable.

I regularly heard my mum, throughout my childhood and as an adult. Regardless of age, it's not nice to hear.

It's not grim. It's normal.
And how people manage to have silent sex I'd like to know.
Is your ds not the type to plug his headphones in for a good part of the day? Choose that time.
Failing that, as a pp said, the car, the shed. Get creative.

There a whole world of difference between being aware of the noise you're making and keeping it low key and being silent like you're a mime at a show.

I find the mornings, any time until around lunchtime, they are likely to be asleep and you won’t be disturbed.

Apologise to him? What for? For being in a loving relationship? For doing something natural?
No way would I do that. He could have used headphones. He didn't have to listen.

Wtf even is this thread? Surely it's basic respect for other people to keep the noise down no matter what you're doing?

Rose, I was just suggesting, not telling her of, in case she feels like she should say smth. Like a breezy 'sorry for last night', that's it. From where I'm standing he was being cheeky if referring to the sex, or he is referring to them talking lodly, in which case her not saying anything would seem weird. I really think its no big deal if he heard them doing the deed, sex is normal, healthy, and sometimes noisy.

Waking anyone up in the early hours of the morning for anything other than an emergency requires an apology, it's basic common decency!

No one has said she should offer a grovelling apology for having a sex life but some sort is necessary for the noise alone, the DS hasn't even said it was the sex he heard, OP or her DH could have been talking loudly, laughing loudly, banging around on their way upstairs etc, if they'd been drinking inhibitions would be lowered.

I think if anyone messages you and says 'I heard you having sex and it made me uncomfortable' then you apologise.

Sex maybe natural but that doesnt mean its okay to inflict your sex life on others. You shouldnt inflict any sex act onto others that makes them uncomfortable, even if that just includes hearing you.

You can sure as hell bet if OP walked in to the toilet and there was a shit in there she wouldnt be all 'shitting is just a part of life, its natural to shit'.

Having a wank is natural but its not okay to leave a dirty tissue on the side. Hey if sex is natural why bother closing the door in the first place? Lets all just shag in public! Whilst sex is natural and a part of life, your sex life shouldnt be a part of everyone elses life.

Just have sex quietly, have it in the morning. Have it on the floor, have it in the car. Whatever. Its really not that hard. Be a bit respectful of the people you live with.

@Rosebel

* Apologise to him? What for? For being in a loving relationship? For doing something natural?*

Putting aside fact that it was his mum and not has dad going at it, it was 2am in the morning.

@beingKindIsFree

I heard my parents once or twice. It was horrible. I got this cold feeling of dread when I heard it. And after that Id lie in bed and if I even heard the bed squeak id get worried.

My parents werent doing anything wrong. They didnt know Id heard them, in a way I wish I had been more confident and been able to say to them. 'I heard you having sex last night and it made me feel really uncomfortable'

@MiddlesexGirl at uni i lived in a house of 7.

I very rarely heard my housemates shagging. And we all managed to have quite a bit of it!

Its obviously not that difficult to have quiet sex if a whole house of basically drunk young adults managed to do it for 4 years. You just have to be a bit careful.

I think its irrelevent really if your happy to hear your parents shagging. Ops DS isnt, and therefore OP shouldnt inflict it on him.

Apologise to him? What for?

For the noise; I would have thought that was obvious.

For being in a loving relationship?

No, nobody is saying OP should apologise for being in a relationship. Where in earth are you drawing that from?

For doing something natural?

Sex is natural yes. It isn't something we need others to hear.

No way would I do that. He could have used headphones.

He didn't have to listen.

I don't know about you but until you hear an unwanted sound you don't have the choice.

Unless OP was to knock in his door and announce she was away to have sex he would not have known about it until he heard it.

Maybe at that point he did use headphones, but until he heard the noise he would not have been aware he needed to.

We have the same problem and it’s driving me nuts! 4 DC, 3 of which are young adults and a 9 year old. The youngest wakes up at the crack of dawn despite being up until past midnight ATM and the other three are up until 2/3 am, then not sure if still awake on devices in their rooms, so we can’t even get away with it in the morning unless it’s a 2 minute quickie which I don’t really get much out of ! House has such thin walls, you can hear someone farting upstairs while downstairs and two of the DCs bedrooms walls are connected to ours.

Before lockdown, we’d have at least a day or two in the week when we’d have rampant all day sessions now when we do it we can’t make a sound. I’m even conscious of the bed making noise when we adjust position! I’ve said to DH about going in the (detached) garage but don’t really want an audience of spiders or to find one crawling somewhere, DC would probably come out to see what we’re doing anyway! We did try going out in the car once but I was terrified the police would pull up alongside us and we’d get done for lewd behaviour or something.

I am so looking to forward to schools/ colleges going back and DD going back to work for this very reason. Fantasising about it in fact .

@CoronaIsShit

I can’t face the car, I am in my 40s 🤣

I’m late 40’s Madam and had never done it in a car before but we were desperate!. Took us 10 times longer to find somewhere that looked safe to stop at than the actual act! Not to be repeated. Not much fun when constantly on alert for a face appearing in the windows and the aches from awkward positioning for a few days afterwards! Quite jealous of people with camper vans .

Actually if DC were older and we could leave him alone in the house fir a lil bit, I could quite fancy trying the car. Never ticked that one, tried once with a previous partner, but it was such a tiny car 😁

Before lockdown, we’d have at least a day or two in the week when we’d have rampant all day sessions

How the hell does this work with a 9 year old and jobs?

CoronaIsShit, rampant all day sessions? Gel. Also, no wonder you have for 4 DC 😄