Sex Life and Teenagers

[MadameBee]

So maybe TMI, but how are people managing their sex lived during lockdown?

I have an 18 year old who lives here, normally goes and stays with his dad EOW, but his dads marriage broke up just before lockdown and he moved 300 miles away, so DS hasn’t seen him. Has has barely been out of the house. DH is back and forth for nights with work. Sometimes we used to go and stay in a hotel for a night, obviously can’t do that.

DSCs come EOW and have the room directly next to us, so if we do anything when they are here it’s in total silence which is a bit shit.

Last night had one too many and stayed up chatting until 1/2am (only DS here) and DTD and this morning have a shitty text from him sent last night asking us to be quiet. Which I feel terrible about but how on Earth are you supposed to have a sex life right now?

Is anyone else having the same struggle?

@OnTheRollercoasterCalledLife I appreciate that and I actually agree with most of your sentiments. But to suggest that the OP enjoyed the fact that her son could hear her is unfair.

*That said I think there are some fairly anal attitudes on this thread.
**
*I think you mean respectful, not anal.

It is part of life and nothing to feel ashamed about.

Nobody is suggesting you need to be ashamed.

‘God almighty if I talked to my (22yo) DS about having sex then he would leave home’

I’m keeping that as a back up plan if DD doesn’t decide to move out soon 😉

So just don't be overheard. You say there's a lock on your door, so have as much silent sex as you like. Put a TV/radio in your room and have the sound on low to disguise bedsprings.

It’s difficult to take an opportunity if DS goes out for a walk as DH lives elsewhere most of the time.

I think it's traumatising to hear your parents having sex no matter what your age. Can't you do it quietly for the time being?

Could you try a gag? ( runs for cover!)

You can talk to a load of strangers on MN about this but not DS?

I think most people would rather get anonymous advice from people who’ll forget about it by tomorrow rather than having an incredibly cringey conversation with their son, who’ll probably remember it forever.

It is part of life and nothing to feel ashamed about

No one you should be ashamed! Doing a poo is also part of life, but I also wouldn't expect to hear my mum or step-dad doing that either!

If your DH lives somewhere else, can't you go there?

DH lives elsewhere most of the time.

Um, global pandemic?

We tend to have a mid day nap and lock the door.

‘God almighty if I talked to my (22yo) DS about having sex then he would leave home’

Finally a way to get 25 year old ds to move out

Only time we can do it is early morning.

Wont be for long op though.

Sorry OP, as much as some parents don't want to consider it, overhearing your parents having sex can be traumatising many children. There are lots of threads on MN about it. Just because it's natural, does not mean it should be made public.

Children simply do not like to imagine their parent's have a sex life ever, you do know that do you??
And yet sex is an important part of life so they have to learn how to live with it, no?

Apologise for the noise and do it more quietly next time.

Your poor son! That must have been so uncomfortable to have to listen to. Try being more considerate

OK, full candour: we are managing it by simply not having a sex life. Our place is quite small, and now the teens are up at all hours we are having to have a hiatus. We've been married for donkey's years so it's not that hard to not have sex but it definitely is sad.

I had actually thought about starting a similar thread because it's doing my head in. There is simply always a teenager in the house who needs study space or social time (online) or who wants to talk to us. We can't turf them out and we can't give them sleeping tablets so we are taking the hit, or not....

It may be a typical part of life but hideous for a teenager to have to hear. I’m sure they feel the need to wash their ears and brains with bleach.

There is no way in hell I would have sex while my kids (teens and young adults) are in the house. No way in hell. The only exception would be quietly early in the morning as not even an earthquake complete with brass band would wake my tribe in the morning. Left to their own devices and with no uni or school commitments they will stay up till early morning and sleep soundly for half the day.

That means you do it when they are out of the house. If you have numerous kids coming and going, that means very rarely.

Letting your children overhear is absolutely grim - NOT envy.

I am all for having a good and regular sex life, but children absolutely should not be subjected to any evidence thereof. Ever.

Leave headphones at his bedroom door prior to next time. Problem solved.

I don't understand why you can't just keep it down? Maybe I've just had really shit sex my whole life because I find it very easy to be quiet. We don't have totally silent sex but unless the person in the next room has their ear to the wall I doubt we could be heard.

Yes, it's natural etc etc but that doesn't mean you can't be respectful of others in the house and just keep the noise down. My neighbour is a moaner and it's bloody annoying and cringey hearing her!

I heard my parents having sex a couple of times when I was a teen. I really hated it; it took me a long time to feel the same about them afterwards. Hence why current sex life, with a 15 yo, 18yo in a tiny terraced house is just not happening.
We've done it twice since lockdown, once in silence when DD was downstairs on a late video call with friends, and once on the only single occasion they have both left the house at the same time!

Can you not have sex where your DH lives if he lives elsewhere then?

We have 21 year old DD and two 19 year olds here, DD2 and her boyf.. Erggghhhh. We used to try and sneak off mid afternoon at the weekend but it was so stressful. However,we wake up early, and the brats are comatose until about 11am so we have sex then, at weekends and do not even bother during the week. Not very romantic...but our bloody fault for having brats I guess...they both want to move back in after uni to save for houses too. Fml

But secret silent sex is SO EXCITING.

Before we were married , if we stayed at his parents house MIL made us sleep in separate rooms. We went to bed in separate room , waited in a state of rampnt lust until we hoped they were both asleep before he crept into my room (beside theirs, but the springs were quieter)) and we had lots of secret sex as quietly as possible. Woooo hoooo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I am astonished on here sometimes at how little privacy people have from their children - people talking about wanting to "have a poo in peace" etc - really?!
I would not want my children to hear me have sex (they can't anyway, as my boyfriend is never here when they are, so they would have to hear it from several miles away, and even we aren't that bad) but I have absolutely no qualms about telling them that I need privacy. As they get older, they stay up later and I get more honest about the fact that everyone going off to their own rooms at night isn't just about them needing bedtime but me needing adult time - in my case, adult having no sexual meaning whatsoever, I just mean talking freely to my friends online or on the phone, or reading in peace without being interrupted, or watching a film which isn't suitable for them, or listening to music that I like without them whining.

If you are having sex as quietly as reasonably possible and making some effort to insulate the noise (no squeaky bangy bed, play music or something) then they don't get to be the junior anti sex league.