DH won't let me relax when I'm eating

[loreleigilmore28]

I had my second baby in December and this time around I've struggled to lose the weight I gained (probably gained more than I should in pregnancy anyway)

DH hasn't really said anything about it
apart from when I've mentioned that it's getting me down he'll say "oh well do something about it then". He won't give me sympathy but that's fine I do need a bit of a push to action.

However he's been really pissing me off about eating. Whenever, and I mean whenever, he sees me eating, even my regular meals not even snacks, he always raises an eyebrow or smirls and says "so much for the diet". It takes the enjoyment out of me eating anything at all.

Last night he rang me on his way home, quite late, kids in bed... he's getting a take away, do I want something. So I said yes please that sounds nice the usual etc...

So he comes home but then when I'm dishing mine out ( in a normal manner) he goes 'oh look at you, you cant wait'... I ignore him.
Then when I'm eating he does an impression of me eating like an exaggerated mouth stuffed "nom mom nom".

So I just went mad, told him why did he bring it if he just planned to mock me for eating it, and he'd ruined the meal for me. I put it on the side and went upstairs.
But then hes kicked off for me being rude and respectful but I'd literally had enough.
He went to work this morning still in a mood but I'm not placating him or apologising for kicking off like I usually would because I really think I've had enough.
Aibu?

[Mangofandangoo]

Also OP emotional abuse is a criminal offence and this (from your post) is exactly what is happening here.

[borntohula]

My bf was calorie counting but also eating whole packets of biscuits, etc. I definitely made jokes because that's the sort of relationship we have but I couldn't really give a shiny shit that he's put a few pounds on. I would never make comments if I thought it would hurt him but reading these replies, I should probably stop regardless. Also, YANBU.

[Branleuse]

my dad used to do this to me. I ended up with an eating disorder

[CambsAlways]

What a complete bellend he is, you deserve so much better

[randomer]

Fuck, women and weight.....I am tiny....whoop de doo for you.

Bit of basic biology, new ( because he/she is new at 6 months) baby, sometimes results in a different body for Mum.

Moron.

[SuperMedium]

BarboreJacket WHO the fuck posts "how overweight are you - I'm tiny and always lost the weight after pregnancy because I'm a strong willed and fantastic human being" to a woman who's not long had a baby and who's husband buys her take aways so he can mimic and taunt her while she eats them, then tells her that she is disrespectful when she doesn't take the taunting humbly!

It doesn't matter whether she's 6 stone or 26, wants to lose weight or doesn't, in the context of any husband who does this being an irredeemably unpleasant bully of the highest order! In fact the cruelty is more malignant if he knows she's unhappy with her weight because he set her up deliberately to mock her!

[MadCattery]

I hate people commenting on my food. Don’t eat in the lunchroom at work anymore, don’t like comments. It’s rude. A brief “that looks good” or “that smells great” is fine, but anything further is rude.

[Stephie0x3]

Ahhh op I accidentally voted you were being unreasonable but I absolutely did not mean to!!! I can’t stand people commenting on what I eat, it makes me feel so self conscious! You’re definitely not being rude, I would be the exact same! xox

[ILikeyourHairyHands]

Quite Supermedium, and if you want to be a bot of a dick Barbore, I'm sure most people's weight doesnt increase by 60% during pregnancy. I'd suggest you may have a slightly unhealthy relationship with food.

[frazzledasarock]

I’ve put on weight with my second DC with DP & I really want to lose the weight, I’m still bf DC tho who’s now sixteen months.

I know I’m snacking more as I’m WFH but DP has never said a word. He’s really kind to me has set up his bike on a frame so I can exercise and gives me time to do yoga.

He wouldn’t ever dream of mocking me eating. I would not be with him if he ever did.

Your H is really nasty. Is he the peak of fitness himself then?

[matchboxtwentyunwell]

He's being a dick.

Tell him you're not going to spend your life being food policed by the person who's supposed to love you no matter what. You're a grown up. You'll own your own food decisions, thank you very much.

[Scarydinosaurs]

barbore he didn’t ‘touch a nerve’ he MOCKED THE WAY SHE ATE.

I would tell him once and for all to pack it in. Carrying on is hurtful and will damage your relationship until it is beyond repair.

[Lockdownlover]

Op, he sounds like a twat. That’s just nasty as hell! I also put on a lot of weight and was 4 stone heavier than before both my babies. I’m now on a health kick and am losing weight. My dh has been super supportive and is constantly telling me how proud he is of me. If I fancy a treat but am questioning myself, he’ll remind me how hard I’m working and to go easy on myself. I am getting there and am halfway to my goal weight. My self esteem regarding my body was low as it was, if he had made comments like your dh, he’d have tipped me over the edge and I’d have been much ruder than you were. Go easy on yourself, when you’re ready to lose the weight, I’m sure you will. It doesn’t have to be now and you should have a dh who loves you unconditionally and who understands why your body has changed. You carried and gave birth to his babies for crying out loud. What he said was cruel and he needs to reassess how he speaks to you before you show him the door.

On a separate note, @BarboreJacket, I hope you feel satisfied and smug with yourself after that awful, patronising and downright obnoxious post. If you think 7 stone is a healthy weight for an average adult female, then I suggest you get some help. Also, please don’t come kick someone when they’re down.

[tillytown]

Ignore all the people who suggested eating in a different room from your dickhead husband, instead get a massive plate of your favourite food and stare at him while your eat every mouthful. You gave him two children, your body changed, if he can't deal with that, fuck him.

[BarboreJacket]

I can live with being a dick, but I would find it harder to be overweight.

If the OP is happy with who she is and her weight, she should tell her husband to fuck off. But I suspect that she isn't happy with her body post-childbirth, which is the main reason for her being upset. If the former is the case, she needs to lose weight for herself. If it's the latter, she needs tell her husband he's being an unreasonable tosser.

That was the thinking behind my comments.

I have been on MN for 20 years, btw, so know that small and slender people are loathed on here.

[LovePoppy]

@oohnicevase

Sounds like he is trying to passively aggressively make you lose weight .. but in a very twatty way!!

What? Lol

There is no other way to be passive aggressive except the twatty way

[AntiHop]

He's a fucking bully and this is unacceptable.

[BarboreJacket]

Sorry - crossed posts with some others.

Lockdownlover, 7 stone is perfectly fine for someone who's 5 foot tall and generally tiny. Your comment about it not being a healthy weight for an 'average adult female' may be true - but it's a healthy weight for someone of my height and build. You are, in another way, doing what the OP's husband is doing, namely shaming someone for the way they are built.

[Seaweed42]

This is about him needing to control something. Classic Bully.
This isn't about you, it's about him projecting his own fears. Generalised hostility towards women due to a denial of vulnerable feelings in himself. Showing vulnerability is a red rag to a bull in this type of person.
You expressed to him how difficult it was to find yourself struggling with weight after a baby. He saw your vulnerablilty and that makes him aggressive because the biggest fear he has is that he is 'weak' in some way. He has to seek to get the upper hand because it represents him triumphing over his secret fears about himself. He's a weak shitty little bully. Probably made life hell for some kid in his school.

[SpillTheTeaa]

What a bully. This is how eating disorders usually start.

[Healthyandhappy]

My husband gets like this not to this extent. I'm not heavy I'm 10.7 5ft6 but wanna get to 9.5st and he says u cant eat that etc (on slimming world) but then is the first to moan when the wine he bought me I refuse to drink cause of syns etc. If u are happy as u are carry on and get rid of him. If u arent happy join slimming world xx

[duletty]

Pathetic example of a man/partner

[Craftycorvid]

OP, if you need a patio to, y’know, shift some evidence underground, just say the word. I don’t actually have a patio but it’s a minor detail.

Seriously: it isn’t a joke when the other person is obviously hurt by it; repeating it becomes abuse. It’s a known and common form of emotional abuse - insulting comment followed by ‘you can’t take a joke, you’re over-sensitive’ etc. And followed some time down the line with ‘I’m struggling to deal with your over-sensitivity, you are abusing me’.

[Dougalthesyrianhamster]

@BarboreJacket 7 stone is not healthy for any adult, 5 foot or not!

You sound like you have massive eating issues

[bookworm100]

YANBU sounds horrible, sorry.