Opening up to nct friends only to be met with bragging

[greycover]

I opened up slightly to a couple of nct mates last night about my son that had some speech therapy and will be starting again after a break because of covid.

One mate responded saying her daughter has made some good progress recently despite not saying much in March - fine but didn't ask anything about my son. Pretty self-centred reply but I can get out it.

The second mate responded saying how her daughter has the speaking skills of a 3-4 year old blah blah blah....

Just fuck off! This is why I don't really open up about stuff, it seems to open the door for disappointment.

I'm just venting here really! I'm quite astounded as to how this person thought it was a reasonable response

YANBU! That sounds so insensitive. Are they usually like that?
Presume you were on zoom or similar and that can change conversations, but that's no excuse

Yep competitive parenting, some insensitive idiots can’t wait to tell you how amazing their kids are compared to yours. I had to stop seeing a couple of friends due to this issue it just got too much.

That's quite some competitive parenting going on there, isn't it? They don't sound at all supportive. They aren't really friends at all, the only thing you have in common with them is that you all have young children.
I wouldn't bother with them any more.

I'm having similar with an nct 'friend' too. My eldest has ASD and ODD so school work hasn't been happening here. I told her this and she sent a picture of her child's independent writing. They are 4 BTW

NCT = competitive parenting

This is exactly why we didn't bother with the NCT meetups after the course. We found competitive parenting and attention seeking to be rife. We haven't regretted it at all. You really don't need baby groups if they are not supportive.

Typical NCT lot. I remember mine grimaced when I said I only had one bathroom.

Very insensitive. We have somebody a bit like that in our group. My husband and I call her "Magic Nips" because in the early days when a few of us discussed struggling with breastfeeding, she was compelled on every opportunity to tell us how fabulous she was at breastfeeding and how her baby just knew what she was doing straight away.

Some people are just a bit dense like that.

I didn’t do NCT, but my best mate did and found this a lot, it really stressed her out. I’m very much of the opinion that if they don’t add anything food to your life then bin them off! No point in keeping them if your life if they’re twats. Just because you did NCT together doesn’t mean you have to be friends.

I know it’s judgey to say this, but that’s just the type of behaviour I’d expect from NCT types.

@DerbyshireGirly, lol at 'Magic Nips'

It really depends on your group, my NCT group has been lovely and not competitive at all

Did you call out person 2 on her response?

One of my NCT group chirpily posted to our group to say that their 8 week old had started sleeping through the night and a strong routine was all that was needed. Genuinely still hate her nearly four years on

Try not to take it to heart, difficult I know, practically the same thing happened to me. Was really struggling and finding being a first time mum difficult, DD wasn't saying much so spoke to NCT "friend" who told me how she loved the conversations her and her daughter had and what a good listener she was. It made me feel so so shit, when I put the phone down down I burst into tears.

All babies develop at their own rate, so don't worry and ignore annoying NCT-ers!

They sound pleasant.... Just rude and insensitive...

Sadly I've found many people utterly insensitive to others problems...

What the 'very advanced' crowing crowd don't understand... It's all a bit pointless isn't it.... Either their kids will be caught up pretty quickly - this is so usual... Or they'll be light years ahead and spend their school time bored (this was me)....

A very good, extreme, example was Ruth Lawrence... Very gifted mathematically.... Started at Oxford at 13...?!?

Who the hell wants to go to uni at 13?? ....youre just not going to benefit as much as an 18 year old socially... Think she had a PhD by 18 or so...

I'm not decrying her brilliance.... But seriously what benefit is it to the individual?

Sorry I've gone off point...

Really hope the speech therapy goes swimmingly

The competitive parenting brigade. Massive twats the lot of them.

My cousin didn't say a word until he was 5 and then on day just started to speak and spoke in sentences.
Some children just take longer to do things than others. They should have been more supportive of how difficult it is and how worrying it can be when your child needs extra help with things that others take for granted.
Hopefully he will get used to going back quickly and will improve and you can relax a little.
You are doing an amazing job and you are allowed to want support from those you would hope to trust xx

To me the first mums sounds like she was trying to sympathise/encourage dont think she was bragging. Second mum sounds socially unaware

I'd get rid. My nct group were similarly unsupportive. I was the only one not to be able to breastfeed and my god did they bang on about it constantly. They were mean and bought absolutely nothing to my life. I binned them off about 3 months pp.

I don’t think this is anything to do with NCT but sadly what lots of parents do all the time.

For what’s its worth, DD1 was a late talker and DD2 an exceptionally early one. DD1 caught up and DD2 slowed down so both ended up exactly where they should be. It’s a little bit like walking because whether your child walks at six months or eighteen months, you can’t tell the difference when they start school. It is not a sign of intelligence (even though some mistakenly think it is, although you’ve done the right thing getting it checked out in case there is an underlying issue).

This is why you avoid anything NCT at all costs.

This is probably a bit of a reach but could they be telling your how their dc are doing as a way of saying “I don’t know about that so I don’t know how to advise you”? I know that sounds mad but I’ve caught myself responding like that once or twice and hated myself for it so quickly explained that while I was sorry that was happening to them/their dc I wasn’t sure what to say as it wasn’t something I’d experienced? Only example I can think of was when a friend was having trouble getting her newborn to go from bottle to breast and I replied something about my dc feeding well! I kicked myself after (I blame sleep deprivation!). Like I say, possibly a bit of a reach!

Also my ds had speech therapy from age 2 and is now almost caught up with his peers so while it’s worrying try not to fret too much

Definitely competitive parenting, I've found some parents just do this, its like they live through their child and can't see how twatty and insensitive they're being by bragging. Hope you have other, more supportive, people to chat with

Yeah, I think the first one was just trying to draw parallels, to indicate that she is in a similar situation, but the second one was definitely bragging.