Opening up to nct friends only to be met with bragging

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I opened up slightly to a couple of nct mates last night about my son that had some speech therapy and will be starting again after a break because of covid.

One mate responded saying her daughter has made some good progress recently despite not saying much in March - fine but didn't ask anything about my son. Pretty self-centred reply but I can get out it.

The second mate responded saying how her daughter has the speaking skills of a 3-4 year old blah blah blah....

Just fuck off! This is why I don't really open up about stuff, it seems to open the door for disappointment.

The irony of this isn't lost on me, but I think I can outdo everyone with tales of competitive parenting (or in this case grandparenting)!

I was pregnant with my second child and was referred to the hospital that afternoon as the midwife was worried about the baby's heartbeat. I popped in home on my way to hospital to collect some snacks and toys to keep my 4 year old occupied and bumped into my neighbour (whose daughter was also pregnant). I mentioned to her that was on my way to hospital because the baby's heartbeat didn't sound right. She responded with "My daughter's baby has got a really strong heartbeat - they said it was one of the strongest they'd ever heard at the surgery" and not a word of concern or sympathy over my situation.

I probably wouldn't send the message, block etc - I'm too passive too! Couldn't face drama/fallout, especially during lockdown

I would just not join chats/get togethers again - say you're busy and they'll get the message...

"My daughter's baby has got a really strong heartbeat - they said it was one of the strongest they'd ever heard at the surgery"

OMG

The heartbeat thing is fucking terrible!

Only if you allow yourself to be. Send it, leave the chat and block them. What's to lose? They aren't friends. They don't care about you. They make you miserable. Sounds like a good result for you - because not only do you walk away, but you get a chance to call out their shitty behaviour. There is even a small chance it might make them stop and think and not do the same to some other Mum who's struggling.

I wouldn't want the annoying two to make the nice two dislike me etc. I shall ignore them. Hopefully.

Yanbu, i can't get on with anyone who slaps down an earnest attempt at connection with bragging. I guess their friends must have incredibly thick skins.

I was glad there were no NCT groups around me because I feared it would be totally like the competitive parenting and bragging that you mentioned! It doesn’t stop there either. So many parents post their kids’ whole school reports on Facebook. Whilst my kids’ reports are great and I’m very proud (not bragging, I promise!) surely they are of no interest to anyone else?!

And the heartbeat thing...wtf?!!

My baby has achieved some things a bit early and I feel like I can’t even tell people about it in case it comes across like I’m bragging and trying to make them feel bad.. when all I really want to do is share like the rest of them. I don’t think my baby is better then anyone else’s because of those things.

I had speech therapy as a child. I’ve never seen it as a big deal. I’ve heard a lot of children do it.

I think the first one was being kind and offering reassurance about how quickly things change with young children.

My NCT Group was competitive about who had the worst baby 😁. The two with sleeping/ eating babies stayed very quiet as they didn’t want to upset us any more than we already were. I think you’re just as likely to get competitive behaviour in any parental group situation and not just NCT. You’ve got years of toddler groups, football matches, gym classes, school nativities, reading levels and university places ahead of you. Just learn to cut out the other parents who are stressful.

My baby has achieved some things a bit early and I feel like I can’t even tell people about it in case it comes across like I’m bragging and trying to make them feel bad.. when all I really want to do is share like the rest of them. I don’t think my baby is better then anyone else’s because of those things.
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I had speech therapy as a child. I’ve never seen it as a big deal. I’ve heard a lot of children do it.

Share with family, or when appropriate. Just not as a direct response to someone opening up about something potentially sensitive.

Salty I think it's how you do it. Lovely to share positive updates as part of a chat where everyone's got something they want to be proud of. But presumably you wouldn't respond to someone's message about their child needing SALT by telling them that your child's linguistic skills are amazingly advanced?

I think the first one was being kind and offering reassurance about how quickly things change with young children.

Maybe, with the benefit of the doubt. But she has form.

She asked a mother of a deaf toddler, when the newborn was going to have a hearing test. The newborn was less than 24 hours old.

Sorry, am I missing something?
You talked about your child, then they started talking about their kids, and you got upset becasue they were not still talking about your child?
Conversations are usually like this, unless you had speciffically indicated you had a problem you wanted to discuss?

Sounds like your second mate has the speaking skills of a 3-4yr old too - just like her daughter. Speaks without much thought!

The amount of people who told me that their precious darling was a really early speaker, but of course, they spoke to them all the time. Oh, so you mean I shouldn’t have locked them up in the cupboard under the stairs a la Harry Potter.

Admittedly my three girls were spectacularly late talkers, but in many cases their child wasn’t even an early talker, anyway (bitchy thought from me.

I don’t say competitive parenting gets less when your dc hit the teens, but it is more diluted.

• Sorry, am I missing something? You talked about your child, then they started talking about their kids, and you got upset becasue they were not still talking about your child? Conversations are usually like this, unless you had speciffically indicated you had a problem you wanted to discuss?**

You have missed a lot, yes.

Yes yes to a PP that said about them 'talking to them a lot' WTF do they think I've been doing?! It's not that simple!

Both my children had speech therapy
As I did

Not something I see as “opening up about”, something to be discussed in a hush tone and met with sympathy and support from friends.

Have you got other mum friends? You definitely need people with children on these issues- have you made any friends at playgroup? There are lots of nice mums out there I promise!

I have, thankfully. Not many but, actual, proper good friends aren't that common so I'm happy with the people in my life that matter.

• Both my children had speech therapy As I did

Not something I see as “opening up about”, something to be discussed in a hush tone and met with sympathy and support from friends.*

I'm not ashamed, but I also keep personal things, personal a lot of the time. And their responses is why!

Sounds like you want to talk about your child’s speech, but they’re not allowed to say how their child is coming along? Is speech now off the table as a subject because your child is behind in this area? 2nd person perhaps bit insensitive, but think mums of young children tend to be absorbed by their child and just want to share - it’s not always necessarily competitive. My child is way ahead of all the other babies we know - am I not allowed to share excitement at milestones incase I offend? I’m least competitive person I know, but bursting with love & pride for my beautiful little one!

I had speech therapy as a child. I’ve never seen it as a big deal. I’ve heard a lot of children do it.

Just because you had speech therapy as a child, doesn’t negate the fact it is worrying and certainly not the norm. OP is obviously worried about this and your post sounds very self centred and lacking in empathy.

My child is way ahead of all the other babies we know - am I not allowed to share excitement at milestones incase I offend? I’m least competitive person I know, but bursting with love & pride for my beautiful little one!

You sound a little competitive tbh.....

I think the first one was being kind and offering reassurance about how quickly things change with young children.

Maybe, with the benefit of the doubt. But she has form.

She asked a mother of a deaf toddler, when the newborn was going to have a hearing test. The newborn was less than 24 hours old.

So why open up to her?
Seems you don’t think highly of either.

I'm not sure why I did. I shouldn't have, and I won't again.