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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Potty training nightmare, please help. I really don't know what to do now

88 replies

5lilducks · 06/06/2020 08:42

Hi all

Posting here for traffic. I have posted here before re.advice on potty training but now I am facing my ultimate potty training nightmare and I don't know what I should do. My HV hasn't returned my call yet and I need some urgent advice please.

We started potty training DD 2.5 last week Monday. She insisted on wearing "big girl knickers" and does all her wee's in the potty. On Monday she was about to do a poo in her knickers and I caught her and amid much protest I placed her on her potty and she did a poo in it. Since then she absolutely refuses to sit on the potty for a poo. Sometimes I have managed to make her sit on it by plonking her in front of the TV and putting her favourite programme on ,but she just sits on it like sitting in a cinema and nothing ever happens. A few minutes later I put a nappy on her and then she would poo in minutes. I realise I have probably made a mistake by putting a nappy on her for her to poo in but I was worried she would withold her poo and get constipated. Now she will not sit on her potty for a poo or if she does she will just sit on it like sitting on a chair and then get up and ask for a nappy and say "I want to poo in a nappy". Aby advice as to what I should be doing would be greatly appreciated. Yesterday she asked for a nappy to poo in and I told her there were no nappies for her to poo in , and that she had to do her poo in the potty. Therefore, she didn't poo at all yesterday. Should I give her a nappy for her to poo in or would she just get used to pooing in her nappy and not want to use the potty for poo? Or shall I ditch the whole potty training fiasco and go back to full time nappies (wees and poos) and try again in a few weeks? Please help I really have no idea what to do. Tia.

OP posts:

OrangeGinLemonFanta · 06/06/2020 08:46

I'd go back to nappies for a few weeks. DD was older when she potty trained but it was a nightmare of wee holding at 2.11 and an absolute breeze at 3.1.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 06/06/2020 08:48

You could try lining the potty with an open nappy? And then flush it down the toilet together? I think this is relatively common, have you googled for advice?

user8558 · 06/06/2020 08:50

Just stop, nappies until she's ready.

Don't do this to her and yourself!

kaleidoscopeantebellum · 06/06/2020 08:53

I agree I'd stop for a little while and start again. No point in stressing one another out.

I found when potty training my youngest we went bare around the house for a few days and I got a step and children's toilet seat for the normal toilet and she thought she was so such a big girl she did everything on her big toilet.

reenon · 06/06/2020 08:54

Another one for stopping.

My friend's little girl only stopped wearing a nappy for a poo one week before she started school. Absolutely fine for weeks but had to pull on a nappy for a poo. When her mum took her nappy away before she started school she was absolutely fine and went to the loo no probs at all.

AlmostAlwyn · 06/06/2020 08:54

I think if it's a struggle then don't put yourself and her through it! Have a break for a couple of weeks. I don't think there's any point putting pressure on them when it's developmental anyway. When she's ready, she'll get it!

QforCucumber · 06/06/2020 08:54

It's completely normal, ds took longer with poos - he said it felt like his tummy was falling out and he didnt like it when he went. Go back to nappies for a few weeks and try again later.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/06/2020 08:54

She’s not ready. Try again in a bit. And don’t worry!

SnuggyBuggy · 06/06/2020 08:58

Have you tried bare bottom?

Teateaandmoretea · 06/06/2020 09:05

I wouldn’t put her back in nappies, but I would put one on her if it was the only way she would poo.

It sounds like she’s doing well with wees and is in control of the pooing. Mumsnet is weird about potty training I think.

purplemunkey · 06/06/2020 09:09

Agree with others - just leave it and try again later. We tired a few times with DDI thought I ‘should’. She wasn’t ready and it was just stressful all round. She did it herself at 3.5. Just started using the potty at her childminders of her own accord and that was it. Maybe leave the potty out but don’t force it.

Livebythecoast · 06/06/2020 09:10

I agree with OoohTheStatsDontLie. We did this for our DD when she refused to poo in a potty.
We lined her potty with an open nappy and she was happy with that. Once she got used to that she started going on the potty without it. Obviously every child is different and it might not work for yours but it's worth a try. Otherwise, leave it a few weeks and then revisit it. Good luck!

emodi · 06/06/2020 09:11

Same as everyone says leave off for 3-4 weeks and try again . And anytime she does it in the potty make a big song and dance about it . I had an all singing potty this is years ago now my eldest is 15 and it made celebratory sounds when anything went in and it has flushing noises etc don’t even know if they still have them . Some kids also just prefer using the toilet with a seat you know if you have one of those kids that follow you everywhere

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 06/06/2020 09:13

She doesn’t sound ready yet.
I’d go back to pull-ups but keep trying the potty regularly but with no expectations or stress.

Original poster

5lilducks · 06/06/2020 09:15

So I have hidden the potty this morning and she hasn't done a wee since waking and is saying she wants to wee in the potty
Now I am worried she is holding in her wee. Would she just start seeing in her nappy do you think?

@SnuggyBuggy No I haven't really tried bare bottom yet.

OP posts:

Booboostwo · 06/06/2020 09:15

You are turning this into a big deal and it doesn’t need to be. Stop forcing her on the potty and let her use nappies. Wait until she is ready to potty train.

Wallywobbles · 06/06/2020 09:16

Just let her have access to the potty. Don't go backwards please.

Teateaandmoretea · 06/06/2020 09:16

If she wants the potty give it to her. MN is really really weird about keeping children in nappies until they are about 4.

Thesearmsofmine · 06/06/2020 09:16

This is is totally normal, not a nightmare! Just let her poo in a nappy until she is ready. Is she wearing a nappy at night?

Booboostwo · 06/06/2020 09:16

Why did you hide the potty? Take a step back and let her take the lead in what she wants to do.

Teateaandmoretea · 06/06/2020 09:17

Wait until she is ready to potty train.

She is ready she’s asking for the potty 🤷🏻‍♀️

She just needs to be allowed to pop in a nappy for now if she wants. Making her wee in a nappy when she wants the potty is nuts!

Thesearmsofmine · 06/06/2020 09:17

Cross posted, why on earth have you hidden her potty? Just let her wee in it and poo in a nappy.

Snagscardies · 06/06/2020 09:19

Let her wee in the potty then. Why wouldn't you?

DanceToTheMusicInMyHead · 06/06/2020 09:19

We've just come out of this exact scenario. At first we put a nappy on for a poo when requested- we recognised that it is really good that he knew he needed a poo and asked. We tried rewards (bribery) to encourage poos on a potty with limited success. Then we said no nappies in the day, which led him to poo in his night nappy (and on a few memorable occasions smear it all over the bedroom ). One day he asked for a nappy on during the day and we just did it. From the next day onwards he then, without any encouragement, sat on the potty for a poo and hasn't gone back since. I think he just wanted to feel in control, not under pressure and do it in his own time.

I would celebrate the success in wees, and just put her in nappies when she asks for a poo. It isn't all or nothing, and can be done in stages. Maybe she will do it if there is no pressure. She's only 2.5- no need to rush and if you feel stressed then she will. It doesn't just 'click' overnight. Good luck!

(Btw- totally recognise that it is easier looking back with hindsight to say don't stress than it is in the middle of it all!)

SnuggyBuggy · 06/06/2020 09:20

Mine was bare bottom for a week and refusing the potty and then one day after not doing anything different just sat on the potty quite happily

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