Potty training nightmare, please help. I really don't know what to do now

[5lilducks]

Hi all

Posting here for traffic. I have posted here before re.advice on potty training but now I am facing my ultimate potty training nightmare and I don't know what I should do. My HV hasn't returned my call yet and I need some urgent advice please.

We started potty training DD 2.5 last week Monday. She insisted on wearing "big girl knickers" and does all her wee's in the potty. On Monday she was about to do a poo in her knickers and I caught her and amid much protest I placed her on her potty and she did a poo in it. Since then she absolutely refuses to sit on the potty for a poo. Sometimes I have managed to make her sit on it by plonking her in front of the TV and putting her favourite programme on ,but she just sits on it like sitting in a cinema and nothing ever happens. A few minutes later I put a nappy on her and then she would poo in minutes. I realise I have probably made a mistake by putting a nappy on her for her to poo in but I was worried she would withold her poo and get constipated. Now she will not sit on her potty for a poo or if she does she will just sit on it like sitting on a chair and then get up and ask for a nappy and say "I want to poo in a nappy". Aby advice as to what I should be doing would be greatly appreciated. Yesterday she asked for a nappy to poo in and I told her there were no nappies for her to poo in , and that she had to do her poo in the potty. Therefore, she didn't poo at all yesterday. Should I give her a nappy for her to poo in or would she just get used to pooing in her nappy and not want to use the potty for poo? Or shall I ditch the whole potty training fiasco and go back to full time nappies (wees and poos) and try again in a few weeks? Please help I really have no idea what to do. Tia.

The other factor that occurs to me is that in the past only rich people had carpeted floors. What helped me was that we don't have any carpets I'm especially proud of so I wasn't that fussed about accidents on the floor

One more thought that might help, (I’ve just potty trained mine at the same age). Could it be a standing up vs sitting down thing? Mine has taken 6 weeks to learn how to poo sitting, he just didn’t seem to have the muscle control to do it at first. We started with him standing by the potty, then progressed to him hovering over it (like u do in a dirty public toilet when u don’t want to sit on the seat), now he can just about sit and poo. Keep going, just stay calm and consistent, she’ll get there.

I had a week of sheer hell trying to get DD at 2.5 to use the potty. I "needed" her to be dry before she moved class in nursery at the age of 3. We gave up - it was stressing her and me. And wasn't helped by the fact that "everyone on the entire planet" has toilet trained their children by the age of 2, and what was I thinking leaving it this late and she's a really late developer etc etc etc ....

You are doing the best thing. DD suddenly "got it" at the age of 2 years 11 months. Your child will too. DO NOT STRESS about it. She will get it right when she's ready, and she's already half way there, so well done so far.

She witheld her wee until I gave her a potty so I can't really go back to full time nappies. The toilet seat @Jubaju linked looks good, will def. look into it. She didn't poo yesterday because I didn't give her a nappy and now I am very worried she will start getting constipated ..I have put her in nappy pants in case she suddenly decides she needs to do a poo.

Dd1, potty trained for wees in a week at 2.5, for poos though, she would only do them in a nappy until she was nearer to 3. She point blank refused to do them on the toilet/potty, which led to withholding and then a course of very strong laxatives when she hadn't gone for 2 weeks. We just let her get on with it until she was ready.

My dd is just turned 3 and is the same. She's in knickers all day but asks to put a pull up on for a poo. She's brilliant at going on the loo for wees, but just not ready to poo on it. We tried to poo goes to pooland app, she found it very funny but still no. I tried saying no to the pull ups and she did not poo for two days. So we are going along with what works for her. They all do it when they're ready.

My advice would be to try a small positive reward every time she does a poo in the toilet/potty. We used Malteasers and similar.

Our youngest ds 4 only started wearing his big boy pants since lockdown. We had tried before but he just wouldn't go on the potty. So we kept him in his pull ups. Then one morning he came into our bedroom with his big boy pants and wanted to wear those. It took about a week for him to use the potty without being prompted. But we are about 3/4 weeks in and he takes himself to the potty when needed. Just need him to tell us when he has done a poo in the potty, rather than stink the living room out. 😂

My little one cracked wee's immediately but poo's were a massive struggle and a source of much stress. She was a similar age to your dd when we potty trained her, 2 years 9 months. She would have an absolute fit when we tried to get her on potty or toilet for a poo, absolute melt downs. She would hold and hold her poo giving her self tummy ache then poo her pants or on the floor instead which she found distressing as well. She went back to using a nappy/pull up pants only to poo in, she would say she needed to go and id stick one on her. It lasted about 6 months and then all of a sudden she used the toilet and has been no bother since. It's really common apparently and nothing to worry about. I'd leave her getting on with the wee's herself and just show her to ask for a nappy when she needs a poo and she'll do it when she's ready. Just keep reminding her about the toilet/potty so it keeps it in her mind x

Dd1 did this. Held her poo in for 4 days then eventually had no choice to use her potty. Sounds harsh but worked a treat

She is obviously ready, it's just a case of taking the time to find out what works for her, so you are doing right by not giving up and just going back to nappies, that would be extremely unfair to her.

Yes, always give her access to her potty, she needs to be able to use it when she wants, she needs the control.

I would just see what she chooses to do when she has no nappy but the potty is her option for her poos. Explain there are no more nappies in the day and that she does her poos in the potty/toilet now.

Maybe leave her bare from the waist down and place the potty out of view so she can just put herself on it if she needs?

It may be a case of trial and error to find something that works for her but please don't go back to nappies after she's cracked her wee, you would be letting her down and confusing her in my opinion.

After struggling with my first one I changed tack for the younger two. Left the potty around from age 2 but no pressure at all. I basically didn't bother until they were 3 when I stopped using nappies during the day and just put them in 'big girl/boy pants' DS2 was clean and dry in two days . DD1 about two weeks.

Just wait until she is ready and it will be a breeze

I think she felt like doing a poo so she asked me to change her nappy pants. She wanted to wear the normal nappy which I think she is much more comfortable with doing poos in. The nappy pants probably feel a bit more like knickers. But no poo yet. I have tried all sorts of rewards...even gruffalo stickers(she loves the gruffalo)..she inches towards the potty as if wanting to poo in the potty and then goes back saying "I don't want to poo in the potty". I am just going to let her decide when she wants to poo in the potty and will also have a child toilet seat fitted and see if she wants to use it.