Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Potty training nightmare, please help. I really don't know what to do now

88 replies

5lilducks · 06/06/2020 08:42

Hi all

Posting here for traffic. I have posted here before re.advice on potty training but now I am facing my ultimate potty training nightmare and I don't know what I should do. My HV hasn't returned my call yet and I need some urgent advice please.

We started potty training DD 2.5 last week Monday. She insisted on wearing "big girl knickers" and does all her wee's in the potty. On Monday she was about to do a poo in her knickers and I caught her and amid much protest I placed her on her potty and she did a poo in it. Since then she absolutely refuses to sit on the potty for a poo. Sometimes I have managed to make her sit on it by plonking her in front of the TV and putting her favourite programme on ,but she just sits on it like sitting in a cinema and nothing ever happens. A few minutes later I put a nappy on her and then she would poo in minutes. I realise I have probably made a mistake by putting a nappy on her for her to poo in but I was worried she would withold her poo and get constipated. Now she will not sit on her potty for a poo or if she does she will just sit on it like sitting on a chair and then get up and ask for a nappy and say "I want to poo in a nappy". Aby advice as to what I should be doing would be greatly appreciated. Yesterday she asked for a nappy to poo in and I told her there were no nappies for her to poo in , and that she had to do her poo in the potty. Therefore, she didn't poo at all yesterday. Should I give her a nappy for her to poo in or would she just get used to pooing in her nappy and not want to use the potty for poo? Or shall I ditch the whole potty training fiasco and go back to full time nappies (wees and poos) and try again in a few weeks? Please help I really have no idea what to do. Tia.

OP posts:
madnessitellyou · 06/06/2020 09:42

My dd1 was exactly like this and was a similar age. I can’t remember how long this went on for, but it can’t have been long.

Jubaju · 06/06/2020 09:42

We ordered this, much easier than poos on the potty which my daughter hated.

The more stressed she gets about the pooing the worse it will be- just go with her pace. I don’t think I’d give a nappy back for poos though.

Potty training nightmare, please help. I really don't know what to do now
Lochinvar2020 · 06/06/2020 09:43

My younger one wouldn't poo in a potty long after she was dry in the day and wearing knickers (no problem over it as such, she just automatically did it in the morning in her night nappy). I remember feeling really stressed about it but can't actually remember how it turned out ok - I think it just happened one day and that was it. Anyway she's 27 now and hasn't worn a nappy for quite a while 😁 Seriously, she sorted it herself when she was still very little and yours will too. I understand the stress though!

User24689 · 06/06/2020 09:45

Hi OP. I had this exact thing with my daughter when we trained her at around the same age. It is really common for children to be trained for wees but take longer with the poos.

With my DD we carried on, gave lots of praise when she used the potty for wees. She would ask for a nappy for a poo and we would ask if she wanted to use the potty and if not we just put her in her nappy and she did the poo in there. No stress, no pressure. After a couple of weeks, when she was used to using the potty for wees, she just did the poos in there as well.

I think it's really important not to get stressed or add pressure.

Guineapigbridge · 06/06/2020 09:45

This is about control. She's annoyed you lifted her against her will into the potty. Some toddlers are maniacs for control ha ha. So let HER decide when she goes to the potty but give her the opportunity about 20 mins after meals, every yime. You give the opportunity, provide an incentive (mine got a story read to them while sitting). SHE decides whether she wants it.

millymoo1202 · 06/06/2020 09:51

Neither of mine used a potty, straight onto toilet with a seat, I also remember HV saying don’t put potty in living room etc as they don’t see you having a poo in front of the telly! 🤣

userabcname · 06/06/2020 09:51

My friend's toddler is like this - she puts her nappy on for poos but her toddler has to go in the bathroom to do it (where her potty is kept). Seems a good compromise to me. I, however, cannot get my 3yo to anything at all on the flipping potty and quite frankly he is being an absolute nightmare about holding wees and poos for riduculous lengths of time so you also have my sympathy!

Sunshine1235 · 06/06/2020 09:57

I would just give her a nappy to poo in, she won’t do it forever and as you say it’s better than withholding or going backwards. I followed the ‘leave them until they’re ready advice’ and ended up training my son when he was nearly 3.5. Yes it was easy in that he got wees very quickly but he was very resistant to doing poos and it led to lots of issues of withholding for up to 5 days. Even now a year later he’ll still often withhold for a day or 2. My advice based on going through that is don’t create a big issue around poo, when she says she needs a poo maybe give her the option in a non pressurised way ‘potty or nappy’ but don’t pressure her it’ll just make things worse

CatteStreet · 06/06/2020 10:00

Follow her lead. If she wants to wee in the potty, that's great. If she wants to poo in a nappy, fine. She's really very young. Mine (two boys and a girl - so much for girls being earlier) all 'trained' around 3.5, with no drama and a limited number of accidents. We had one of those loo seats with steps - dd (4) still uses it as she's small and worries about slipping into the loo.

crazymare20 · 06/06/2020 10:01

If she wants to do a poo in her nappy then I would let her. My daughter started withholding when she was two and a half which set of a huge chain reaction including hospital admissions and stretching her bowel. She’s 11 now and we are still having problems.

2bazookas · 06/06/2020 10:01

Get one of those infant toilet seats that fit on the big one (so she's secure and can't fall in) and a child bathroom step. Tell her that now she's a big girl it's time to poo in a real toilet like Mummy and Daddy.

Porridgeoat · 06/06/2020 10:02

Leave her in nappies for a few months

BreatheAndFocus · 06/06/2020 10:03

It’s common for toddlers to be strange about where they poo. I remember mine would wee in the potty fine but not poo. Just go with it. Encourage them to try to poo, maybe read them a story, try a reward chart with extra rewards for a poo.

Also, get a toilet seat insert. Many children prefer pooing on a toilet.

But mainly, continue with the potty training and the pooing will sort itself out.

And all the posters saying she’s not ready are weird. Potty training starts around age 2 (unless there are medical issues obviously). This strange change to 3 or 4 yrs is down to laziness (again, apart from the odd exception).

Finally, my DC liked potty books - books about pirates and princesses weeing and pooing in potties 😃

Yorkshirepudding1987 · 06/06/2020 10:13

We went through this with DS. He was 2.9, was weeing fine and then pooing in his nappy when we put it on for bed. We let him just carry on with this, told him it was fine but if he wanted to try without to tell us and he did it in the nappy for a couple of weeks.
Then he asked to poo on the toilet, he will not poo in the potty at all. He has a toddler seat on the toilet and happily sits on that.
From what I read, it is very common for pooing to be a lot harder than weeing.

user1471447863 · 06/06/2020 10:15

Bribery.
5 poos in the potty and you get a new toy

Toddlers work well with bribes - and are bad at counting Smile

zingally · 06/06/2020 10:15

Chalk it up to "not ready yet". Put her back in nappies for everything (wees and poos) for another month and forget about it. This sort of fight is just a kid's way of letting you know they're not ready.

I first tried with my boy/girl twins at 2 years 6 months. Boy child took to it all like a duck to water. A couple of accidents, but basically nailed it. Girl child just didn't get it. Even bribery didn't work! Put her back in nappies for another 2 months, then tried again, and she nailed it completely.

CatteStreet · 06/06/2020 10:30

'Bribery.
5 poos in the potty and you get a new toy

Toddlers work well with bribes - and are bad at counting'

And this is exactly why - sorry - this is a bad idea. How is she supposed to have a sense of what '5' is at that age, or cope with a future goal like that? That's just a recipe for confusion and tbh rather cruel. I also think it's a misassumption that this is some kind of behavioural issue. It's developmental and the very best thing OP can do is follow her child's lead.

crazychemist · 06/06/2020 10:31

I got exactly the same loo seat thingy as @Jubaju. My DD REALLY struggles to poo in a potty, but could manage just fine on the seat. We’d had a bit of a nightmare with poo when potty training, resulting in quite bad constipation (had to be medicated a couple of times) because she was withholding. Even now, 15 months after being potty trained and well over a year since her last accident, she still really struggles to poo if it’s an unfamiliar seat or I ask her to do one in the potty (travelling, for example).

Some kids have an issue with poo. It gets gradually better, but I’d really suggest offering her a variety of different options (maybe borrow some stuff from people rather than buying several things) and see if one is easier for her. Success needs rewarding with lots of praise and whenever you take her again remind her of her previous successes.

I don’t think putting her back in nappies is necessary if she likes her big girl pants. She might view that negatively as it would be showing a lack of confidence in her.

There are plenty of toddler books about poo etc. I found these helped to keep it light, and would read them to DD on the loo so she didn’t feel pressured.

CatteStreet · 06/06/2020 10:33

'And all the posters saying she’s not ready are weird. Potty training starts around age 2 (unless there are medical issues obviously). This strange change to 3 or 4 yrs is down to laziness (again, apart from the odd exception).'

Ah, 'weird', the insult of choice of the intelligent.

Could we please have a reputable source for this monolithic assertion that 'potty training starts around age 2'? The use of the word 'training' alone implies you're not talking about a natural process.

I would suspect this 'lazy' change is more due to increasing numbers of parents becoming aware that it's counterproductive to turn parenting into something between a race and a power struggle.

HeyBlaby · 06/06/2020 10:46

'And all the posters saying she’s not ready are weird. Potty training starts around age 2 (unless there are medical issues obviously). This strange change to 3 or 4 yrs is down to laziness (again, apart from the odd exception).'

Can I ask what makes you qualified to make this statement? (Honest question) Is there a reputable source for this information?

SnuggyBuggy · 06/06/2020 11:11

I'm no expert but it does seem like the move to older potty training is a modern phenomenon that has coincided with the invention of affordable disposable nappies

StatementKnickers · 06/06/2020 11:22

I would agree with that. Children were potty trained earlier in the days before disposable nappies, washing machines etc.

Also if you are going to try bribery then small and immediate is the way to go - most 2yos can't really grasp a concept like 5 poos in potty earns a new toy, but 1 poo in potty = 1 chocolate button might be a different matter Wink

LoisLittsLover · 06/06/2020 11:24

My daughter did this. She could reliably ask for a nappy for a poo, so we just put a nappy on when we asked. Then a couple of weeks before her third birthday we were out and I hadn't got any in the bag. I sat her on the loo while I 'looked for a spare' and she did it. We haven't looked back

SnuggyBuggy · 06/06/2020 11:24

I just think the whole waiting until ready trend is all well and good if you have a toddler who has an epiphany at 3.5 and becomes really keen to use the toilet but must be a total nightmare if they never reach this point and you are stuck potty training when they are bigger and more stubborn than they were at 2.

OrangeGinLemonFanta · 06/06/2020 11:25

I'm no expert but it does seem like the move to older potty training is a modern phenomenon that has coincided with the invention of affordable disposable nappies

This may be true (although cloth nappy users I know don't seem to be in big rushes to toilet train) but it doesn't mean it's wrong. Some kids will be ok to train at 2, then there will be kids like the one I know who were 'trained' at 2.6 and the mum had to bring spare pants and trousers everywhere she went for at least a year because of accidents.

Swipe left for the next trending thread