to tell DP to get public transport and go home

[cakedup]

DP is usually great but not so much when he has had a drink.

He kept telling me to fuck off when we were in bed last night so I slept on the sofa. Then this morning he came and started on me because I was on the sofa and he said it was weird the cats were sleeping on me. He kept going on and said it's over between us but I know he doesn't mean that. He kept mimicking me and then accused me of crocodile tears. I couldn't stand it any longer so I went out for a walk, luckily he was asleep when I got back.

It's going to be unbearable today. He will carry on being a dick until he sobers up and then he will apologise profusely. I just want to be left alone today but feel I'm stuck unless he takes the tube to his house, I can't ask him to do that can I?

Just to echo what the others say.

Of course he ‘remembers’ it the next day. Most people recall their drunk actions. It’s a cop out to say he doesn’t.

Your son will be aware and you’re teaching him it’s ok to treat partners like this. Maybe not deliberately but that’s the message.

The alcohol does not make him abusive. He is abusive. You don't deserve to be abused. Try Al Anon to regain some perspective.

He can use the tube, plenty of people use it daily for work. Tell him to pack his bags and go!

He could get an Uber across London?

As PP said, he could get a taxi. Either way, it's his business how he travels.

I just want to be left alone today

Life will be better free of this man every day.

He sounds awful. I hope you have told him to leave you deserve more.

Solidarity, OP. Sometimes it takes a while to see the truth. Hope you can get him out today. If you need more encouragement please post photos of your cats and we will all tell you how much nicer they are than your nasty drunk of a boyfriend!

Tell him to leave. His face covering is his own business. Why are you putting up with him treating you so badly in your own home?? He sounds horrible.

I hope your ok OP.

No he never acts this way in front of DS. Even if he is in the middle of having a go at me when drunk (which he does quietly so DS doesn't hear) if DS comes in to the room he shuts up immediately

This is even worse. Shows he CAN control it but he chooses not to. He doesn't care about upsetting you. Please get rid of him. His behaviour is ramping up.

You deserve so much better.

His civil mask has fallen off less than 3 months after moving in. That is bad.

Resentment of animals is a bad sign. Especially when those animals came first.

Getting drunk knowing he gets abusive is doubly bad with a 15 year old in the house.

It's been less than 3 months. It's early days. Get rid of bad rubbish before he gets even more enmeshed in your life and harms you or DS any further, because harm is being done.

Would he have cared about you travelling on the tube without a mask last night?

Please, never let him darken your doorstep agaiin.

@converseandjeans

Maybe go and speak to DS and let him know what you're planning to do? He's old enough to be told. It wouldn't be nice for him to be woken up by the kerfuffle. If you decide against it - next time record him. Then you can show him how horrible he is. Would you want DS or a friend being spoken to like this? Please do get rid though.

This is a good idea. There was a thread earlier this year by a brave woman who escaped an abusive partner. The first day they woke up in their safe home her son turned to her and said it was like a dream, because he was so happy. Your son deserves that, too.

The fact that he will stop if your D'S walks in to the room means that he can control It, he can help himself, so he CHOOSES to be like this to you.

Stop making excuses for him and get him gone.

I'm sure the trains will be near empty later on tonight. It's not the trains which are infected, it's the people. Tell him to go

Yes, I agree with pp who say you should tell your DS what you are going to do, you need all the support you can get at the moment.

Can you get to his keys? I imagine he has a set of your door keys on his key ring. Would save a lot of aggro if you took them off his key ring now.

Please look in to freedom programme OP. Alcohol doesn’t make people abusive. Being abusive is a choice and he is just using alcohol as an excuse. The fact that he can control it when your son walks in the room is proof that he knows exactly what he is doing. Get him gone you deserve better.

Whatever you do, don't marry him.

Apology without change is manipulation.

And by the way, your DS knows exactly what's going on, and at some point, being a15 year old will challenge your partner , and sadly your DS will probably come off physically worse.

Great idea @viques re getting the keys now.

@viques

Can you get to his keys? I imagine he has a set of your door keys on his key ring. Would save a lot of aggro if you took them off his key ring now.

Yes, yes. Do this now. And don’t tell him.

Wait until he's up and in the apologetic phase, it will be easier to get him to leave. If he gets abusive, call the police.

The thing about stroking your cats, I recognize that. So controlling and jealous that he gets jealous about you showing a cat affection. I'd be worried that he would harm the cats to get at you. I'd also be very worried about how much your dc's are seeing.

Ok, hopefully he's already gone and you got the key back.

You can do better than that. He sexualised a cat? 🤢 he's the weird one. Belittles you, abuses you. He can get the tube and you block and delete him and spend the rest of this time having fun with DS.

I bet when he's gone DS will breathe a huge sigh of relief.

Let us know you're ok OP.