to tell DP to get public transport and go home

[cakedup]

DP is usually great but not so much when he has had a drink.

He kept telling me to fuck off when we were in bed last night so I slept on the sofa. Then this morning he came and started on me because I was on the sofa and he said it was weird the cats were sleeping on me. He kept going on and said it's over between us but I know he doesn't mean that. He kept mimicking me and then accused me of crocodile tears. I couldn't stand it any longer so I went out for a walk, luckily he was asleep when I got back.

It's going to be unbearable today. He will carry on being a dick until he sobers up and then he will apologise profusely. I just want to be left alone today but feel I'm stuck unless he takes the tube to his house, I can't ask him to do that can I?

So he can control himself, he won't.
He moves in and then becomes abusive.
Why do you feel your responsible for his lack of self control?

I can only echo what other people say. This is not a nice man, and his abuse will only get worse. I would also imagine that he has said and done much worse than you can admit. If things continue, you will likely do up losing your cats and your son. Your lovely 15 year old boy will be a 17 year old young man in a couple of years, and he is not going to stick around to see you treated this way. He will leave, always knowing that you chose a bully over him.

Do you know why he stops abusing you when your son walks into the room, op? It's because he is trying to keep his abuse of you private. He doesn't want someone you love giving you a different picture of him than the gaslighting one he holds up to you. He knows exactly what he is doing, for the love of God, get rid!

Sorry - I didn’t mean to hit send!
There is support for women leaving abusive relationships - women's Aid, the Freedom Programme. You have your own home, so you are in a better position than a lot of women. This isn’t your fault, it is his, but it is up to you to try and end things and move on.

Why are you with this man? Sleeping on the sofa in your own place. Tell him to go home, delete his number and get a life with someone that treats you properly .

Someone who turns into a nasty bastard when they drink, harms other with what they say when they drink, dismisses their behaviour when drink as “oh I didn’t mean it” but won’t stop or curtail their drinking, has a drink problem.
Has he accused you of being sensitive yet when you say his behaviour isn’t ok and you find it upsetting, because he will and he’ll keep going.
I’ve been in the same position as you and I’ve seen some of my friends in similar positions. Sorry but you have a bigger issue than how he gets home, which incidentally is not your problem, and unless you live together, at the moment he shouldn’t be there anyway:

Total twat.
Ditch him.

Stop making excuses for him ffs.
He’s an abusive twat.
Don’t want him to take the tube home incase he catches something? Why should that be your problem after how he’s treated you?
He belittles you?
He shuts up when your son walks in the room? Then he knows damn well what he’s doing and doesn’t want a witness to his abuse.
You say your son doesn’t know anything? Are you stupid? Course he does. Your showing your son this is how a man treats a woman.
Wake up and get him out or you will end up being severely abused and losing your son. For the record my dad was lovley when sober, when drunk was a whole different story, like someone else said drunks don’t lie.

What's worse than spending 2 years with an abusive drunk?
Spending 2 years and one day.

Your DS knows, and I'm concerned he may have some things to tell you when he knows that this nasty alcoholic is gone.

Look at it this way, by covering up how vile he is and allowing him to continue as normal, you are ENABLING him to continue. Kicking him out is the ONLY thing you can do that might influence him to change. (He won't though.)

Please speak to your DS, at length, about all of this. He deserves a full and frank convo where you explain how wrong and messed up this has all been.

Hoping that your DS has helped you to get this piece of rubbish out of your home.

@cakedup

Ullupullu we were both up til around 4am. Then he woke me at 6am to have a go at me, he was still very drunk.

It always starts the same way. We'll be listening to music, mostly his choice, and then when I choose to put on music he'll start criticizing it, saying it's shit, I just know it's downhill from then on.

You are becoming ok with this and you shouldn’t be. You can’t need someone in your life to the extent you’ll excuse this. I think you know what to do xxx

Staying with an abusive drinker like this by choice is unthinkable. You can’t want that for yourself and to be honest I agree with what was posted earlier re the fact that allowing him to do to you this means he’ll never change.

Come on girl wake him up, ask him to leave and if he won’t then consider that an act of aggression and call the police or a friend to assist.

Get your self esteem back and move on to something that serves you better xxx

And he won't get covid on the way home. The virus is killed by alcohol, remember, and he must be at least 70% alcohol.

You've told him what he's like when drunk, yet he still drinks.

I was happy when I saw he doesn't live with you, don't let him move in, even better to dump him, who cares what your family thinks if they know him, tell them you couldn't put up with his drinking.

We'll be listening to music, mostly his choice, and then when I choose to put on music he'll start criticizing it, saying it's shit, I just know it's downhill from then on.
His choice of music.... your choice of music is shit.
Out he goes..... corona or no corona.

See you in a year when you start a new post about how things are worse. And he's like it when sober now, but only when he's stressed out and you've done something to annoy him. And you've no longer got your cats. And he's suggesting your son should spend more time at his dads so you get more time alone together...

At 15 your DS knows, I guarantee he dislikes him but it keeping quiet for your sake.

What happens when your DS he decides he's had enough or the abuse escalates and he intervenes? You're living in a volatile environment, set your DS a good example and get rid.

It always starts the same way.
You casually normaiise abusive behaviour.

I expect his bad behaviour is actually much wider than this.

Is your place much nicer than his place?

He can control himself, he chooses not to. He knows that he’s an abusive arse when drunk, he chooses to drink to excess.

What’s he going to be like when your DS leaves home? He’ll have no reason to control himself then.

I’m sorry but there’s no point throwing away a perfectly good future for the sake of two years. Two years is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I am amazed that first of all you allowed this man to throw you out of your own bed then has a go about you over your cats and choice of music in your own home. Kick him out. He can get back on public transport with a mask. Plenty of people are using it. He doesn't sound like someone you should marry as no doubt he will get 10 times worse.

How often does your son walk in when he's having a drunken go at you? Do you not think your son knows, and deliberately walks in because he knows it will stop your partner? Your son is protecting you. At 15!

I didn’t realise you had a son.

Your son doesn't have a choice, you do. Whilst I love my mother I will never forgive the fact that she made the choice to stay with an abuser. We witnessed awful things, were abused ourselves at his hands and even now we pick up the pieces every few months or so when he decides to continue.

You have a choice. This man is abusive and you know it.

Why accept that for you or your son? What can this abuser give you that you can’t give yourself or your son?

This man has layers you haven’t even seen yet. His implied reference and anger to his sick thought that you are getting off sexually via your cat is just a hint of what’s to come.

Get him away from you and your boy now. If you don’t at the very minimal you’ll have a a shit life, you’ll ruin your sons life and be unhappy for years to come....that is the stark reality.

If he was being abusive to your son would you be okay with it? If not, why are u okay with him doing it to you? Woman up, tell him it's over and he needs to go (for you, your DS and Dcats ). Know your worth x

My ex was like this. Divorcing the abusive pisshead was the best thing I ever did, even if it did cost me a fortune.

Chuck him out, bin him off, and move on.

No he never acts this way in front of DS. Even if he is in the middle of having a go at me when drunk (which he does quietly so DS doesn't hear) if DS comes in to the room he shuts up immediately.

This means that he is in complete control of what he says to you and knows when it is inappropriate. Think on that for a while, I don't know hiw you could come to any other conclusion than that he is deliberately abusing you and he knows it.

Get rid of this low life and don't let him back!