To ask if you've ever ended a friendship

[022828MAN]

Did you officially 'dump' them or just limit contact until it naturally faded out?

A long standing friendship has just become toxic. We have very different political views (which is something I usually welcome in friendships) however it has spilled over to the point I feel our general morals just don't aline anymore.
This friend gets very frustrated when people don't agree with her and has negative traits that I just don't feel a want in my life anymore.

I don't necessarily want to upset this person as I don't think she deserves that, so not sure actually talking about it will get anywhere (plus she isn't someone to reason with so don't think it'd be a mature, rational conversation), so would it be too strange to just let the friendship phase out by restricting contact, delaying replying etc?

Yep, just allow it to fade out naturally, and become unavailable. I have done this if people become toxic to me. You need to protect your mental well being.

Yes, but it is sometimes not easy.

I had a close friend who was forever pushing and increasingly taking advantage of me.
I tried to slowly disengage, fade out naturally which sent her into a rage over a year, I eventually ghosted her- I am not proud, but by that time she was telling my OH and emailing me about the " piece of her mind" she was about to inflict upon me.

Yes, I told her I never wanted to hear from her again, and I have no regrets.

The woman who was supposedly my best friend took against me for falling in love with a guy and "betraying" lesbianism. She also told me I had a "Jew fetish", all the while claiming to be a benevolent anti-bigot. If I allowed myself to give it too much thought, it would enrage me and depress me.

speakout

Yes, I am concerned about it going that way. I've had disagreements with this friend before and she can be very cutting and cruel (I'm wondering now why I've put up with it so long), and she was recently very nasty to a mutual friend during a disagreement.
I'm thinking to pull away and if she gets hostile block! It's a shame as it's been a long friendship but I'm not willing to be verbally abused for the sake of politeness.
As blubberball said, we've got to put our MH first!

I have.
I had friend of over 20 years, she'd always been a bit of a disaster (with money, men etc) and generally treats people horrendously but she had, at times, been a really kind and supportive friend to me.
She plummeted enormously about 5 years ago, I tried to support her and even cared for her child when she couldn't cope but she let herself into my house one day and stole something enormously sentimental to me.
Our friendship was over instantly. I now occasionally bump into her but I removed her from social media, took her no off my phone etc and I have never regretted it.

Yes, once maaany years ago. It came to a big blow and I officially dumped the friendship. Told her I never want to see her or hear from her again. Never regreted it. She was a spoiled brat who thought the world owed her smth and an emotional succubus. Sorry you are going through this.

A couple of times and they haven't been missed

No I dumped them. Realised it's nothing but drama with them and it was very one sided. I actually did it more as a "new year new me" strategy and I haven't heard from any of them since I deleted them off everything and stopped contact.

I don't miss them either

I did. The woman was literally cross with me that i hadnt responded to a whatsapp sooner. I felt like it was too much. We werent in a relationship! I had too many demands on my time and she had almost no demands on her time.

Yes. My best friend. We became friends in school and stayed really close after. I began to realise she was just out for herself and we had a massive falling out over her using another friend of ours. We talked it out eventually but the friendship fizzled out very soon after.

Also another friend who was and still is the most self centred person I've ever met. He called me a selfish bitch because he was being a drama queen. We stopped talking for years. We reconnected on fb a few years back, I though had had matured with age but he showed his true colours again eventually. So it's over again for the second time. I regret letting him back in my life.

Yes, quite recently. A close online friend of who disagreed with a choice I made recently, but the reason why we came to blows was because she quite rude and insulting about it. It became clear she was trying to control me.

I m seriously thinking about it due to our totally different viewpoints about lockdown and the end of it. I never knew she was such a self centred attention seeker and a horrible drunk. With wine in her she s a monster.

God, all the time. If friends stop enhancing my life I tend to cut them loose pretty quickly. I am a bit of a sociopath though, so this might not work for everyone.

In a situation where I feel like I have turned the tables.

I was cruelly ghosted at a really horrendous time by a close friend

Since then she tries to make contact and to try and find out about me from other people and try and pretend we are still friends. I don't respond whatsoever.

I have started to feel like the dumper rather than dumpee, as I couldn't care less and she is obviously desperate for my attention.

Gosh it's sad there's so many soul suckers out there but glad to hear so many people are putting themselves first and not putting up with it anymore! The person I'm thinking of is never complimentary about anyone, she must be deeply unhappy in her own life.

Yes. No regrets. We had various heart to hearts but honestly I didn't like them anymore (and they didn’t like me I don’t think). We shared very little common values, interests or politics. Really wasn’t worth the constant drama.

I have done recently. I forgave a lot of poor behaviour, I felt like her mum.

I spent hours listening to her woes, her mental health issues. I arranged all meetings etc.

I stopped doing it and she made no contact first in almost a year. I sent her message on Facebook explaining why I was ditching her due to her shoddy behaviour.

As predicted later that day out comes another woe is me and why don't I have any friends post popped up on her open profile.

Don't miss her and my mental health is better without her.

I ended a friendship earlier this year. We used to work together and had become quite close. She’d made a few bitchy comments during our friendship that I brushed off, but she also had a particular view that I really couldn’t get onboard with and would try to lecture me about it. I didn’t really want to be around her any more and then realised actually no - people can disagree on films and books and hobbies and all kinds of things, but I don’t want any friends that disagree with my stance on human rights issues. I understand some people can switch that off but I absolutely can’t. In the end I just removed her from all social media and explained politely that I thought it was best we don’t speak any more. I see her around town and say hello but we are most certainly not friends. I can imagine a long friendship with a messier ending would be a lot harder though.

As I’ve got older, I’m maybe less tolerant.
If a friendship isn’t working for whatever reason, I may try to fix it but otherwise I tend to move on.
Friends who never made the effort to contact me and expect me to always contact them, friends who have endless issues and really need counselling, Friends who never ask how I am, just talk endlessly about themselves... I’ve had enough of those types of friendships.

Yes about 15 years ago, told her straight. Have just recently found out our kids know each other through xbox/football and are about to go to the same high school

I’ve done both- had “the talk” and slowly faded away. The talk didn’t lead to anything good tbh so I’d probably just fade away if that was at all possible.

Yes I had to be direct limiting contact wouldn't work with this person, it was hard but such a relief.

Yes, but ended up just not replying to their texts and then moved house and didn't give them my new address. Never really had a conversation. They had become very self absorbed and it was always on their terms and just not a healthy relationship for me at the time. I do feel bad though for effectively ghosting them though, as they had helped me out during a difficult time. But I don't miss them. If I bumped into them I like to think would try and explain and apologise, but would probably make excuses so I didn't have to meet up with them again.

I reply if they specifically get in contact but stop initiating any conversations etc.

If I see them in public then it isn’t so awkward.