To ask if you've ever ended a friendship

[022828MAN]

Did you officially 'dump' them or just limit contact until it naturally faded out?

A long standing friendship has just become toxic. We have very different political views (which is something I usually welcome in friendships) however it has spilled over to the point I feel our general morals just don't aline anymore.
This friend gets very frustrated when people don't agree with her and has negative traits that I just don't feel a want in my life anymore.

I don't necessarily want to upset this person as I don't think she deserves that, so not sure actually talking about it will get anywhere (plus she isn't someone to reason with so don't think it'd be a mature, rational conversation), so would it be too strange to just let the friendship phase out by restricting contact, delaying replying etc?

I have. She was toxic.
Shortly afterwards I received contact from social services with allegations of neglect and abuse from me to my dc. Certain things I’d told her as a test were mentioned- and those things were never mentioned to anyone else, nothing incriminating but details of my apparent health.
I quite willingly let them check out my background, encouraged them to talk with health visitors and school and come visit if they wished. They called back the following day told me it was a malicious call and case closed.
I’m happy to have seen the back of her. She also reaches out from different social media accounts which I just block. No interest in someone like that

Yep - best thing I've ever done.

She's a keyboard warrior and continually slags me off on numerous social media accounts, years on.

Have no regrets.

Same here OP, long standing friendship became toxic so I faded them out . I decided there would be no point in talking to them as they both think they are perfect. My DH had an accident a few years ago & isn’t the same person as he used to be, although supportive at first they seemed to think this gave them the upper hand in our friendship. Fuck that, I have boundaries of steel & never ever allow people to treat me, or my DH, with disrespect.

Years ago I had a friend who got angry with me on a night out for not “entertaining” a man enough. She was trying to get his mate into bed and felt that I should be having sex with this other random to keep him occupied and allow her to carry on. The word “frigid” was mentioned as I recall.
I realised that she’d spent the last few years of our friendship slowly disappearing up her own arse, she had no idea what was going on in my life and going out for “drinks and a catch up” involved sitting listening to an endless “me Myself and I” monologue.
I’ve never seen her since. It took her a while to realise I was not talking to her anymore but when she did she pestered relentlessly. Eventually I had to just state that the friendship was over and she should stop contacting me.
No loss.

I first did this with someone I studied with. She was a total and utter slut, and ended up marrying an extremely odd person 20 years later. I've done this to one other person who was vile to my DD. I will not put up with anyone-anyone- ruining her life. I am in the process of doing it at the moment with two people who I have little in common with but unfortunately think they are the boss of me and our joint friends. Those are going to be awkward for a few years but they'll be a fade away.

I have and it was hard but was the right decision. She made up very serious stories about people and in my opinion was quite a dangerous person. I didn’t see it at first, when people used to mention it, but when I did see it that was it and I knew I could never be friends with her again!

Backed away quickly from one friend after a realisation she didn't want our dc socialising...
Actually emailed another friend spelling out why I had to end our friendship.. Neither way was pleasant but def necessary for me..
No regrets at all.

TakemetoGreeceplease this has happened to me, my DS is best buddies with an ex friend of mine, out of 180 boys they somehow hit it off, my life became much simpler without this ex friend in it and now 15 years later she’s back.

Best buddies with ex friends DS that’s should read.

If it's a friend who I know very well then yes I tell them my reasons and walk away Nd dont engage in any further conversation.

If it's a friend but more casual, hardly really known them more of an acquaintance then I just block them.

Yep! Literally walked out of their house in a foreign country and had to use google translate to ask a neighbour to help me call a taxi to the airport so i could fly home. It was a very controlling and toxic friendship which I was totally blind to for a very long time and it took something massive to make me see it but I am so glad I did! It hurts like hell but you have to do it for a happier future. I look back to the type of person I was during our friendship and I cringe!

Yes just recently. Over a year of different little things that made me feel like shit or in one case my friend and my sister feel like shit when I'd just introduced them. Id had a milestone life event ruined because of their actions where I went home early in tears. Individually the other small acts wouldnt be that big a deal but altogether I had just had enough and realised i didnt need that in my life when I've enough good friends.

I made excuses over the year when trying to stay friends as I'd known this friend since childhood but I've come to realise that wasnt a reason to stay friends after a year of trying.

I told her how she'd made me feel and wished her well but our friendship is over and I dont regret it.

I'm not like majority on here who have interminable patience and forgiveness for the sake of a friendship . Once a line has been crossed I find it very difficult to go back . It's never the same for me.

I was friendly with someone I met through a sport. She seemed so friendly and bubbly at first but gradually over time she would throw in nasty little comments to belittle me.

She would turn up at my house unannounced and sit around for hours constantly talking about herself and bitching about everyone in her life.

She eventually showed her true colours and I decided she wasnt a very nice person & slow ly faded her out.

I've let a couple of people just fade out of my life by no longer making plans to see them. They'd become so self-absorbed it was ridiculous!

I've also just stopped making an effort to chat with people who I suspect were/are bitchy behind my back - I still bump into them in group settings sometimes, so I say hello and chat to other people! If they come over to me, I'm nice, but I don't make any effort to be friends.

I've recently realised that I have nothing in common with an old and very nice friend. I still think she's a lovely person, but truthfully, I find her boring - and I feel horrible thinking that. Luckily we don't live close to each other, but used to make an effort to meet up. She may feel that same way about me so it'll naturally fade.

19:37Andahelterskelterroundmylittle. I am very similar.
The 2 friends I dumped were my last 2!

Yes. I personally felt like I was being taken for granted. X person cancelled on me three times in a row, yet threw a birthday party for someone she wasn't super close to and I was hurt. There were also a few other things that added up for me. It didn't feel the same anymore.

I stopped coming to meet ups if it wasn't something I wanted to do + stopped messaging.

I'm ghosting someone right now I've not taken her off my facebook yet but that will be the next step because I feel guilty but for the last 14 ish years I've supported her with everything she tried to support me to a little when I went through a tough time but honestly her rage was exhausting especially when I wanted someone to listen to me but in the last five years she has

Hired me to clean her really really filthy home and not paid me (I had to use actual acid to turn the toilet anything close to white)

Ive cleaned the home for free several times

I've done her garden

Interveined with social services both childrens and adult

Spent hours on the phone listening to her giving her advice only for her to completely ignore me when she finds someone who can help her only to come back and complain when they ditch her due to her shenanigans

Given her money paid for her driving test only to find she didnt even take it she just took my money

She gets way more money than me she just spends it all no idea on what because she runs out every week for years I've been trying to get her to clean up after herself budget her money not scream at social services she has done it again I've had enough I cant cope she rang to ask me for £3000 I havent got it she asked if I could give her a caravan to live in I was like umm no I dont have one she is going to be evicted apparently for not paying her rent despite having smoke amounts of money for rent because she NEVER pays her Bill's she practically hung up on me because I wont help her and my advice has been the same you need to get a job your NT daughter needs to get a job opposite shifts so you can still look after your autistic daughter kept below a certain amount you will still get your carers allowance NO! She wont even entertain it

I'm done

I have been ghosted by what I regarded a close friend. She stopped answering my texts and has never text me to see how I was doing with my new baby. We were close and helped one another during tough times. Then she broke contact. Hand on heart I don't know why, what I've done or said. Should I get in touch to ask what I've done? If you ghosted someone would you have given then a reason if they asked? I don't want the friendship back, I just want to know what happened!

Sometimes it runs its course. I let a friend go. Just reduced contact. All one sided phone calls etc. Just odd text now.

I did about 18 months ago- I realised how one sided the friendship was and how all the effort came from me. The crunch came when she cancelled a weekend away with a lie & then that same weekend posted pictures of herself out with other people on Facebook. It was the final straw. Fuck that shit!!!

I did and 10 years later I still regret what happened. I had been dumped (and cheated on) by my fiancé and was absolutely heartbroken. My best friend of almost 20 years starting socialising with ex fiancés sister about a week after the break up, despite having only just met them and I just couldn’t get over it. I told her she was disloyal and I didn’t want anything else to do with her. Looking back, I had no right to ask her not to see them I guess. I contacted her after a year or so, and again about 3 years ago but never got a reply.

I think about her often and regret how it played out even after all this time.

Yep. I had a friend that was actually quite hard work, although didn't realise it at the time. Would be on the phone for hours always complaining about the same thing (her OH) anyway, one half term while I was enjoying time off with my dc I dared not to answer the phone... and from that came a whole load of abuse about how I'm never there for her and how she really needed to chat, I told her my dc needed me more... she didn't get it and continued to try and make me feel guilty! I told her I'm done and she's a spoilt brat... I quickly blocked her number and off all social media, I have to say that day it felt like the weight lifted off my shoulders. I now stand by you hang out with people that pick you up, not drag you down

@toastiemaker
I would. Just because I am nosey and it would do my head in not knowing.
What do you have to lose? Beware of going down a rabbit hole though

I've been the dumper and dumpee. I ended a friendship because they believed a lie about me. They were prepared to forgive me for the thing that had supposedly happened but I couldn't be friends with someone who thought I'd do such a thing.

The other one someone told me our friendship had run its course and moved on. On the phone call I was about to ask her to be my DC's godmother. So that was a surprise and a wake up call!