To ask if you've ever ended a friendship

[022828MAN]

Did you officially 'dump' them or just limit contact until it naturally faded out?

A long standing friendship has just become toxic. We have very different political views (which is something I usually welcome in friendships) however it has spilled over to the point I feel our general morals just don't aline anymore.
This friend gets very frustrated when people don't agree with her and has negative traits that I just don't feel a want in my life anymore.

I don't necessarily want to upset this person as I don't think she deserves that, so not sure actually talking about it will get anywhere (plus she isn't someone to reason with so don't think it'd be a mature, rational conversation), so would it be too strange to just let the friendship phase out by restricting contact, delaying replying etc?

Yes told her exactly why too and she wasn't happy (truth hurts) we were in a friendship group of four from college for over 20 years,other friends cut contact too off their own backs after she tried to bitch about me to them and they told her everything I'd said was true.Just over 6 years later now and don't miss the drama at all.

Yes, and she was the one who ended it abruptly. A friend of 50 years (yes, 50) suddenly began implying she knew 'bad things' about my DH's past, things she wouldn't elaborate on nor explain, just 'dark hints'. She also started telling me bizarre things about her son that I just couldn't believe. I finally got sick of defending and deflecting and put DH on speakerphone and told her she needed to 'threaten him with exposure' if he didn't fess up to these 'dark things'. He asked her what the hell she thought she was playing at she started spluttering and hung up the phone. I got a text message about 10 minutes later that said she had 'deleted my contact details'. OK, fine.

She's always been a bit of a fantasist, but it was usually only about her own life, not about mine. And yes, I realize that perhaps she had the beginnings of dementia, but since she lives 2000 miles from me there's not much I can do to help her. She has family for that.

Yes, I had a very close friend and ex work colleague who I ended our friendship with after she betrayed mine and my mums trust and privacy.

My parents marriage ended after 25 years, it was messy. My then partner (now haunts) and I were living in our family home in Wales to save for a deposit while my parents were living and working in London. My mum can back to Wales and moved back in to the house and was in a mess.
At the same time, my friend was having a lot of problems. It was January, and she was off sick with stress and not getting paid more than SSP and struggling to pay for anything but her mortgage and council tax. She couldn’t heat her house, pay for fuel or feed herself. My mum suggested that we invite her to stay as we had plenty of room. I agreed partly because it meant my mum would have some company while I was at work. My friend was quite a bit older than me, and was sort of half way in age between me and my mum so she became friends with my Mum too. Mum confided a LOT of stuff to my friend, really personal stuff about her marriage, drinking too much and things she didn’t want to talk to me about. Eventually, my friend returned to work, and moved back to her house. Her mobile had been switched off when she couldn’t pay the bill so I had to wait for her to call me.
In April, I answered the phone to an old work colleague who was a mutual friend and still worked with my friend. There had been a works night out and my friend had attended and my old colleague thought I should know that my so called friend had been telling anyone that would listen (and who knew me!) really intimate details about my mum and dads relationship and complaining all sorts about being used as a unpaid skivvy while she had to move in to supervise my alcoholic mother (totally untrue - although my mum was drinking too much, she did nearly all the cooking and cleaning herself - a lifetime of OCD doesn’t disappear overnight because of a shit husband - in fact it got worse).

There were too many things that I did this colleague knew about that I did know my mum had told my friend for it not to be true.
So when she next phoned I called her out - and she lied and said she hadn’t spoken to anyone at that night out and that she’d been ignored by everyone. I told her not to call me again until she was prepared to tell me the truth and apologise. She got her mum to call me to try and make me believe her, but when I told her mum all the things my work colleague had told me she’s been gossiping about she admired that my friend most likely had done what I accused her of, but that she’s never admit it. I said in that case, tell her not to bother calling me again. She didn’t, and good riddance. She’s totally lost my trust and respect and there was no going back after that.

I ghosted. She tried to destroy every relationship I had ad when I met my now DH she said some things about my past (in front of him AND my parets) with the sole purpose of trying to break us up. And the next day he did break up with me.
We sorted things out and obviously it turned out fine but I never answered her calls after that,

I have a friend like this but i can't cut her out for complicated reasons..( too outing) distance is therefore the best i can hope for.

I have. I just allowed contact to reduce and reduce until there was none. It was the right thing to do, she became a different person to my school best friend that she once was.

Gah...reading this makes me realise that many friendships are overrated and that quality over quantity is important when it comes to friendships.

I properly cut someone out once. Not my typical MO but I don’t regret it.

He let me down when I needed a friend (I was going through some very difficult stuff) and I couldn’t find the strength to deal with his behaviour at the time. He was making the situation all about him when it had nothing to do with him.

A few years ago he got in touch and tried to reconcile and I explained why I’d felt I had to cut him out but he refused to acknowledge he’d done anything wrong so I didn’t bother to rekindle the friendship.

Yes and it broke my heart but it was the right thing to do and I’ve had no regrets and will never have any regrets.

I ended a friendship last year because I realised that she had turned in to a gossip and had become quite obsessive about what other people were doing in their lives.

@packamac, how do you asssess if somebody is enhancing your life?

Yep and I wish I'd done it sooner.. Vile, toxic woman.
I don't see it as a big falling out, rather that the friendship had expired.

Actually as I’ve got older I’ve come to value quality friendships over quantity and have taken active measures to nurture the good ones.

I distanced myself from an ex-friend who was very jealous of my wedding (made rude comments about it to anyone who would listen - still ate the meal and drank the booze I provided for her though, didn’t she) and then it escalated to her just putting me down any chance she got. She tried to apologise when it all came to a head but it was way past salvaging for me, so I ghosted her and blocked her on any form of communication.
It hurt a little that one of our mutual friends chose her “side” - pathetic given that we were all late twenties at the time - and I have no idea what lies she believed but clearly, if she believed them, she wasn’t a real friend either.
I’m much happier without them both, with true friends by my side.
When you’ve spent time with a real friend, you should leave feeling uplifted and loved. If you leave their company feeling worse than when you arrived, that’s not a friendship.

Yes, told her to not contact me again.

Yup. I'm choosy with friends. The ones I have know they're special, and I know the feeling's mutual. Real friendship feels amazing. No substitutes.

I’ve been on both sides. Some friends I have reduced contact or pared back to written contact via email or messenger. Mainly because I felt used in the friendships. I was the friend they’d ring to cry about a boyfriend while they’d socialise and post photographs out and about with others. I’m a good listener but I’d like a balance if they were up to it.
On the other hand, I met an ex colleague who I also considered a friend, a couple of years after I left the company. She suggested meeting up and then proceeded to inform me that we were never friends. I was hurt and confused at the time but in hindsight relieved as she is a gossip and it is much better not to be the subject of her gossip.

I cut my Bf out my life recently, she did some truly awful things in the lead up to my wedding and on the day cant forget.

Unfortunately i have kinda lost my friend group now as she is the ring leader and nobody wants to upset her, they all think i should have done nothing as that just her and she doest mean it, i disagree she cant see anyone else happy as she miserable with her own life.I

She has shown true vile colours and has been trying to dig dirt on me from my past and tell our friends group, we all have a past and i was manipulated in to stealing something by a older man. went to prison but was released after a week w hen the full manipulation was discovered!

They feel they dont know me after 10 year friendships, and this happened 20 years ago! i havent spoken to them since, so hurt.

DH, kids and family are my life now x

I ended two friendships when I had cancer.
One wasn't a suprise,she was very entitled and selfish and proved me right when I was going through all that.

Another friend never visited me in the whole 11 months of treatment,her last text to me was pop in if you are passing....I replied something like too ill to leave house and am unable to drive at the moment.

Sadly, Lockdown and the whole shit storm that has come with it, seems to have shown a lot of people’s true colours, and made it clear exactly who you can rely on in a crisis/times of need.

It’s certainly a time, when your mental and physical well-being, has taken a battering, to reflect on who & what matters.

I’ve ended long-standing friendships over the past few months: the free-loaders, the p*ss takers... all gone from my life. Long overdue, but I put up with stuff and helped where needed.

I only now realise, how free & refreshing it is, to be liberated from their crap and stress.

Do what you have to do, and focus on yourself and your family (if applicable). Don’t let other people bring you down & zap the life out of you. Good Luck x

Yep, when someone is making snide remarks, not enhancing anyone’s life and generally being immature. Very close friend made a huge drama earlier this year for being left out of a meal out I’d been invited too (she hadn’t, i wasn’t the originator) - so caused a storm about it. Never mind the previous 9 times she’d been asked she’d said no, plus never organised owt herself.
Can not be dealing with drama.

It’s a shame in honesty, we had some fab times - but life is more peaceful now without the drama.

Yes - I have a massive issue with people peddling unhealthy lifestyles (vegan) to children and I pointed out several times how it's not a good lifestyle choice for children. Said friend not happy and I thought it was just easier to end friendship.

I also (really sadly) had to end a friendship with a lovely women who did 'alternative' parenting - so didn't really parent her children properly. DD was scratched by one of her children for the 3rd time, quite deeply. I had to tell her that I didn't want her children to come round again. I actually still miss her, but the kids are more feral than before, so it was the right decision.

Yes.
A few yrs ago, I had 3 very close friends, I considered myself as a very loyal and good friend to all for nearly 10years.
One night, they arranged a dinner out, something we did often, I got to the venue and they all "Ripped me to shreds" over a change in my circumstances. The one time I needed their friendships and support, they all turned their back on me & yet I had supported them all in similar circumstances. I was devestated.

Most recently, someone I considered a good friend (3 yr friendship) spread awful gossip and rumour amongst people I knew, she completely denied this but when I was able to proove it was her, she still denied it-Very embarrasing on her part.
I cut all of them out NC at all the next day

Just fade out. Sometimes you're on different courses and have less and less in common because you're just on different paths.

I had a friend of 15 years who just wore me down, was a complicated situation. I sent her a message explaining my point of view and how she'd made me feel. I expected her to want to talk thing through but instead she launched into an attack on my character, I never replied as I realised she had no empathy or understand of my point of view. My life is better without her in or.