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MNHQ here - should we support the campaign to end ‘rough sex’ defences?

535 replies

JustineMumsnet · 04/06/2020 12:21

Hello

As lots of you will already know because their campaign originated on Mumsnet, the group We Can’t Consent To This has been running a campaign to end ‘rough sex’ defences - and we’d like to know what you think about MNHQ signing up as a supporter of their
campaign.

Their aim is to end a situation in which defendants can claim that the death of or injury to a woman was caused by ‘consensual sex games gone wrong’.

They say:

‘We’ve now found 60 UK women who’ve been killed by men who claim a sex game gone wrong - and in the last 5 years the defence was successful in 7 of the 17 killings of a woman which reached trial, with the man being found not guilty or receiving a manslaughter conviction. We've found many more women injured in what the accused men claim was consensual sexual violence.
Yet more women tell us it’s now commonplace to be assaulted and abused by men they’re dating, with 38% of UK women under 40 reporting being assaulted - choked, slapped, gagged or spat on - in otherwise consensual sex. That equates to 3.6 million women under 40 in the UK who have experienced unbidden violence in sex - and we know that women over 40 experience this too.
We do not believe that women can consent to their grievous injury or death, and will campaign until claiming this is no longer a useful defence.’
We Can’t Consent To This is currently lobbying to tackle these ‘rough sex defences’ by adding amendements to the Domestic Abuse Bill that is going through Parliament, meaning that now is the time to get writing to MPs to encourage them to support the changes.

We'd love to get behind this campaign but as ever we said we’d ask you what you thought - so please let us know by adding your thoughts here or voting YANBU for ‘Yes please I’d like Mumsnet to support this campaign’ and YABU for ‘No, I don’t think Mumsnet should support this campaign’. (Apologies for using the AIBU metric for this but it’s the best way we have at the moment to get a snapshot survey of people who’ve read the OP.)

Big thanks

OP posts:
PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 06/06/2020 09:49

Some people do forget that this is not just about strangulation (even if it more common) .

Ms Connolly had suffered 40 separate injuries, including serious internal trauma, a fractured eye socket and facial wounds, and was bleeding heavily.

She asked for /rough sex can and has been used to defend anything from being raped by 7 men ,to serious injuries, foreign object being inserted in the body, damage to internal objects , cutting/stabbing etc. Women are being tortured,mutilated and killed . That is not a sex game gone wrong.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 06/06/2020 09:52

a fractured spine, multiple rib fractures and a hypoxic brain injury, meaning she was unable to breathe by herself. She also had extensive bruising around her eyes, neck and arms.”

She is suspecteded_ to have died from suffocation, and had suffered cuts and fractures.*

He told police her facial injuries (which included a fractured skull, a brain bleed, multiple bruises and grazes) were from sex they'd had the night before.

I'll stop here. But there are many more cases. This is not sex. This is not even rough sex. This is abuse and murder.

iklboo · 06/06/2020 09:55

Behind this all the way

KitMarlowesCodpieceOfThigh · 06/06/2020 09:58

Yes! Yes, and and yes. It essentially legalises murder during sex.

ChaToilLeam · 06/06/2020 09:59

Yes, absolutely!

TeamLannister · 06/06/2020 10:18

Yes, please support this.

Amberfest · 06/06/2020 10:51

Yes please do!

BlackBucketOfCheese · 06/06/2020 10:55

Yes please.

FannyCann · 06/06/2020 11:19

Being a bit stupid here, but I was looking at the original OP. Are we meant to be voting on this?
I never access mumsnet via my computer/the main website so I never see a voting link. Do I need to do that?

leafyskyline · 06/06/2020 11:32

Yes. A thousands times yes!!

LuaDipa · 06/06/2020 11:42

All women should support this. Please do get involved.

FrauleinF · 06/06/2020 11:45

Emphatically, yes.

MirandaPriestly · 06/06/2020 11:48

Yes a thousand times over!

ArriettyJones · 06/06/2020 11:51

@FannyCann

Being a bit stupid here, but I was looking at the original OP. Are we meant to be voting on this? I never access mumsnet via my computer/the main website so I never see a voting link. Do I need to do that?
The vote is currently standing at 97% in favour from more than 1100 votes, so don’t worry too much.

However, voting is available on the mobile site, if you want to try that.

FannyCann · 06/06/2020 11:58

Thank Arrietty

So Sawdustformy pony found a way to vote several times....

Smilethoyourheartisbreaking · 06/06/2020 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittlePeepoToy · 06/06/2020 12:13

Absolutely support this

ginginchinchin · 06/06/2020 12:14

Absolutely 100% yes.

Pashazade · 06/06/2020 12:36

Yes

ErrolTheDragon · 06/06/2020 12:51

I never access mumsnet via my computer/the main website so I never see a voting link. Do I need to do that?

It's not available in the tablet apps, but you should be able to open the link in a browser on a tablet to vote (and also use the browser version do things like send and receive private messages which aren't supported in the app at the moment )
I'm sure you'll need to log in to vote so you'll need to know what email you registered with and the password (though of course that can be reset if joule forgotten)

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3928793-MNHQ-here-should-we-support-the-campaign-to-end-rough-sex-defences

susanB86 · 06/06/2020 19:27

So do we have a petition yet on the government website??

gingganggooleywotsit · 06/06/2020 20:05

please @JustineMumsnet we really need you to get behind this. The more publicity the better, it really sickens me that this has become normalised

BoreOfWhabylon · 06/06/2020 20:37

cpjoli Flowers

symbioticpatriot · 06/06/2020 20:41

Absolutely MNHQ yes please.

ItsNotAGameOfSubbuteoMatthew · 06/06/2020 20:56

100% behind this

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