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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can we have a 'I'm really pissed off that my h turned into a bastard and I had to divorce him and

170 replies

OhioOhioOhio · 03/06/2020 00:52

Now in a single parent' thread?

It seems so unnecessary that he was so mean about everything and he could have just been kind and we could have been happy. Ffs.

OP posts:
Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 05/06/2020 09:14

@OhioOhioOhio

Oh I'm so sorry lovely. You're not with him still are you?

OhioOhioOhio · 05/06/2020 09:21

No. Thanks though. He's long gone. Kind of. He's trying hard to do all sorts of long distance bad stuff that keeps him in the picture. He is honestly a cruel man. I really did think he was kind Martin when I met him.

OP posts:
5LeafPenguin · 05/06/2020 09:36

Ohio glad he's gone. 💐 for you.

TimelyManor · 05/06/2020 09:55

My Martin used to wang on for fucking hours 'teaching'. I would occasionally suggest to him "Would you not like to get into teaching, it's obviously something you're suited to". He did try it, doing a couple of private DJ Wink lessons. The pupils stuck it out for two lessons then never came back ...

OhioOhioOhio · 05/06/2020 10:46

TimelyManor

When did you realise that your Martin was a bastard?

OP posts:
PuckleP · 05/06/2020 11:22

I just hope that OW does the dirty on him so he knows how it feels. He kept saying 'I know how much I've hurt you'. Sorry until you're in my shoes you don't know

TimelyManor · 05/06/2020 11:29

Ohio when I discovered 'fucking Mumsnet' as he called it. I saw posters describing what I was going through and the answers all said that it wasn't normal/nice/etc so I became aware of what he was doing. I started putting up barriers to try and stop him affecting me, that's when he upped his game.

Now that we're apart I can look back over our whole relationship and see the things that weren't right even in the beginning but I didn't question him at the time because I loved him/didn't dare 'rock the boat'/didn't have the confidence to stand up for myself.

Whatsthishappyhorseshit · 05/06/2020 12:04

@PicsInRed your Martin scenario describes how my marriage was exactly. I was screwed over in the divorce and today I'm a shell of the person I used to be. I've lost so much, my home, my pets, and I don't know if I'll ever get over it all. Sad

OhioOhioOhio · 05/06/2020 12:18

It's terrible isn't it? And nobody can ever really see how fucking sneaky they are with their badness. I feel like a really fat shell of a person too.

OP posts:
B1rdbra1n · 05/06/2020 13:34

he's really got it coming hasnt he...that Martin guy😈

TimelyManor · 05/06/2020 13:37

I wish B1rdbra1n, mine got away with it all. Having said that he'll always be the hard done by victim because he's stuck with his personality Grin

MsMeNz · 05/06/2020 13:40

Rage for a bit then turn your internal narrative to one of freedom, hell yeah and heres to the future!... Dont give him more time in your thoughts than he or you deserves!

Celebrate freedom and the future full of possibilities x

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 05/06/2020 16:09

@OhioOhioOhio I'm so glad he's gone Thanks

@Whatsthishappyhorseshit I'm so sorry Cake

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/06/2020 21:25

Martin Grin
I actually hooked up with a bad boy who stayed bad
But I bet the Ex that broke my heart would have turned Martin

thepeopleversuswork

I Am loving lock down without a man
The kids have turned into little feral nights owls 🦉
Which is awful but it means week days I can work and Weekends I get some me time
There is NO WAY I could have done this with Ex

A few people have asked me if I want to date again
GrinGrinGrinGrin

Why the FUCK would I want to get into that shark pool again

TimelyManor · 06/06/2020 10:00

I Am loving lock down without a man

I am SO glad this didn't happen before we split up, it or he would have killed me. I wonder if OW is still enjoying her new life quite so much Grin

1Micem0use · 06/06/2020 10:22

Although we never married I feel I can relate. Feel in love with someone at the tender age of 18. They were different from all the other smelly boys at uni who barely washed and lived off frozen pizza. He could cook, he was genuinely enthusiastic about his course, he was sporty, he had ambition. We talked about a future together. Then after graduation he transformed into a man baby. I was devastated.
I check in every so often out of morbid curiosity. He still lives at home with his mother, works in the local supermarket. Which ofcourse is a valuable key worker role, but why get yourself into debt at university to work on the till? We graduated 5 years ago. This isnt a phase.

Tappering · 06/06/2020 10:56

Martin works in accounts. But he's one of the senior team in the department.

Like Martin, all of them are men, because they understand that the company comes first and that people who work full time are more deserving of promotions. After all, everyone knows that part-timers, usually women, have taken their eye off the ball and aren't career-minded.

Martin agrees with this, and makes sure that the managers who work for him are also men. They are on his wavelength. Plus it makes team-building much easier as it's a pint down the pub where they can banter. Women can be over-sensitive and take things the wrong way. Martin doesn't worry about this because he knows that it's all good fun and just a laugh, but it's easier all round to avoid having a woman as one of his line-reports.

Martin did once have a female manager working for him. Lucy was very efficient but Martin found it uncomfortable because she didn't respect his natural authority. Plus his other managers complained as she was getting better results than them. Martin was a little torn - the better results made him look good - but she also had ideas about changing things which Martin didn't think needed to be changed.

Fortunately Lucy became pregnant and decided not to come back after her maternity leave. She did ask Martin for a flexible working request, but everyone knows that's just an excuse for women to bunk off early to play with their babies. Besides Martin knows that it takes a full-time job away from a man. Luckily Martin's boss also agrees with him, and HR were instructed to turn down the request. Martin knows he did the right thing - it's far better for Lucy to give up her management aspirations and be at home with her baby where she belongs.

Martin does consider himself to be an equal opportunities boss though. Almost all of the admin assistants and accounts clerks in his department are women. Martin thinks this is a good balance, as these are junior roles where it doesn't matter if they are part-time. Martin wouldn't have had an issue if Lucy had asked to come back as a part-time administrator.

Occasionally a trainee or graduate comes through, like Sophie. Martin likes this as it's a change in routine and he enjoys how deferential Sophie is. She recognises his natural authority - unlike his wife.

Sophie is on a fast-track management scheme but Martin doesn't mind this. He knows that in the future Sophie will decide to have babies - at which point she will either stay at home like Lucy, or come back as a part-time administrator. Even if Sophie doesn't have babies, Martin would never put her in his management team. Everyone knows that women can have children at any point and that it's far too much of a risk. Besides, he doesn't want a repeat of the Lucy situation.

It's amazing that so many of his admin assistants and clerks have degrees and previous management experience. Claire, one of his part-time credit controllers, used to run an entire department and once had a job more senior than Martin's! That was before she had her kids though. Martin thinks it's a fantastic result that he has so many qualified people working for him.

Martin knows that he is a good guy and respected in the workplace - all of the women are very nice and respectful of him. It would never occur to Martin to wonder if this deference and respect was due to his employees wanting to protect their employment prospects.

CrowCat · 06/06/2020 13:46

My 'Martin' has got himself a lockdown girlfriend because he was bored and lonely. Not because he wants a fruitful relationship, someone to plan a life with. No. Bored and lonely in lockdown. I bet he put that on his Tinder profile.

Like one of those people who got a lockdown puppy and will no doubt get rid 'through no fault of its own' when normal life resumes.

PicsInRed · 06/06/2020 13:54

Tappering

Outrageously accurate. Fuck you Martin. Hmm

TimelyManor · 06/06/2020 15:03

Indeed.

Martin Manor stayed in the role he was in. He did apply for promotion but wasn't successful. That was nothing to do with his abilities, it was my fault.

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