They are ginger get over it!

[CarrotCakeCrumbs]

I have NC for this. I am so angry at the moment, and fed up, and aware that things could be so much worse and that with everything else that is happening it really doesn't matter in the long run and it really is so petty and ridiculous. However here I am seething because some people are just pig ignorant.

My bf to his knowledge has nobody ginger in his family, infact they are all very adamant that there are no ancestors with ginger hair whatsoever. And yet our two daughters are very, very ginger (as am I). Our eldest is 4.5, our youngest is turning 1 this month. Their hair is unlikely to change. The amount of comments I have had from multiple members of my bfs family has gone beyond a joke now.

Ever since my eldest was born I have had the following comments about both children:
"She's not ginger" - in a voice that implies being ginger would be such a horrific thing to be 🙄
"Oh I think her hair is changing it isn't as red" or "she's losing her redness!" - said in a hopeful voice
"She's turning a shade of beetroot" - in a disappointed voice (also why beetroot??? There are 1000's of lovely ways to describe red hair - beetroot is not one of them 🤬)
"Red hair means crap blood" - eh no...and many more comments.

Every single time we see them, without fail, someone will make at least one comment on our childrens hair. I don't even know why it is such a shock to them - I am ginger! (They do also like to pretend that my children get absolutely none of their traits from me but that's a whole other thread). They wouldn't comment on their hair if it was blonde, or brunette!

I was bullied horrifically through school because of my hair colour, and I am determined that my girls will be proud of theirs. But I feel like I might be fighting a losing battle when certain members of their own family so clearly don't like it.

My boyfriend thinks I am over reacting and that I should just ignore it, but why should I? And why should our daughters have to ignore it? What gives people the right to comment on a hair colour that you are born with and can't bloody change! (I mean you can't change it as a child - I am well aware that adults can dye their hair as I did for years and now my hair is back to it's natural colour but destroyed beyond repair).

Am I being unreasonable to tell people to just not comment on their hair, that it is ginger and they have had almost 5 years to get used to that fact and it is not likely to change any time soon. Or just start making derogatory comments on their appearance when they make the negative comments.

This is awful OP and your partner really needs to sort out his family
and put a stop to this bullying immediately. I have 5DD's - the first 4 were born with very dark hair and various eye colours just like DH and I.Then, along came the youngest with the most beautiful red hair and bright blue eyes.I was thrilled. She is absolutely stunning and as she was growing up I made sure to tell her so and that once she was older she would find that lots of people would give their eye teeth to have hair like hers. [ I also think that red heads don't age as quickly, she's mid 20's now and I hope is happy with her lovely hair!]

I agree with you OP, but the use of ginger as a perjorative term is entrenched, unfortunately.

I have 2 colleagues with ginger hair (one male one female) - both of them dye their hair and both of them do the same 'don't ever call me ginger' schtick.

So rude - totally unacceptable. I'd tell them they were bullies and if it continues I wouldn't take my children to see them.

it is rude to comment on someone's appearance

Oooh, that's a good, simple way to make your feelings known, too.

So get the kids out of the way, then say "It's both rude and hurtful to comment negatively on someone's appearance. Don't ever do that to my children again"

They are stupid people and there is an argument that such comments are based in racism. My redhead daughter has had amazing opportunities in part to her gorgeous red hair - modelling and acting. It’s really stunning. They are fools.

You’re not overreacting at all. I would seriously consider keeping them (your dc) away from those family members. They don’t need to hear that shit from people who are supposed to love them unconditionally

Your bf is a shit for. It backing you up

That is super weird. In my culture red hair is admired.

That said, my MIL also likes to pretend none of my kids' features come from me. One of them has brown eyes and MIL has been wringing her hands trying to figure out if there's a distant uncle or aunt with brown eyes while HELLO I'm the child's brown eyed mama.

*Please dont let them be exposed to this. Like you, I was horribly bullied cos of my hair and it still affects me in adulthood.

People excuse these comments as banter and often genuinely dont seen to think they are insulting, but you and I know that they are.

I don't know why gingerism is still acceptable in the UK, when other isms are not.*

Couldn't agree with this more. When I was pregnant I wished that my kids wouldn't be ginger because I didn't want them to experience the same 'jokes' and comments about parentage that I did.

Beetroots are purple
Ginger hair is beautiful
His family are fucking twats

This should be nipped in the bud ASAP as his fam are going to give your children self esteem issues. They will become aware of the comments a lot younger than we might expect.

My daughter (aged 2) is a surprise redhead No idea where it comes from but all we have had so far are positive comments. Her hair is beautiful, thick and wavy and auburn. People have stopped me in the street to comment on her hair.

I hope she grows up to love her hair as much as I do, and god knows I shall do my best to instil confidence etc. But I do fear the jealous bullies a little when she reaches school age (and the inevitable hair dye when she reaches 14 🙁)

Totally agree with you on this OP.

Genuine question, when and how did it start that someone gets bullied for hair colour. It's unbelievable!

We have ginger in the family and my sister has the most beautiful red hair people often ask her about it now she's older

Tell em to back the fuck off in no uncertain terms; these are children and change the word ginger for anything else and that wouldn't be acceptable.

I never understood all the negativity around red hair. You have ginger hair so its not a surprise that your children have it too. They are idiots. Tell them off next time.

My DS has very red hair. Neither me, DD or DH do. Someone asked me on the school run whether my kids had the same Dad because of the colour of DS’s hair.
Rude!
People always comment on it. I get ‘is he the milkman’s?’ a lot. Yawn.
YANBU OP.

Redhead (and proud), used to be married to a Greek. My children are all redheads, I guess the Greek genes aren't that strong.

It certainly is based in racism - because the English saw red hair as Celtic hair, from Scotland and Ireland. We've spent so long treating red-haired people as outsiders for that reason, the 'jokes' remain but the reasoning behind it is all-but forgotten.

Kick their arses, OP.

If I were you I would remind them, firmly, that you are willing to split up with your bf over this and they won’t have access as frequently then. Also go low contact, don’t share photos, and make it clear why.

Dd is 13 and has got very red hair. I worried a bit before she started school about bullying but she honestly never has been. She's always been quite popular. I wonder if it's a generational thing and kids now are more aware of bullying because they are educated a lot more about it now. She goes to a comp just outside Greater London. I think kids seem to be more aware that being rude about people's appearance isnt on now. I hope your dc have the same experience

People are so wierd.
I absolutely adore red or ginger hair on anyone... I obsessively tried to dye my hair ginger as a teen. It's still quite a reddish colour now. I just think its stunning. I'm so jealous of natural gingers. I'm far from alone in thinking it's absolutely beautiful. It's such a rare natural colour.. the rarest hair colour to naturally have in the world! Anyone ginger should be proud and try to protect that ginger ness imo!!
I really like the actress Jessica Chastain.. shes a natural ginger and has always been very proud of it. And she takes such good care of her natural hair colour aiming to preserve it instead of covering it with dyes etc...
I have my suspicions the english negative obsession with red hair boils down to vestiges of historical racism.. it's a Celtic trait isnt it? I think the teasing is a leftover from all that anti celt bollocks. It's disgusting and you should call out any negative comments for sure. Your daughters shouldnt ahve to hear that.

My mother had the most beautiful red hair and it has always been a disappointment to me that I didn’t inherit it.

Your in laws are ignorant.

My reply would be yes and her eyes are blue must like the day she was born too, why do you need to keep mentioning it, that'll shut them up!

As above, they are wrong to say there is no redhead history in his family. It's recessive, he's obviously a carrier, there have clearly been redheads before him.

This. If any younger adults are the ones saying this, I would point out very quickly to them that there is a very good chance that their children will be lucky enough to have beautiful red hair too.
I don't know what to advise you to say to them because they are clearly an ignorant bunch and it is so hard to get through to ignorant people. I would protect the children by distancing them from these people.
And of course teach your children to love their hair colour. Millions of people around the world wish for red hair and dye their hair to try and get this colour. The UK is a prejudiced lot.

i just cannot understand all this stupid shit about being "ginger". Everyone loves a ginger cat, people rave over the wonderful colour so why are humans different.
I love red hair, I think it's beautiful and much nicer than the boring hair colours like mine (mouse). The way it glimmers and shines in the sunlight - lovely.
It's really pathetic and it makes me rage. I wonder if it's just jealousy.

Where does this hatred of ginger hair stem from? Is it an anti Irish/Scottish thing?
My 5 year old is ginger. He tells everyone it's orange though and he loves his orange hair. His Dad has black hair and mine is mousy brown.
I really hope he doesnt get bullied for it when he is older.

The UK is a prejudiced lot
Bit of a prejudiced comment to make about a whole country!

I'm the same as Jay, my mum was ginger and I thought it was lovely. I really don't get this anyway, I don't remember anyone getting teased for being ginger when I was young (ok, before the flood then). The first I heard of it was with my in-laws. Yes to calling them out on it "are you intending to be rude about me and the girls?", said with a sweet smile should rattle them a bit! Even if the girls pick up on the comments, they'll also absorb that it isn't appropriate.