They are ginger get over it!

[CarrotCakeCrumbs]

I have NC for this. I am so angry at the moment, and fed up, and aware that things could be so much worse and that with everything else that is happening it really doesn't matter in the long run and it really is so petty and ridiculous. However here I am seething because some people are just pig ignorant.

My bf to his knowledge has nobody ginger in his family, infact they are all very adamant that there are no ancestors with ginger hair whatsoever. And yet our two daughters are very, very ginger (as am I). Our eldest is 4.5, our youngest is turning 1 this month. Their hair is unlikely to change. The amount of comments I have had from multiple members of my bfs family has gone beyond a joke now.

Ever since my eldest was born I have had the following comments about both children:
"She's not ginger" - in a voice that implies being ginger would be such a horrific thing to be 🙄
"Oh I think her hair is changing it isn't as red" or "she's losing her redness!" - said in a hopeful voice
"She's turning a shade of beetroot" - in a disappointed voice (also why beetroot??? There are 1000's of lovely ways to describe red hair - beetroot is not one of them 🤬)
"Red hair means crap blood" - eh no...and many more comments.

Every single time we see them, without fail, someone will make at least one comment on our childrens hair. I don't even know why it is such a shock to them - I am ginger! (They do also like to pretend that my children get absolutely none of their traits from me but that's a whole other thread). They wouldn't comment on their hair if it was blonde, or brunette!

I was bullied horrifically through school because of my hair colour, and I am determined that my girls will be proud of theirs. But I feel like I might be fighting a losing battle when certain members of their own family so clearly don't like it.

My boyfriend thinks I am over reacting and that I should just ignore it, but why should I? And why should our daughters have to ignore it? What gives people the right to comment on a hair colour that you are born with and can't bloody change! (I mean you can't change it as a child - I am well aware that adults can dye their hair as I did for years and now my hair is back to it's natural colour but destroyed beyond repair).

Am I being unreasonable to tell people to just not comment on their hair, that it is ginger and they have had almost 5 years to get used to that fact and it is not likely to change any time soon. Or just start making derogatory comments on their appearance when they make the negative comments.

[rosiejaune]

Obviously they are nobs.

Your daughters must have a red gene from both sides to have red hair. If someone has visibly red hair, they have two red genes, like you and your daughters. Your partner must have one red gene in that red/not red pair, as red is recessive (though people with one red gene may have a reddish undertinge to their hair, and also sunburn easily etc).

The type of red is controlled by other genes. So ginger is a combination of two red genes and two blonde genes. Whereas auburn is a combination of two red genes and either one or two brown genes (because brown is dominant, so you only need one for it to be expressed).

And then the exact shade is controlled by other genes still. So strawberry blonde is a lighter version of ginger, for example.

So it may be true that nobody in his family in living memory has had ginger hair. They may not even have had red hair of any shade, though that is statistically unlikely, as that would require just one red gene to be successfully passed on through many generations.

[ticktackted]

I was relentlessly, horrifically bullied for my curly red hair. I'm pregnant now and genuinely worried how I will keep my kid safe from that if they inherit my hair colour. It has always seemed to be a totally socially acceptable prejudice, never taken seriously be teachers or treated like a serious problem. That said: as an adult I love my hair. I feel I've earned that! I hope your daughters can love theirs. And, your partner needs to be the one to talk to his family. If they can't accept their grandchildren as they are, they don't deserve them.

[Kaathesnake]

The most beautiful head of hair I ever saw was on a girl of about 10... a dark ginger (if that sounds right?) and amazing curls, no frizz, and when the sun shone on it, OMG, it looked a blaze of so many shades! Absolutely stunning!
I said to her ‘Hatty, your hair is sooo gorgeous, you lucky thing!’
She said... my Mum can’t wait til I get old enough so she can dye it for me, she hates it!!😱😱
I could have cried. I see her on FB nowadays... hair is dyed brown☹️ Poor girl

[Hollyhobbi]

My dad and my granny were redheads. My two daughters had red hair when they were born which gradually started turning blonde when they were about one and then went boring mousy brown. I remember when my eldest was about 9 months old an American woman was admiring her hair and saying she'd save a fortune on hairdressers when she's older! The woman herself had dyed red hair. When I was younger I had a hint of red in my hair especially in sunlight. Now it's going grey (sliver) I tend to dye it with dye that has a hint of red in it. A few of my first cousins have red hair. One of them lived in Saudi Arabia for a number of years as a child and people used to always be touching her hair as its considered good luck!

[Maduixa]

Another redhead here.

I agree with Maestro7, your older daughter will be picking this up already. And it's also incredibly rude to you. I would have no hesitation in telling these people to stop, but I also think your boyfriend needs to do so as well, proactively and very firmly.

I'm from Scotland, but grew up mostly abroad and have lived in a few different countries, and the widespread oddness/rudeness about "gingers" is something I've only really encountered in the UK (mostly, but not exclusively, England). I'm kind of shocked by the stories of bullying I've heard, some of them recent.

Also - "beetroot", really? Ginger, auburn, copper, carrot, orange, sorrel, chestnut, strawberry blond, sure - but I've never met a human with naturally beetroot-coloured hair!

Where does this hatred of ginger hair stem from? Is it an anti Irish/Scottish thing?

That might be part of it, but there are also possible historical shreds of this in Scotland - for example the Hogmanay tradition of "First-Footing" requires that a dark-haired person (more traditionally, man) must be the first to enter the house on 1 January, to bring luck to the household in the new year - blond is bad luck, but a redhead is considered the most unlucky. This is supposed to go back to Viking marauders - the local population was mostly dark-haired, the invaders were blonds and redheads. But that said - my mother is a redhead as are half her family and she doesn't remember any bullying - and my (blond) dad's grandmother was a sort of larger-than-life character and always known for her long auburn hair. I've also heard a theory that it might be anti-Jewish prejudice (a lot of Ashkenazi Jews are red-haired), but I'm not sure this would explain how widespread it is since the UK doesn't have a huge Jewish population.

[howlatthetrees]

As PP’s have said, your DP must have a ginger gene to have a ginger child. I was ginger as a toddler, and then as I got older it faded to brown with an auburn tint, whenever I bring up being a ginger child my paternal grandmother is adamant I wasn’t. It’s as if she’s thinking I’m saying it like I’m ashamed of it, it’s like when people say “oh I look fat in this” and everyone rushes to say “no of course you don’t!”. I’m not ashamed of being ginger as a child, I wish I’d stayed that way. It annoys me how she sees me being ginger as a bad thing.

On the flip side though, could they be bringing it up because they don’t think they resemble your DH? My DS3 has blonde hair and DH and I have brown hair and PIL’s always bring it up.

[DramaAlpaca]

I love red hair. There's red hair in both my family and DH's but it seems to have missed the last two generations. I was delighted when DS2 looked like he was going to be ginger, but sadly it went dark very soon afterwards but with beautiful dark copper highlights. As an adult the highlights are still there in the right light, but if he grows a beard it's very ginger

[BlancheDuBlah]

OP, people that judge on appearances whether that be hair colour, skin colour or anything else that differentiates us, tend to be, ime, extremely unintelligent or for want of a better word 'thick'.

Maybe try and find some pity in your heart for them and instill it in your DDs too.

Imagine how very narrow their world view must be, how very limited. Tragic.

[schoolsoutforcovid]

"People with ginger hair are naturally fiery and passionate"

This is one of the worst things about it! Yeah, the colour of my hair really dictates my personality (would you say that about the colour of my skin?)

[gumball37]

That's a good thing. Gingers supposedly have a higher pain tolerance!!

[schoolsoutforcovid]

It's not a good thing for a painfully shy child who wouldn't say boo to a goose and happens to have ginger hair.

Suppose it's ok because they're "fiery" and will give as good as they get?

And a high pain threshold? Great stuff, lets give her a little nip or a kick whilst we comment on her appearance and make "jokes" shall we?

Seriously. Think about what you're saying.

[Coyoacan]

You know, OP, I love read old novels from the fifties and the forties and all the really glamorous women were redheads.

I don't know where this phobia of red head comes from but I once admired a five-year-old's hair and sent her into tears because I referred to her hair as red. I would be avoiding the in-laws if I were you.

[managedmis]

You need to move abroad where people love it

[schoolsoutforcovid]

Move "abroad" where people love it?

This thread is unbelievable and these kids are going to have to listen to this shit all their lives. Have you heard yourselves?

Yes, op. You should move abroad if you've got a problem. Wherever "abroad" may be. Be thankful for the fiery, passionate personality sported by you and both of your kids and grateful that you don't feel pain the same as the rest of us

But then I'm sure you've heard all this at the in laws

[EmperorCovidula]

I had a nightmare once that I gave birth to a ginger baby. A nightmare because neither DH or I could possibly be the source of the relevant. Ultimately it transpired that the child belonged to prince harry . Anyway, the baby was super cute although I’m still not entirely clear on how it came to be. I can’t understand why people don’t like ginger hair, it’s so pretty.

[Scattyhattie]

kids being unkind and picking apart any difference at school is bad enough but its terrible for an adult, especially a family member as even more damaging for a child to pick up on, can't help wondering what other toxic views hold.

Redheads in all its shades is attractive & loads of people opt to dye their hair red so I don't get the negativity, especially as in general people tend to value unique highly and red hair isn't as common.

[CoconutsHaveWaterInThem]

My children are half white and half Indian(I'm Indian) but they look white. Everytime someone sees them they comment on their "dark" skin tone. They most definitely aren't dark as I'm not dark myself but people only comment on their skin tone knowing I'm their mother but if you didn't know I was their mum then you would think they are white. They are children so I don't know why people have to pick on their skin tone so I get what you mean

[ClearEyesFullHeartsCantLoseZ]

A girl who I went to school with use to relentlessly take the piss out of my hair colour and tried to set my hair on fire at school (she got suspended) also used to take the piss out of my maiden name..

She now weirdly has gone married to a man who had the same name complete with exactly the same spelling (very unusual name) and has 2 children with curly ginger hair. I hope she feels shit every time she looks at her kids

[Florrieboo]

I had very similar and then after a few years DSIL had a redhaired child of her own.

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

The mocking and dislike of red hair is appalling.

I have red hair - when I was a child it was very red, it faded to reddish brown when I was in my 20s. I got lots of comments on it, both positive and negative, and was always very conscious that my hair was different to everyone else. It's also red, not ginger. Plus I have dark brown eyes and no freckles although i do have pale skin.

When ds1 was born he had (and still has) red hair. No one commented negatively on it to my face but if they had have done, I would have told them exactly what I thought of their attitude.

Ds1 has exactly my colouring - dark red hair, brown eyes, pale skin. no freckles. He does get some grief over his hair colour but not too much. Possibly because it's not the classic "ginger" colour. However, we are both aware that red hair is seen as being something to pity.

If I were you OP i would speak very firmly to your in laws and explain why their comments will not be tolerated.

[CherryValanc]

As a red head and Irish living in ireland, can we drop the pretence that it's an "English" thing.

Adults taunt children here too. Gingers are bullied in school. I and many other red heads / gingers can personally tell you so. I had a comment just the other day.

I'm sure there will be posters come along to tell me I'm wrong though. Mine and others life long experience dismissed. One thing I've noticed is that it appears to be in groups so you get this anti-ginger in families orcommunities. Where as in other families or communities it's just the occasional 'joke'. It does seem those who are prejudice dont just keep it to redheads either.

OP, are your parents bigots in general (I dont necessarily mean are they also prejudice about race here, but something else like scathing of older people, Americans etc)..I think you need to start with your partner. He needs to realise his family are being hateful his daighters. He needs to be the one who confronts them, they seem to have dismissed your opinion.

Maybe refuse to have his family over or go to theirs until he gets it into his head it's not acceptable. Or when they come over take your children out the house and go to a friends or your family.

[Wagamamas]

The irony of pps negging mousy hair ..
Can we just stop?! You don't have to neg one to elivate the other.

[myself2020]

Both of mine are unfortunately loosing their ginger colour and everybody is a bit sad (not thar we would ever let the kids now - appearance doesn’t matter). oldest is going a dark copper, youngest dark blond). red hair is beautiful, a and all kids are beautiful anyway. , your inlaws are not very nice

[MountainPeakGeek]

As a parent of two red haired children (and being a bit of a stroppy bitch) I'd be tempted to push the recessive gene point the next time they mention the lack of redheads in their family tree... Something along the lines of:

"Hmmm, so strange! Does anyone remember what hair colour the PIL's milkman/postman had...?"