They are ginger get over it!

[CarrotCakeCrumbs]

I have NC for this. I am so angry at the moment, and fed up, and aware that things could be so much worse and that with everything else that is happening it really doesn't matter in the long run and it really is so petty and ridiculous. However here I am seething because some people are just pig ignorant.

My bf to his knowledge has nobody ginger in his family, infact they are all very adamant that there are no ancestors with ginger hair whatsoever. And yet our two daughters are very, very ginger (as am I). Our eldest is 4.5, our youngest is turning 1 this month. Their hair is unlikely to change. The amount of comments I have had from multiple members of my bfs family has gone beyond a joke now.

Ever since my eldest was born I have had the following comments about both children:
"She's not ginger" - in a voice that implies being ginger would be such a horrific thing to be 🙄
"Oh I think her hair is changing it isn't as red" or "she's losing her redness!" - said in a hopeful voice
"She's turning a shade of beetroot" - in a disappointed voice (also why beetroot??? There are 1000's of lovely ways to describe red hair - beetroot is not one of them 🤬)
"Red hair means crap blood" - eh no...and many more comments.

Every single time we see them, without fail, someone will make at least one comment on our childrens hair. I don't even know why it is such a shock to them - I am ginger! (They do also like to pretend that my children get absolutely none of their traits from me but that's a whole other thread). They wouldn't comment on their hair if it was blonde, or brunette!

I was bullied horrifically through school because of my hair colour, and I am determined that my girls will be proud of theirs. But I feel like I might be fighting a losing battle when certain members of their own family so clearly don't like it.

My boyfriend thinks I am over reacting and that I should just ignore it, but why should I? And why should our daughters have to ignore it? What gives people the right to comment on a hair colour that you are born with and can't bloody change! (I mean you can't change it as a child - I am well aware that adults can dye their hair as I did for years and now my hair is back to it's natural colour but destroyed beyond repair).

Am I being unreasonable to tell people to just not comment on their hair, that it is ginger and they have had almost 5 years to get used to that fact and it is not likely to change any time soon. Or just start making derogatory comments on their appearance when they make the negative comments.

Perhaps some comments are not meant to be negative? I’ve got 3 kids. One brunette, one blonde and one tbd (born w brown reddish hair and blond undertones...) Anyway, the second two dc always got comments about the hair looking a bit ginger or that it’s going red. But I knew the comments were just them stating the facts. My dc hair looked red in some photos when it was going from brown to blonde. The comments were more just observations. They didn’t make much comment about the first one because her hair was very dark and obviously brunette. But I think when you aren’t sure what the hair colour might be they like to make guesses etc. And maybe you know your dc hair will stay ginger. But perhaps they weren’t sure at one point. Obviously some of the comments you mentioned were rude. But I’m thinking maybe some of the comments from the family might not be meant as negative.

'Really? I hadn't noticed'

'Same as last time you saw them then'

'Well obviously since they look like their DM'

'Ah set it to music twathead'

Mix and match responses for you there.

Your boyfriend’s family are a bunch of twats. Red hair is really beautiful. I was quite disappointed when none of mine came out with red hair!

I think that going on about a child’s (or anyone’s) physical characteristics isn’t on. My DD has lovely curls and it’s all anyone ever talks about (including strangers). I wish for once someone would compliment her intelligence or her wit or ask her how old she is or what she likes doing, instead of just saying how nice her hair is. I don’t want her growing up thinking her worth is based in her physical appearance.

It's very rude of them. I would definitely say something.
My DD has red hair and is very happy with her appearance. But she gets very tired of the comments she gets about it.
Your girls should at least have the courtesy to grow up around family who are not constantly commenting. They will get that enough from strangers as they get older.

My husband has red hair and I was really hoping my three children would inherit it, but no. It hasn’t done Damian Lewis, Nicola Roberts or Geri Horner any harm. I would describe it as distinctive and special and if people commented would tend to say so. Instead of defending the colour, praise it and say how pleased you are. Prince Harry and Archie have inherited their hair from Princess Diana’s family as Earl Spencer has red hair. Apparently the Queen was delighted that Archie had his father’s hair and if it is good enough for Her Majesty ......! Job done!

tell them the only acceptable comment on their hair is that it’s lovely and if they can’t say that they said nothing.

Yes. Say that yourself. Next time they comment on your kids' hair, send the kids away on some kind of pretext, then firmly (and yes, angrily) say that.

"I am fed up of you making derogatory remarks about their hair to my children. It's extremely unkind to do so. In future you are to say NOTHING to them, or in their presence, about their hair unless it's complementary."

And walk away.

Then tell your husband what you said, and that if he even dares to undermine you and your children, you will not visit his family again.

Please dont let them be exposed to this. Like you, I was horribly bullied cos of my hair and it still affects me in adulthood.

People excuse these comments as banter and often genuinely dont seen to think they are insulting, but you and I know that they are.

I don't know why gingerism is still acceptable in the UK, when other isms are not.

As Gingernaut (great name btw) says, you both have to be carriers of the red hair gene to produce a red headed child.

It is a recessive gene, only when 2 sets of recessive genes combine can you possibly get a red head.

So he IS a carrier of the red hair gene! Idiot.

My stock response to children who make comments about other people is it is rude to comment on someone's appearance, how they look. I think it is shameful that they are displaying this attitude toward a a child. I would point blank ask them to stop.

As a pp said both parents have to have the red hair gene to have a red haired child. So somewhere in the past there was a red head in his family and the gene has been swirling around until now.
Both our families are all dark haired as far back as anyone can remember.
We have a redhead and a strawberry blond. Both love their hair which is also curly.

Not the same but my in laws have an issue with people being overweight. I'm overweight. I've had words with them in the past about indirectly criticising my weight - things like "you should try WW'" or "that's a lot for lunch - you should have a yogurt'. When my eldest was pre pubescent she put on a little bit of weight. I was careful not to mention it because she's ASD and there's a strong link with eating disorders. She had headphones on fortunately, but my FIL said 'you need to watch what she eats, she's starting to get fat'. I stayed calm but said 'if you EVER mention weight in front of either of my girls again, you will be stopped from seeing them'. Believe it or not we have a great relationship - but it needed to be said and they haven't said a word since! Just tell them straight!

What the hell? I'd have to hold a hand up and say 'you're being offensive again' rinse and repeat. Sorry you're dealing with such idiots.

My daughters are ginger. Neither me or my husband are, and only one member of his distant family is. Everyone comments on their hair but only in a positive way. My eldest actually used to describe her hair as 'beautiful and orange' as she'd been told so many times how beautiful it was. As far as I know we've been lucky enough for her to never have received a negative remark! Such a shame that your children are as lucky with their own family!!! Shoot them straight down next time and ask if they enjoy making negative comments about a child's appearance!

I'd be telling them that if they can't restrain their urge to bully the children then they won't be seeing much of them.

I thought the UK was past this. FFS.

*aren't as lucky

I love ginger hair and redheads!
I'm blonde and often jealous of redheads as it's such a beautiful colour and so rare.

Take them aside the moment they do this with 'a word please' .... shut the door so DC can't hear and tell your DH's relatives that the only acceptable comment is
"Your hair is such a gorgeous colour!" And that any comment about their hair colour that doesn't involve enthusiastic admiration is shit and they are to pack in trying to bully your DC as you won't have it!

I always do a double take when I see a redhead - I think it’s stunning. My next door neighbour is a redhead and she reminds me of a woman from a Gustav Klimt painting - she’s lovely. I don’t understand why some people are so weird about ginger hair. My auntie has red hair and when she went to her holiday home in Spain the next door neighbour used to call her a witch!

The bf’s family sound like they’re not the brightest bunch - your bf should tell them to stop it in no uncertain terms.

It's the disappointment of my life I don't have red hair. In all its shades it is beautiful from strawberry blonde right through to darkest auburn.

My mother is Irish and red hair is given almost mythical status : Irish Gold, Touched by the God's etc.

People with red hair have a higher pain threshold than the rest of us, i've read.
'Orange' is always the first colour of the spectrum the eye sees which is perhaps why red heads turn heads.

I'm also half Jamaican - but I didn't let that hold my longing back as I have 2 cousins whose girls have bright ginger afros and it is the most gorgeous sight.

Yes - red rules!

I wonder if they are commenting because they know people with ginger hair are bullied & they are trying to suggest alternative ways of expressing hair colour in a ‘kind’ way. Awful.

My bf to his knowledge has nobody ginger in his family, infact they are all very adamant that there are no ancestors with ginger hair whatsoever.

‘The gene for red hair is recessive, so a person needs two copies of that gene for it to show up or be expressed. That means even if both parents carry the gene, just one in four of their children are likely to turn out to be a redhead’

But, I know someone with ginger kids who constantly called them ginge or ginger as a term of endearment from birth so they never felt bullied for having ginger hair -no one should, it’s gorgeous. Teach your children to be proud of their gorgeous hair so they have good self esteem.

I also know someone who was called concord for his huge nose, he never felt bullied and happily laughed it off. Self esteem matters.

I love red hair. His family need to be told to stop the bullying as most posters have said

Next time they say something you should respond with, ‘imagine that being said by another child directly to DD and tell me you’d not be furious that it was bullying, so please just stop. The people closest to DD’s need to be positive messages or saying nothing at all only.’ Maybe making them look at their comments in a calm way will hit home the message that they are being so awful

My eldest is ginger and the comments drive me mad. Every summer the sun brings out golden highlights in her hair and certain family members get all excited that she could be "losing her redness." It does my head in. Shes nearly 6 now so picks up on the comments now, and I dont want her getting a complex or feeling insecure about it- she is perfect as she is. Of course anytime you call them out on it, you're being over sensitive and they don't mean anything by it. It's just so unnecessary to pick apart any part of a childs appearance.

l love red hair its my favourite,l wanted my son to have it ( he still giggles about it ) we both have very dark hair.

As a fellow red head, I would give them one warning, then never take the kids to see them again. This will fuck them up.

Utter shitheads.

I pay a lot of money for my ashy mousey hair to be ginger.

Tell them quite abruptly to stop bullying your children and that you don't give a plying turnip what they think. "Kindly keep your offensive opinions to yourself or fuck off please."

Why is there such a stigma to having red hair in the UK? It's completely unremarkable in the US.