Queue argument....... who was right and who was wrong.......

[ACautionaryTale]

Socially distanced queue at the supermarket. I was number 3 in the queue, there were about 12 in total. its not a big one but not an express style either. Most people only get a basket of shopping nor a full weekly shop.

Relatively older lady joins the queue at the back. So number 13. did not look infirm or otherwise struggling. I'd say late sixties/early 70s.

Woman who was number 1 in the queue indicates to new joiner to join the queue at the front.

Several people object. Number 1 lady starts saying its only polite to the older generation,.

I politely point out that it was not her decision to make on behalf of everyone else in the queue. She did not get to decide for everyone else whether the lady could jump the queue.

I got told I had no social respect (and called a fat cunt for the privilege) and that older people should go first.

Older lady at the back looked embarrassed and pointed out she did not want to jump the queue.

Lady in position 1 left the store offing and blinding.

Hi op. The woman at the front of the queue should have swapped places with the woman she offered her space to. Perhaps many people in the queue were not in a rush however we do not know what is taking place in other people’s lives and it may sound ridiculous but an extra 5 minute wait for someone can mean that their car park ticket has expired and they can’t afford to pay for another one, that their partner is made late for work as these 5 minutes cause the partner to be faced with busier traffic or that the shopper has people to care for at home and has a strictly allocated timeframe in which they must be back in, or the carer working in their home is late for their next visit.

In my opinion, it is unkind, irresponsible and can be unsafe to presume that people in a queue, not willing to have people volunteered by another to go in front of them are uncaring. Their home life situation may be one in which they are in a controlling relationship or domestic abuse is present. Those extra 5 minutes can really change the outcome for the person when they get home.

I do not wish this to sound dramatic, 5 minutes really does sound like no time at all however unfortunately having to wait 5 minutes extra (when the individual had planned everything correctly) in certain individuals lives, could be detrimental.

I like when I can let people in the queue go in front of me (I might have a trolley full, they have a basket) but only when it’s only me and them in the queue and it is fine to get home a little later.

What the woman at the front of the queue said to you with her dirty mouth was appalling and completely unacceptable. Maybe next time pop a large melon in your trolley or perhaps a butternut squash so you can launch it at anyone who dares to be so rude

Who knows the situation of the other people in the queue? Maybe others were struggling having to queue for reasons not visually apparent to others. Or maybe they had jobs to get to and didn’t have the luxury of letting other people queue jump.

I WAS NOT THE CAUSE OF THE FUSS

The fuss was happening already. I merely tried to explain to the do goober why people were probably being pissy about it.

and got insulted for the privilege

I find it unbelievable that people get so exercised about something like this. Our society is really bloody awful if it’s impossible to be nice to someone without bringing the wrath of a queue down on your head.

I let people go to the front of the loo queue all the time and nobody’s ever had a go at me. I’d still do it if they did. What a lot of mean spirited buggers.

do goober

I know this is a typo for do gooder but that’s really tickled me. Clearly lockdown has got to me.

If the older lady didn't take the space what on earth were you all arguing about?
It's a shame people can't do anything nice without being criticised but there you go. I find it hard to believe this woman went from offering a space to calling you names unless you said more than you have admitted.
I might be a bit annoyed at someone skipping the queue as I'm heavily pregnant and struggling to stand but I'd it was just 12 or 13 people I'd let it go.

Do goober, I love that

Quite simple Rosebel.

12 people in a line. Person 1 invites a random person to the front of the queue. Some of the others start to mutter something under their breaths, some a bit louder than others

Person 1 doesn't understand what all the fuss is about, can see why considering how many would do the same and make decisions for a group of people.

Person 2 says basically erm you cannot do that, they've probably got things to do or whatever.

Person 1 thinks person 2 is a cunt. Again, not really hard to believe from reading the thread.

Do goober denied the "oh look at me and how helpful I am" bullshit. Had it been for kindness, person 1 would have said to random person, here take my spot, I will go to the back of the queue. Chances are, the others in the queue would have said don't be daft.

Genuine people don't do these things for a public show. They don't stand outside clapping or whatever at set times. They don't boast about what they have done. It's not done for the kudos, the well done etc, it's done because genuine people actually give a shit.

Do goobers often make things worse for others. Look at the supermarket lady and many more that have appeared from nowhere suddenly to help everyone else. Or how they feel sad that people were without food for weeks. Do goobers will move on once they lose interest, usually because they don't feel listened to when they are trying to tell others what to do.

Can we please stop stereotyping older people as incapable, fragile and about to drop dead if they have to queue for more than a few minutes; people are enjoying much greater levels of fitness for longer than before. I am far more saddened that this type of language and abuse has now become so commonplace that it hardly raises an eyebrow.

Unfortunately, that's what do goobers do. They stereotype people they claim to want to help. When public gratitude looks like it won't happen, they swear, shout and scream because all they wanted to do was help, and whoever clearly needs help based on their personal way of life. Suggest some voluntary work to help those that do need it, erm million reasons why not, and those who do volunteer find another hobby and stop within a short period of time.

They assume a woman needs a seat because she is pregnant when she's happy as she is. Were as a younger person using crotches ignored. The pregnant lady suggested crutch person take the seat instead. Do goober facially seemed displeased at this, why not offer crutch person the seat first? The change of plan resulted in a foul language flounce, a kid asked afterwards when everything was. quiet. Whats a cunt?

I suppose we don't know what everyone in the queue needs to do, I might be in a queue with no commitments and perfectly happy to wait, I might be feeling unwell and desperately want to get home to bed, I might need to visit a vulnerable adult or collect a child or get to the dentist on time. My reaction might depend on the circumstances.

I have sometimes let people go in front of me if I have a lot of shopping and they only had a couple of things, but only if they were directly behind me so that the rest of the queue was not affected.

However if the older person had no obvious problems and had chosen to go shopping despite the risks I would certainly not have called them to the front of the queue. Many stores have special shopping times for older people and they can choose to shop then if they want to avoid busy times.
I should add that I am an older person and have been self isolating for months because of an elderly husband with health problems - I do all my shopping online and get odds and ends for other at risk people so that they do not need to go themselves.

A similar thing happened to me the other day in the queue to get into the supermarket. As I reached position 1, an elderly man ( I would guess in his 80s) who had been sitting on a bench while I queued , asked me if I minded if he went in first. I replied that I didn't mind, but I couldn't speak for everyone else in the queue. The 5 or 6 people behind me who heard the exchange all nooded him in.

Somewhat annoying

Whilst it can be annoying if your in a rush I think the woman was just trying to be kind.

Kind people generally don't call other people "fat cunts".

So let me get this straight: random woman A looked at random woman B and decided it was up to her to decide someone didn't know the age of was too old to stand in a queue?

That poor woman probably doesn't even view herself as "elderly". How utterly rude of anyone to decide that and openly humiliate her.

If she was very elderly and infirm, fine, that would absolutely be the right thing to do but she wasn't and was probably mortified.

Queue jumping is also extremely rude and yes @PurpleDaisies it IS something some of us get worked up about because it's a bloody cheek.

I've regularly let people go in front of me at the check out if they've a few items and it's no skin off my nose but actual queue jumping is the height of rudeness and a basic lack of manners.

YANBU @ACautionaryTale

YANBU and the woman at the front of the queue was virtue signalling. If she was that bothered then she would have given up her place without buying anything so as not to inconvenience anyone else. All she wanted was praise and to put posts on FB saying how she was ‘blessed’ to be able to help others.

Now she can slag you off. Ideal 😂

I think the woman at the front did not do the right thing. I am the first to offer my seat to an old person in resin or bus, but this is different.

The issue is that if everyone did what this woman did every time there was an old person the queue could take twice as long to get in.

For a start, most supermarkets have old people slots, the supermarkets can and should make fair accommodation for people less able to stand (eg providing seats) and I think there is a responsibility on people less able to stand to choose times when the queue is less long (especially when retired).

So on that basis it's not the woman at the front to take it upon herself to do that, she only had one more person to wait for, but for the 10th,11th person it just najes an annoying situation worse.

Think you were being unreasonable to be honest if we can't be nice during these trying times what hope for future. I have a hidden disability and low immune system and try to go when it's quiet but sometimes a queue would be happy to offer my place to someone else it's called manners and having a caring thought for another person.

A lot of elderly people are fitter than the youngest. Age shouldn't automatically be a precursor for her to bump the queue. Obviously if she was old and infirm, it would have been nice to do so,band only at the agreement of all in the queue.

No it's not being nice to lady 13, No1 has no business pushing everyone else back. You are so right, too many numpties thinking it's 'nice' to delay others. Well it's not alright.

If you have a problem with a lady in her 70s going ahead of you in the queue which is going to inconvenience you for no more than 5 minutes then it's YOU that has the problem.

Do you also tut at key workers?

And chances are if the person was finding it difficult, staff would intervene. They are standing at the doors. Blocking aisles restocking etc.

It’s really insulting when you think about it. The virtue signaller has not only made assumptions for a number of people, but she’s also saying to the one she supposedly trying to help that she is an idiot. It assumes that the person didn’t have the capacity to think. She publicly humiliated and shamed another person.

Even when lockdown isn’t on, decent stores offer help for those who need it. It goes on all around you just you don’t normally realise. You might not notice staff member and customer disappearing behind the back, or if you do you wonder what’s going on, what have they done etc. Nothing, just someone in a protected group needing an urgent pee.

Of course there are those who do need support and go around unnoticed. They don’t want to be someone’s pet project. They don’t want the attention these virtue signallers bring. The local gossip entertainment etc.

So even if that person needed some help, the public Oi come here and I will help is counterproductive.

On the whole people are generally kind, considerate etc. It’s a natural part of us all, and of course we don’t always get it right. We learn and improve, we make little adaptations to meet our own requirements. When we fuck up we apologise with sincerity. Many people have respect for others and sincerely give a shit without a round of applause, likes, parties etc.

Once things ease up more these virus signallers will go back to their daily life’s. Those in help quickly forgotten and looked down upon. Of course, not all, some genuine people do get caught up in the hype at the beginning and end up staying. It’s the Ying and Yang at play within each of us, and it’s down to us how we personally want to try and balance our world.

Just good manners. Lady may have unseen health issues. But swap places not queue jump.