Queue argument....... who was right and who was wrong.......

[ACautionaryTale]

Socially distanced queue at the supermarket. I was number 3 in the queue, there were about 12 in total. its not a big one but not an express style either. Most people only get a basket of shopping nor a full weekly shop.

Relatively older lady joins the queue at the back. So number 13. did not look infirm or otherwise struggling. I'd say late sixties/early 70s.

Woman who was number 1 in the queue indicates to new joiner to join the queue at the front.

Several people object. Number 1 lady starts saying its only polite to the older generation,.

I politely point out that it was not her decision to make on behalf of everyone else in the queue. She did not get to decide for everyone else whether the lady could jump the queue.

I got told I had no social respect (and called a fat cunt for the privilege) and that older people should go first.

Older lady at the back looked embarrassed and pointed out she did not want to jump the queue.

Lady in position 1 left the store offing and blinding.

@canigooutyet

It would annoy me as I’m one of those with hidden disabilities. I try and avoid busy times because I look young and healthy people make assumptions. I often get called a cunt because no sorry you cannot go ahead of me; sorry but I cannot reach the bottom shelf; I’m sorry I cannot stand up at the moment.

Although I’m amazed that another poster knows the shopping habits of a random family.

Me too but am too young to be considered in this situation. I completely run out of energy like a drained battery. Therefore I have a small window of time to do any shopping. Since lockdown, I’ve been into a small local supermarket twice and the post office twice. That was just about doable. If people started pushing in, I may not have made it without collapsing on the floor.

I believe op was called a fat cunt from someone wanting to do something good. If it was genuine number 1 would have suggested a swap especially since other people were also grumbling in the queue.

There is the possibility that number 1 was one of those fake do gooders and op stopped the oh look at me, how helpful I am etc. Some of those really hate anyone getting in their way and the abuse will start.

A little kindness goes a long way....

It really would make the world a much better and nicer place.

YANBU

I hate this whole ''old people must be prioritised'' thing because it isn't always appropriate. Sometimes it is, yes but not always. There may have been many people in that queue who were much less able to stand and queue than the older lady was. I'm in my twenties, I'm heavily pregnant, lots of complications so far, I have heart problems and multiple sclerosis. I would have been irritated if I was queuing and someone decided to invite someone to jump the queue, causing me to wait longer when it's possible that standing and queueing is harder for me than it may have been for the older lady. You're right, she doesn't get to decide who jumps the queue. And her reaction to your comment was disgusting too. I understand she may have just been trying to do a nice thing but she doesn't know anything about the health of everyone else in the queue and who could do with being prioritised. As others have said if she was that bothered about doing this nice thing she could have offered to swap places with the older lady.

I'd be a bit annoy but not to the point of making a scene and acting more noxious than that person did in the first place.

I'm heavily pregnant

It's likely that someone would offer to let you through as they do elderly people. Would you say they were unreasonable?

@Lweji

I'm heavily pregnant

It's likely that someone would offer to let you through as they do elderly people. Would you say they were unreasonable?

No one has done so for me! (Which is fine)

And I would be embarrassed if they tried to put me in front of other people as well.

So yes they would be unreasonable.

I think it was rude and presumptuous for the lady at the front to do this. I wouldnt class someone in their late 60s or early 70s "elderly" I think it's just another case of virtue signalling.

you were wrong op, to take away from the woman's kindness, shows you in a bad light imo

I wouldn't offer a stranger to go in front of me in a queue, but I wouldn't mind if someone else did. I also wouldn't mind if someone was cheeky and cut in, unless I was in a rush for some reason - I did my fair share of queue jumping as a youngster so it's all karma to me haha

I wouldn't mind about this but that's because I'm not usually in a rush anywhere. I can see why 11 other people didn't want that decision making in their behalf though. If it's just baskets though I'm guessing it doesn't really take that long to get through to the check out?

I don't think YWBU at all. As others have said if it was an altruistic act she would have offered to switch places rather than offer a place in front of her. Sounds like she got called out and didn't like it.

I've seen an older guy walk to front of queue recently and say to security "I'm disabled" and just get waved through.

No 13 lady was probably embarrassed by the whole thing, it was up to her if she has any issue which means she can't wait in line, to highlight that to security. There could have been other reasons why those in the queue have difficulty like invisible disabilities but they were just waiting their turn.
Don't let it get to you, she was a twat.

@Mummyoflittledragon Thankfully (?) I have a long established rep locally, and sometimes need to suddenly sit down or pee.

They’ve got used to me walking in asking for a toilet, leaving the trolley near shelves, queuing up and leaving, going through check out etc. They’ve also got used to me forgetting what I’m asking for and my pin.

I did what no 1 lady did the other day, however I was ready to give her my place and go to the back if anyone objected. They didn't, and I wouldn't, but I realise someone in the queue could be in a major hurry, be in pain, or really not need to be delayed for whatever reason.

I was in another queue a few weeks ago for a local food M&S. I was in second place and the queue was long. A woman arrived who said she just had to pick up a parcel and could she nip in first. The woman at the front of the queue said no, she was very tired and it was her turn next, but she stayed polite and I thought that was totally reasonable too. It's OK to be assertive and state your needs. But not to get nasty and insulting.

I do think it's reasonable to offer an older (ie 70 plus) person to go first because it just means they spend less time out and possibly exposed to the virus, which is likely to affect them worse.

I said what I did to try to explain to the woman in front why other people might be making a fuss.

This seems untrue. The words you chose to use were not just letting her know why others were upset. If you’d said “I think others behind me are annoyed that you let that lady in front of everyone” that’s advisory.

It's a mystery why people think their decision to do another person an act of kindness should recruit an entire queue of people and if anyone objects then they are disrespectful, selfish etc. I often see posters here claiming you don't know what other people's circumstances are and someone may have a physical or mental health issues that isn't obvious to observers but apparently the woman at the front of the queue was within her rights to make that assessment of the other 11 people. You do you is also trotted out with regularity with absolutely no consideration of whether "you doing you" affects anybody else.

The woman in the front of the queue was happy to delay everyone else but not prepared to make the totally selfless decision of swapping places with the older lady at the back of the queue. Being seen to do good whilst making very minimal sacrifice is the very definition of virtue signalling and it's very irritating.

The woman at the front of the queue said no, she was very tired and it was her turn next, but she stayed polite and I thought that was totally reasonable too.

Did you let parcel lady in front of you?

This is such a British thread, I love it

By offering the lady a space at the front of the que, the woman was presuming that the woman in her late sixties/early seventies might have difficulties standing for a period of time and that every other person waiting didn't.

It was a nice thing for her to do, but it would have been better for her to offer to swap places. For all she knew she cold have been making someone else with a hidden disability/chronic pain/continence issues wait longer, and that really wasn't her decision to make.

queue!

My DM is 80, and I can't imagine her wanting anyone to offer her a place at the front of the queue. She is elderly but she isn't infirm and spends 2-3 months working in Africa every year. It's actually quite patronising to assume an elderly person wants to be fussed over like this.

I wouldn't be bothered about this particularly, though.

I'd happily let a pregnant lady skip the que. But it's not a game of disability / less able top trumps. Surely it's just good manners?

I wouldnt class someone in their late 60s or early 70s "elderly" I think it's just another case of virtue signalling.

Nonsense. The result of this thinking is that nobody who might need help is offered it.

I travel on the tram regularly and if an older person or a pregnant woman gets on and there are no seats, I offer mine saying “do you need a seat?”

I’m not virtue signalling as I couldn’t care less what people think. I do so because I would hope someone does the same for my mum, who would need the seat.

People do nice things to be kind, not to “virtue signal” or for any other bullshit phrase de jour you want to trot out.

The thing is some people do good to look good. So I can imagine someone getting embarrassed at being challenged and telling OP to fuck off.

You see it on MN a lot, posters telling people to be kind and then not actually being kind themselves.

Would not bother me at all. But I had people moaning at me when the line was so long and I skipped passed all of them quite happily. Quite a few tutted. I was on my lunch break to and I work there in uniform to. Only good perk we have.