Queue argument....... who was right and who was wrong.......

[ACautionaryTale]

Socially distanced queue at the supermarket. I was number 3 in the queue, there were about 12 in total. its not a big one but not an express style either. Most people only get a basket of shopping nor a full weekly shop.

Relatively older lady joins the queue at the back. So number 13. did not look infirm or otherwise struggling. I'd say late sixties/early 70s.

Woman who was number 1 in the queue indicates to new joiner to join the queue at the front.

Several people object. Number 1 lady starts saying its only polite to the older generation,.

I politely point out that it was not her decision to make on behalf of everyone else in the queue. She did not get to decide for everyone else whether the lady could jump the queue.

I got told I had no social respect (and called a fat cunt for the privilege) and that older people should go first.

Older lady at the back looked embarrassed and pointed out she did not want to jump the queue.

Lady in position 1 left the store offing and blinding.

I hate when people do this so much.
It happens all the time on the underground (pre-Covid) where people are trying to get onto the train from both the left and the right of the doors. One idiot allows the other side to flow on being "polite" meaning that everyone behind them has to wait for the next tube.
It's the same when traffic is merging and one "polite" idiot lets ten cars in. You're holding everyone behind you up! For every person you let through, you're making another person wait. Your kind act is wiped out by the "f you" you're giving to everyone behind you.
Also, if I were in my sixties and not disabled, then I'd actually be offended that someone thinks I'm incapable of standing in a queue. How pious and self righteous!

I can't wait til I get offered to the front of the queue just for being in my late 60s....not long now.....hope I can manage to stay upright until then

I feel sorry for the older woman in this scenario. She joined the queue, minding her own business, and then up to 12 other people start arguing over her and calling each other names.

The poor woman then has to reassure everyone that she has no intentions of queue-jumping.

I'm not sure that anyone covered themselves in glory here but I agree that the woman at the front shouldn't have tried to unilaterally decide that everyone else was okay with the extra wait. Any one of those other people in the queue may have had an issue that meant that they couldn't wait any longer than absolutely necessary.

A couple of weeks ago I was queuing outside the local supermarket and was approx 4th in the queue waiting for it to open. At 5 mins to opening time a lady came down the escalator from the top car park. Escalator ends at the front of the queue and usually people just make their way to the end of the queue. This lady stayed at the front. I saw her have a conversation with the woman at the front but really didn't give it another thought. It was only one person and I assumed she had a reason.

Once the doors opened the lady who had been at the front went ape shit at the newcomer. She was ranting that she was going to call security. She was grabbing the other woman's basket and making a huge scene. Newcomer lady got her phone to start filming what was happening and that was like a red rag to a bull. The front-of-queue woman flew at her! Security pulled her off and it turned out the newcomer was NHS and had just finished a night shift. She had mistakenly assumed that this was one of their 'NHS first' days but it wasn't. Most people wouldn't have minded her going first, and it didn't affect anyone as the queue was small and we all got in the store in the first wave.

As a consequence of her behaviour, front-of-queue woman has been banned for violence (not sure how long for). The ironic thing is that front-of-queue woman always turns up mega early to get that first spot, then her adult son - who shops for someone else - joins her at the front half an hour later, effectively pushing in front of anyone else who had since joined the queue!

Some days I would be fine iwth it, somedays not. Like being expected to give them a seat on a bus, sometimes I do , sometimes not.

I am NOT perfect, (apparently!)

If she was only that age, and didn't appear to have mobility issues, I wouldn't have risked offending the woman by taking away her independence.

I was about 5th in a queue of about 30+ people at sainsbury's recently and saw a lady who was extremely overweight struggling to walk and huffing and puffing. I hesitated to offer her the space where the queue had just moved forward in front if me. Thankfully, a couple of guys aged around 25 behind put us all to shame by beckoning her over and giving her their place. I then told them to stay where they were and said she could go in front of me.

It dawned on me afterwards that I was a little afraid to offer her a place in case those behind me objected.

Letting someone in is difficult. You have to balance the risk of offending them, helping someone in need and upsetting lesser empathetic people behind you in the queue. We can't always get it right.

I can't type for shit either.

Sorry, that was a long story!

One of my DM’s elderly neighbours (live in retirement flats) joined the back of the shopping queue I was in the other day. I was only a few places ahead of her so not much point of offering my space, but did offer to do her shopping for her as was doing my DM’s at the time so could drop it off at the same time. But I think someone else in the queue had a word with the security guard in charge of queuing and she was called up to go to the front of the queue.

I would be more angry at the shops system if 13 people are queuing at tills that’s 26 metres. How do you shop in the aisles.

I probably would of quietly seethed yanbu . I was in a queue last week a lady did similar not number 1 position but say 3 and saw someone she knew early 70s and said take my place and I'll go at the back . The lady declined the offer but that's better as no one is queue jumping and the elderly lady got in the front .
I've just queued for milk and a few bits and I really wasn't in the mood today so I would of been annoyed in those circumstances.
Especially as more and more people going back to work people have less time to queue.

@Boulshired I assume they were queuing to get in the shop not at the tills

I would have seen a gesture of kindness That’s hard to come by these days and it would have put me out waiting another minute or so for another person To join in.

How embarrassing for the old lady to have so much fuss over her which she didn’t ask for

*wouldnt have put me out!

@millymoo1202

She should’ve just swapped places with her and gone to the back if she was the bayberry but not upto her to decide for the others

This - if she wanted to 'do the right thing' then she should have offered a swap

I politely point out that it was not her decision to make on behalf of everyone else in the queue. She did not get to decide for everyone else whether the lady could jump the queue.

This is the point missed by everyone claiming 'I couldn't get wound up by this' bullshit ... letting the old dear go first is fine and kind... when there is just you and said elderly lady.. BUT you making that decision for 12 people that have been patiently waiting the same queue.. then that is seriously rude ...

It’s really baffled me the amount of people who are bothered by this

My mum is 69 and has all the time in the world to go to the shops. I'm 38 and working 60 hrs a week and a single mum to 2 children so if I'm in the queue I may only have limited time and energy left. My mum is the opposite and is happy in the queue as she is only going home to be bored anyway. It would have annoyed me someone being invited to the front. My mum would be mortified if someone insisted she did that.
It's a nice thought but misguided. A bit selfish in a way as the person who let her in may have had time to wait but others in the queue may have been on their feet all day and exhausted anyway and really didnt want to wait even longer because of letting others in first.
Saying that I would not have said anything and made a scene as that would have embarrassed the older person more.

I'm with you OP and it would piss me off (not least as MIL is late 60s and fitter than I am so I wouldn't assume she needed the queue jump!)

Not sure I'd say anything though.

@Boulshired

I would be more angry at the shops system if 13 people are queuing at tills that’s 26 metres. How do you shop in the aisles.

I think they were queuing outside to get in.

The woman at the front was wrong. She doesn’t get to make the decision for everyone and being older doesn’t mean you get to jump the queue.

First come, first serve.

The woman at the front should have swapped places with the older woman, rather than making that offer. She had no idea of the circumstances of the other people in the line and if they had a reason to be in a hurry too.

I wouldn’t have had a problem at all.
I remember being obviously pregnant must have been 30 weeks shopping at Bicester village left it a tad too late to join the loo queue probably 6 people ahead of me but the very kind lady the front noted my panicked expression and ushered me to first place. Thank you kind lady at Bicester we avoided a rather sizeable puddle that day 🙏

The woman at the front should have taken the other lady’s place.

I agree with you OP but I doubt I’d have said anything I’d have just seethed quietly and moaned to dh when I got home . Fortunately I’m not allowed in shops at present so this is not a problem I will encounter .