Queue argument....... who was right and who was wrong.......

[ACautionaryTale]

Socially distanced queue at the supermarket. I was number 3 in the queue, there were about 12 in total. its not a big one but not an express style either. Most people only get a basket of shopping nor a full weekly shop.

Relatively older lady joins the queue at the back. So number 13. did not look infirm or otherwise struggling. I'd say late sixties/early 70s.

Woman who was number 1 in the queue indicates to new joiner to join the queue at the front.

Several people object. Number 1 lady starts saying its only polite to the older generation,.

I politely point out that it was not her decision to make on behalf of everyone else in the queue. She did not get to decide for everyone else whether the lady could jump the queue.

I got told I had no social respect (and called a fat cunt for the privilege) and that older people should go first.

Older lady at the back looked embarrassed and pointed out she did not want to jump the queue.

Lady in position 1 left the store offing and blinding.

They were unreasonable especially the verbal abuse to you. Fine for her letting all and sundry in front of everyone but maybe other people are busy and can’t spend all day waiting outside the supermarket. Plus being pedantic but the women she wishes to let in didn’t exactly sound elderly.

I'm torn really. A queue of 12/13 isn't so bad, so I probably wouldn't have cared too much. But equally, many younger people have hidden disabilities that makes queuing difficult, and people seem to forget that. What's to say that number 4 (for example), really couldn't stand still much longer? Adding an extra person may have meant that they didn't make the next cut off and had to stand for longer still.

I do like the "swapping" method, although I have never seen it happen. That doesn't inconvenience anybody.

@minisoksmakehardwork

It's a tricky one tbh. I assume the lady who was offered front of queue didn't actually take it.

I do think the person at front was trying to do a nice thing, but everyone who griped has a point as where would number 1 person have stopped if another 2, 3, 5, 10 older looking people had turned up?

Monkey's method is a good one so if the woman had been that bothered she could have given up her space in the queue, but she clearly wanted to be seen to do the right thing with no loss of place to herself.

I don't think I could get worked up by this but everyone 'lost' only one space not just the person at the front.

YABU to drag yet more innocent people (us) into such horrible pettiness.

I really wouldn’t have been bothered. It was just someone trying to be nice but misjudging. She shouldn’t have been rude to you though, she lost her moral high ground there.

I’d be more annoyed if someone was trying to push in. I had a guy the other day blatantly queue jump ahead of me, by saying hello to the family(!) ahead of me, and staying for a chat (not socially distancing at all) then just taking that space. This was outside Tesco to get in.

I didn’t say anything. He was clearly the type of nob who thinks the rules don’t apply to him and I couldn’t be arsed. Plus it was a nice day to be standing in the sun, and having a break from the house and kids for a while, so having to wait 3 minutes more wasn’t the end of the world.

Maybe the lady who offered to let the person skip ahead should have mentioned it to you first, but you lost all credibility by making a fuss about it. You should be ashamed of yourself

Really, how hard is it to be nice? What harm would it really have done you to wait another few minutes? I would assume that older people always skip the queue regardless of the time of day. Once offered, it is up to the older lady to accept or refuse the offer. But once you have some grumpy wagon in the queue cribbing about it, of course she is going to feel obliged to say no to not cause a fuss.

Do people really call strangers a "fat c*nt"? I have never experienced anything so downright unpleasant.

Where on earth is this ghastly place, so I can make sure never to go there and thereby avoid all contact with its oafish inhabitants.

Calls you a fat c*nt, says you have no social respect...

What a shitty world where so many people would be annoyed to be held up for a couple of minutes to let a pensioner go ahead of them.

It's a nice thought but misguided.
This. It might give Number 1 a warm virtuous glow but it is inconsiderate to others in the queue. It's fine to jump a few places but not a dozen. Swapping places, though, sounds an excellent idea.

I think it was the right thing to do to let her go first.

Acts of kindness are never forgotten.

3 years ago, I was in Boots to get nappies, they'd just started their January clearance sale. The que was massive and everyone had piles of stuff. I joined the back of the que with my newborn who was crying. The lady in front asked 'is that all you have?' Then said go in front of her. She then proceeded to ask everyone else in the que if I could go in front of them. I was shuffled to the front. I still feel grateful for that moment.

Makes you look really anti social making a fuss.

I can't believe anyone would make a fuss about an older person being offered to go in first. She can turn it down if she wants but the rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves making a fuss.

I would also invariably allow pensioners in front of me in the queue. Were I at the very front, and were I to notice an old lady at the rear, I hope I'd have the nouse to switch places with her. Inviting him/her to the front is to assume that everyone else will be happy to allow him/her to overtake them, which might cause just such a fuss as you describe.

FFS! A nice thing to do. Adds 5 minutes at most to everyone's day. Very mean to object to a good turn.

@GrumpyHoonMain

I would have offered the older lady to go first too. Nobody in real life minds stuff like this

Mee too.

I sometimes read mn threads and am amazed in the inward seething many people must do on a daily basis if things like letting someone elderly into a queue, gets their goat.

as others have already posted, swapping places is what can be done, but otherwise its just awkward for everyone concerned including the person joining the queue

Just to clarify ..... I didn't make the fuss - I said what I did to try to explain to the woman in front why other people might be making a fuss.

It was a queue for the checkouts. I will admit, the social distancing was more 1m than the 2m we recommend.

Older people are more at risk than younger generations and it is better they do not hang around in queues/busy places any longer than they have to. The person at the front of the queue was just trying to be kind and consider someone else before herself and in making a fuss, you were making the older lady embarassed/upset too. YABU.

I can't believe with what's going on, that you would begrudge the older woman being offered a place at the front. I'm not in the UK, but our shops and supermarkets are calling older people to the front of the queue. My dad went out for the first time in a couple of months last week. There was a two hour queue at the place he was in, and he was approached and told he could go straight in. Nobody complained.

I'm not quite 70 but I absolutely wouldn't expect anyone to do this. I'm not that doddery yet.

If there were other factors then maybe. Otherwise No.

It would annoy me as I’m one of those with hidden disabilities.
I try and avoid busy times because I look young and healthy people make assumptions. I often get called a cunt because no sorry you cannot go ahead of me; sorry but I cannot reach the bottom shelf; I’m sorry I cannot stand up at the moment.

Although I’m amazed that another poster knows the shopping habits of a random family.

From your description I’d say you and everyone else who objected was in the wrong.
First because No1 was doing something thoughtful for someone older.
Second and more importantly because the older person was then put in difficulty because you (and others) had caused a scene.
Can’t believe you didn’t just suck it up - even if you were a bit unhappy about it.
Chalk it up to one of those times you wished you had behaved differently - we all have them !