‘Go on, don’t be boring’

[HellloBambinos]

This is food related.

I’ve lost 10lb since lockdown and gone from an overweight BMI to a healthy one. I’d like to lose a little more weight but I love food so I’ve settled on sensible, healthy eating during the week and indulging a little on weekends. It’s been working great for me and I’m happy avoiding treats in the week.

A friend wants to meet this week and she wants to have a takeaway fish and chips picnic. I’ve said I’d love to meet up but I don’t want fish and chips and she said the above. She keeps going on about it. I’ve had other people do this before and it really pisses me off and makes it harder to be healthy.

AIBU to think this is really annoying or am I just a grumpy sod who needs to lighten up?

Do they not sell salads in UK fish & chip shops ?

Er, no! I can’t begin to imagine how grim a salad from a chippy would be. What countries have chip shops that serve salad?!

If you don't like fish and chips just say that.

If you refuse to ever swap your days to have some form of treat lunch with your friend your are a bore imho tho.

Most fish and chip places here will have grilled fish and salad on the menu. Is that an option?

When you say “here”, @Flipswhitefudge, where is “here”? Do you mean in the U.K. or elsewhere?

Because not once in my nearly 40 years on this planet have I ever come across a fish and chip shop selling grilled fish and/or salad. The closest thing to salad I’ve ever seen is pickled gherkins and picked eggs

Thing is moderation is fine if you are moderately indulging in the things that really bring you pleasure. But when you indulge in fish and chips with one friend because "everything in moderation" and then the next day your friend once cream cakes because otherwise "your boring", and then your dad thinks you really should have some biscuits with your cuppa because "life's too short not to have little pleasures" then by the time you have also had that tiramisu you've been craving there is nothing moderate about any of it.

So whatever your tiramisu us, enjoy in moderation. But don't be bullied into indulging every day. Stand firm. Just say "I don't want to eat that, no, I will bring something else" no explanations needed. Your life your choice and your friend needs to realise that you don't need to be the same or eat the same to eat friends. This is not primary school. You don't need matching pencil cases and lunch boxes to sit next to each other. Embrace your differences, be authentically you, and eat what the fuck you want

There was salad and various grilled fish and seafood in fish and chip shops when I visited Australia. Maybe that poster is in Aus? Never seen it in this country though

In these situations I order a large fish and baked beans, I eat the fish (but not the batter) and the beans fill me up.

And well done on the weight loss. Your friend is what's known as 'sabotaging' (in the weight loss game) your diet. I found out my dh did this subconsciously. Surprisingly lots of people do it

@Haworthia

Our local has started doing burgers some of which come with a bit of salad inside and breaded onion rings which is the most veg I've seen in there that isn't mushy pea or baked bean related. They do various fritters like banana and pineapple so I guess that's basically fruit salad 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's what I tell myself when I order anyway...

White fish, a green vegetable, some potatoes? Followed by fruit for dessert? That's healthy right!? Just ignore the grease and batter... it's just in different packaging

I hate this too. People often say 'just one won't hurt' or 'just a small bit won't make a difference' when I've politely declined something. Well of course one won't hurt, but the point is I'm a binge eater who struggles to maintain a healthy BMI, so if it's alright with you, I'm not going to eat that!

It's not 'boring', that's an odd choice of word for her to use. As has been said, she can still eat them even if you don't!

Hmmm I'm totally on your side OP, obviously she is being a bit awkward and you shouldn't eat something you don't want.

But - why don't you suggest another activity, instead of agreeing to a f+c meal that you don't plan to eat. Suggestions - a walk, another type of take away that you do want, beach day, outdoor work out.

You are being a bit awkward by insisting that sitting watching her eat would be fun for either of you. If she has rejected your other suggestions, she is being rude. If you haven't bothered to make any, you are being a bit rude.

It’s ironic that she is the one being deeply boring by banging in about fish and chips. Do you really want to spend time with her? In these times of limited opportunity to socialise I think I’d be bumping her down the list of priorities.

However, if two people both really enjoy a meal then it can be fun to eat it together - “isn’t this batter lovely and crispy? Oh, this place does the best chips!” etc so if she’s been craving a fish supper for a while I can se went she might want to share the experience. (After years of dating a vegetarian it was a revelation for me to be able to bond with my husband over a delicious steak dinner). Her problem is that you are not the person to share that experience with her and she needs to look elsewhere, not try to force you to be someone you are not.

Yes, I think the posters suggesting salad and grilled fish were in Aus. One of them said so.

YANBU, people like your friend do my head in.
Why do they feel the need to only be able to do/have something if you are too?
Just say no!
I'd probably have the fish and chips and go back on the healthy eating tomorrow, but it's totally up to you whether you do or not - your friend is being weird.

Agree OP, your friend sounds unreasonable. It’s one thing to have a treat, but why should it be on her terms? Surely it’s about seeing each other and not which sort of food you’re shovelling in at the time.

It's the same with me as a teetotal and people saying it's boring. It's not your responsibility to be anything other than what you fancy being and if she doesn't get that she isn't a friend.

I calorie count and run to maintain a healthy weight, but I also socialise with many friends around food. Whilst I wouldn’t pressurise a friend into eating something they don’t like or want, I have a friend who used to always invite me for a burger and gin midweek. Suddenly, she started Slimming World and our weekday meals got shelved because she was always ‘saving calories for the weekend’. Which tbh made me feel a bit like I wasn’t good enough company to ‘waste calories’ on as she would rather save everything to eat with her partner and gorge at the weekend. She’s not really into exercise or other social activities, didn’t want to come on a walk with me instead, for example, or go out for something healthier to eat. Now on Lockdown, she’s given up the diet and keeps texting me about meeting her for pub takeaways in the park.

In defence of your friend, if you’ve suddenly changed the way you socialise together, I can see why she might be a bit put out, and it sounds like she’s handling that badly by trying to pressure you. Just be firm and suggest a different activity.

Suddenly, she started Slimming World and our weekday meals got shelved because she was always ‘saving calories for the weekend’. Which tbh made me feel a bit like I wasn’t good enough company to ‘waste calories’ on as she would rather save everything to eat with her partner and gorge at the weekend
Yy I think there can be an undercurrent of this when people ditch usual patterns and feel the need to make a point about it.

I've been gradually losing weight for a year. When I meet friends, I don't mention it. I just order. There's nothing more tedious than someone having a big discussion about what they can't eat.

If you can't bear people to comment on your choices then don't make your choices a topic of conversation.

@ArgumentativeAardvaark - Australian chippies routinely sell grilled fish and have a salad option.
And generally it's not grim, it's nice and fresh - if not the most exciting salad in the world!

Why not just call her out on it...just say “that sounds like something a 13 year old would say to get me to have a fag behind the bike sheds! Anyway, would be great to meet, I’ll bring my own food though”

Why can't she get it and you have something else?

Haworthia, that poster said Australia.

@rainbowlou I had this all the time with drinking too. No one could understand why I liked being able to go out and drive myself home and wake feeling amazing, meanwhile they were all struggling to get out of bed with a hangover. No thanks!

No, you are right. I have lost 7lb during lock down but I have not mentioned it to ,my husband and he has not noticed.
If he knows he will start trying to tempt me with fattening food.
Some people will not want you to do well. Its sad but true.

[quote monkeyonthetable]@Branleuse - she doesn't bloody want them! Why should she eat unhealthy food she doesn't like, just to stop a friend from sulking?[/quote]
This with bells on!

I wish UK chippies sold grilled fish and salad... I would get takeaway a lot more often. Traditional fish and chips is obviously brilliant sometimes (with mushy peas = healthy) but not when you are permanently on a diet!

Did you suggest an alternative? I agree you should eat what you want and not be guilted into it, but maybe find something that you would be happy to use a few extra calories on and suggest that?