‘Go on, don’t be boring’

[HellloBambinos]

This is food related.

I’ve lost 10lb since lockdown and gone from an overweight BMI to a healthy one. I’d like to lose a little more weight but I love food so I’ve settled on sensible, healthy eating during the week and indulging a little on weekends. It’s been working great for me and I’m happy avoiding treats in the week.

A friend wants to meet this week and she wants to have a takeaway fish and chips picnic. I’ve said I’d love to meet up but I don’t want fish and chips and she said the above. She keeps going on about it. I’ve had other people do this before and it really pisses me off and makes it harder to be healthy.

AIBU to think this is really annoying or am I just a grumpy sod who needs to lighten up?

"I don’t want it to turn into a ‘thing’ but she keeps mentioning it and I keep subtly ignoring the references."
Don't be subtle, be blunt; it usually works a whole lot better with someone like her.

"Why do you think you can choose what I eat?"
"No, I don't want fish and chips I'd rather have ".
"Stop mentioning fish and chips, it makes you so boring."
"No."

Stand your ground op.

I can relate to you totally btw - not in terms of food but I'm teetotal and have had my share of "oh but not even just one?", "but it's a wedding", "but it's Christmas!" Etc etc. It's my choice to not consume alcohol and it's your choice to want to eat healthily whenever you want to. Yanbu.

Just tell her you don't like fish and chips. She's free to have whatever she wishes and so are you.

If you mention diet or healthy eating you'll be pestered endlessly to join in the "fun".

Yes people love to do this. A couple of friends have commented on how boring it is that I can't stuff my face or drink alcohol since I had a gastric band. I'm still the same person I just can't get pissed any more. I prefer non pissed me.

YANBU. I used to think the same, a small treat won't hurt, but I'm realising that it's a real mindset changing and you should stick to your routine, OP. Don't change it for anyone.

Why does it HAVE to be fish and chips? She sounds a bit controlling.

She’s not overweight at all, just normal (but yes skinner than me!) and eats what she wants without worrying.

I think the trouble with people like this is they often don’t really understand or appreciate with how hard dieting can be. She probably thinks you can just eat the same as her and no harm done - but maintaining weight and losing it are two different things. Also, from the way she’s going on she must really love fish and chips and simply can’t understand why you don’t want it as your treat rather than something else - lack of sympathy all round here from this friend. Is she like this in other ways where she just can’t see things from your perspective?

YANBU.

It's strange that she can only enjoy her fish and chips if you have fish and chips too.

Honestly at first I thought you were being a bit uptight, but as you said you're not even that keen on fish and chips, I think that's fair enough.

I wouldn't even bother discussing it with her anymore - just turn up with your own food and let her get her fish and chips if that's what floats her boat.

Well done for your weight loss! Wish I could loose weight I have been trying. Tell your friend no.

Just say - great, you get fish & chips for you and I'll bring what I want to eat. Then focus on where you'll picnic and all the catching up you want to do.

My friends do the same with alcohol when I say I'm not drinking

@Lazypuppy why should she change the routine that's working for her? What difference does it make to the "friend" what OP eats?

I can't imagine why you've even suggested she swaps her days, very odd!

OP well done, stick to your guns and eat what you like

surely you can't share food anyway due to social distancing so what does it matter what you have? I'd see if there was anything i fancied ordering at that chip show (our chippy also does chinese) but chip shop chips are not something i have ever particularly been into myself, so i wouldn't waste calories on them when I could have pizza instead.

My friends do the same with alcohol when I say I'm not drinking

Mine do too and it is really tedious. I am in another country where they don't give a shit about drink driving so even if you're driving they'll be permanently trying to push alcohol on you "Just one won't matter" and so on and so forth.
I do not drink and drive. That's the end of it. I don't drink ANYTHING when driving - it doesn't matter if one glass of wine early in the even won't put me over the limit.

Does anyone know why people do this when someone has said no to something? Why go on and on about it?

YANBU and, even if you liked fish and chips, the fact you've said you don't want it should be the end of the matter. You shouldn't have to 'have a treat' just because someone else wants you to eat what they want. Good friends don't pressurise people, they encourage them if, like you, they're trying to lose weight.

If she wants fish and chips, she can have them. Bring something else that suits you. You don't have to explain anything - your body, you choose what you put into it. Just tell her you're not having fish and chips, you'll have x and you're not discussing it any further.

emmathedilemma, I have a similar experience although in my case I've always been slim (and tall, so it's very obvious). Some people, if they see me eating fruit/veg etc, or a small portion, I get those comments about 'no wonder you're so slim if that's how you eat'; and if I eat a lot, or some cake, or chips, it's 'Oh, you're so lucky you can eat that and be your size, it's so unfair' blah blah blah.
Whatever and however much or little I eat, people seem to shift their perceptions and narrative to try to make it fit. It's really weird. And not a little tiring.

Tell her you don't want any, then eat half of hers anyway.

could you not get like a small cone of chips?

Or a portion of scampi, no chips?

To those suggesting OP swaps a weekend treat for a midweek treat, it's really not that simple when you're trying to deal with an emotional relationship with food. That takes a lot longer to redefine

could you not get like a small cone of chips?

Or a portion of scampi, no chips?

FFS. I give up!

@Branleuse - she doesn't bloody want them! Why should she eat unhealthy food she doesn't like, just to stop a friend from sulking?

Does anyone know why people do this when someone has said no to something? Why go on and on about it?

I think they see it as a swipe at their choices/lifestyle. If you don't make the same choice(s) you are therefore criticising their choice(s).

Branleuse, why should the OP eat something she doesn't want, just because her 'friend' is a pain in the arse?

I don't know how to make it appear in a post, but is anyone else thinking of now?

Ooh, and there she is, as if by magic