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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

‘Go on, don’t be boring’

286 replies

HellloBambinos · 02/06/2020 09:36

This is food related.

I’ve lost 10lb since lockdown and gone from an overweight BMI to a healthy one. I’d like to lose a little more weight but I love food so I’ve settled on sensible, healthy eating during the week and indulging a little on weekends. It’s been working great for me and I’m happy avoiding treats in the week.

A friend wants to meet this week and she wants to have a takeaway fish and chips picnic. I’ve said I’d love to meet up but I don’t want fish and chips and she said the above. She keeps going on about it. I’ve had other people do this before and it really pisses me off and makes it harder to be healthy.

AIBU to think this is really annoying or am I just a grumpy sod who needs to lighten up?

OP posts:
NeutrinoWrangler · 02/06/2020 10:07

It's "boring" when an adult can't leave other people in peace and tries to force them to eat what or when she prefers rather than respecting their decision.

Oldraver · 02/06/2020 10:11

I would bin off anyone who cant respect a perfectly valid choice

Calling you boring and going on about it would be the clincher

Yesmate · 02/06/2020 10:11

“I’m not going to have fish and chips but you crack on, I will bring my lunch with me. Can’t wait to see you”

Bundlemuffin · 02/06/2020 10:11

She sounds a bit weird and not very nice.

Why aren't you allowed to choose what you eat?

Why is she so invested in what you eat?

Why would eating fish and chips make you more "interesting" ? Does she get that much entertainment out of watching you eat fish and chips?

oohnicevase · 02/06/2020 10:12

I would have said I don't like it to be honest, then she has no argument ! Well done for the weight loss , I've lost about the same in lockdown and I wouldn't give in now .. breaking the back of it is enough to keep me on track ! Take your pasta salad and let her and the kids have fish and chips !

Bonzabaybee · 02/06/2020 10:13

Not very supportive is it. Why doesn’t she just make an alternative suggestion. Why does it HAVE to be fish and chips. She can eat chip shop food without you there, does she realise?

Eckhart · 02/06/2020 10:14

As another poster mentioned above, this is what teenagers do with drink and drugs. Peer pressure.

Your friend doesn't understand your point of view, so she doesn't respect it. I'd just laugh it off, and bin her if she's unsupportive about other things. You don't have to defend your decision not to eat fish and chips to her. Surely she can enjoy your company whether you're eating or not? Why does she need you to eat what she's eating?

I think a light hearted 'Me? Boring? Haha! Yeah, I'll come, but I'm not eating fish and chips.', on repeat, will do the trick.

Eckhart · 02/06/2020 10:15

Or in fact, just say 'Yep, by your standards I'm boring. Never mind!'

HellloBambinos · 02/06/2020 10:15

@IntermittentParps she called me boring! I said she could have fish and chips if she wanted but I’m not fussed over them and I’m trying to be healthy anyway.

I don’t want it to turn into a ‘thing’ but she keeps mentioning it and I keep subtly ignoring the references. She won’t want to bring our own picnics as she doesn’t really do cooking. Il definitely stand my ground but it just gets on my nerves cause it’s happened loads in the past too, not just with her.

OP posts:
CopperBeeches · 02/06/2020 10:15

Suggest an alternative fun picnic. "Great idea - I'd love a picnic - look why don't I make a couple of big salads/ bowl of chili/provide a microwave fish&veg - whatever you fancy and you bring fish & chips and we can have the picnic in my garden . It'll be great to see you Friend"

No need to turn it into a drama or a conspiracy.

Abetes · 02/06/2020 10:16

Don’t be pressured. Eat what you want and don’t give in. You’re not boring.

Inappropriatefemale · 02/06/2020 10:18

Not much of a mate at all, why can’t she have fish and chips and you have something different? Why does it affect her if you don’t eat the same?

Could she be jealous that your looking better and feeling better?

Member984815 · 02/06/2020 10:18

I have a friend like this , actively tries to push me to eat junk , i think it's because she has issues with food and body image

sonjadog · 02/06/2020 10:18

What are you going to eat? It might be more about she doesn't want to be the only one eating while you are sitting there looking at her, than it is about you having to eat fish and chips? Can you say "I'm not a big fan of fish and chips, so I will get x instead"?

Chochito · 02/06/2020 10:19

You can eat what you want and it's rude for your friend to comment.

Some people with restricted diets are a pain to socialise with.

If you are in U.K. I think at any picnics now it should be bring your own food?

mencken · 02/06/2020 10:19

'boring' 'good' 'naughty' - all the ridiculous messages around food that ONLY WOMEN USE. No food is unhealthy. No food is bad. Eating too many calories makes you fat. Eating fewer calories than you use means you lose weight - as the OP is doing.

your bitch of a friend needs a good socially-distanced slap. How dare she call you boring? Tell her that you'll be in touch when she stops the insults.

nettie434 · 02/06/2020 10:22

One of the few advantages of a lockdown meet up is that we can all eat what we choose and don't have to compromise over a choice of restaurant or cuisine. I wish I didn't like fish and chips so much Grin but I can see why you would want to save a treat for something you really like. Just bring whatever you want to eat and she can have her fish and chips.

Lordamighty · 02/06/2020 10:22

Yes, I have friend who was the same with alcohol. She is now an alcoholic who never leaves the house. Sometimes it’s about their own issues.

Socksontheradiatoragain · 02/06/2020 10:23

@Sexnotgender it's not the OP making a drama out of it.
I hear you @HellloBambinos I've always struggled with eg not ordering cake when I meet a friend for coffee. It's got easier with practice, and now I just say no, not for me thanks. I don't talk about the healthiness or otherwise, and if they want to feel bad about eating when I'm not, it's up to them.
Well done on your successful choices so far Flowers

Eckhart · 02/06/2020 10:23

Does she think that eating fish and chips when everyone else is eating fish and chips is what makes a person interesting?

I beg to differ.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/06/2020 10:24

You bring your food and let her have her fish and chips.

Fine if you're not eating them because you don't really like them. I'm sure you can find some other enjoyable picnic food to eat while you meet your friend.

But don't let your dieting success turn into inflexibility that will rule your life in that you can have a treat on a Saturday but can't allow yourself to eat that same food on a Thursday, or whenever.

Because social events etc happen at all times and if they do, you just swap the days or let yourself have one extra treat, because it really doesn't matter as a one off.

Or have a smaller portion to limit the excess calories. Takeaways being unhealthy/calorific are often as much to do with the excessive portion size, as what's in them. Just have a bit and stop when you are full rather than eating all of it.

IntermittentParps · 02/06/2020 10:25

OP, if you've clearly said you don't fancy fish and chips and she won't let up, then she's just being a weirdo. And what kind of person calls their friends boring? Confused

Personally I'd say, 'Look, this fish and chips thing is obviously an issue for you so let's just leave the picnic,' but I don't care about not seeing people/being blunt, especially if they're being rude.

If you do want to see her, maybe give it one last chance and say, 'I don't like fish and chips, but you bring some for you if you want and I'll bring something I like. See you then.' If she kicks off again then I'd bin her, honestly.

Khione · 02/06/2020 10:25

It used to help me when people pushed me to eat or drink something I'd decided not to.

I'm a contrary bugger and it just made my resolve stronger.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 02/06/2020 10:26

I assume your friend isn't thin then? There's a lot of people who are not happy with their own body shape, but not ready to deal with it yet, who dont like other people losing weight/toning up/getting fit. It might not be something the conciously think, but there's an element if you try and then couldn't stick to it, then it's fine for them not to try as there's no point. Or if you are both eating the same foods, then they aren't having the 'bad' ones.

Your mistake might have been to tell her you were losing weight/trying to not eat 'bad' foods.

I'd have gone with just agreeing to a picnic, saying you didn't fancy fish and chips, you don't really like them, so will bring your own picnic food. Then that's about not wanting to eat something because you dno't want to eat it, not because you do want to eat it, but you are "better" at self control.

As you come out of lockdown, sticking to the weight loss will get harder. If you have alot of overweight friends, you do need to approach how you talk about eating and food carefully not to upset or offend anyone making different life /diet choices.

Try to make everythign about your choice/dislike, not about not eating certain foods, making different choices because you are tryign to control your weight. Kinder to say you don't fancy X than aren't going to have it because you are watching what you eat. You just really think Y sounds yummy, not that it's less carby/calories than Z. You aren't hungry/you have just had a snack/you're not feeling 100% so will skip that 'treat' thanks.

IF you have this a lot in the past with friends, then perhaps you need to look at how you talk about food and the impression you give when discussing diet. Other people might notice you have lost weight, never ever mention it or say you are on a diet. You just don't fancy x/just not hungry.

ChilliCheese123 · 02/06/2020 10:28

Wow, normally mumsnet is an absolute bastion of intolerance for fussy eating. If I posted that my child wouldn’t want fish and chips on a day out and I had to bring her other food of her choice I’d probably get absolutely lambasted

But because OP is being ‘healthy’ it’s ok?

You aren’t going to stay skinny by restricting yourself forever by the way. Total one way ticket to yo yo dieting, weight up and down.