Aibu to let a hurtful comment from a stranger get to me so much

[metronome1]

As above really. Has this happened to anyone else?
Its sounds so pathetic and childish now I have actually wrote it down. Feel a bit like a teenager and I'm most definitely past that age. I'm 30 for goodness sake. I should just shrug nasty comments off and be resilient but unfortunately I can't stop thinking about it.

I was walking home from work with my little girl and a group of women were sat in a park I walk through. One of the women said something about my appearance and they all laughed. I just carried on walking with my dd but it did get to me.
I keep thinking about it since and feel really down about how I look and keep thinking that others probably think this about me too.

Do you just shrug hurtful comments off? If so how?

@vodkacranberryplease Fat shaming never works it just makes people like me feel even more ugly and worthless. I started to do C25K in lockdown and my 11 year old son said he would come with me, the second time I went out two men jogged past and one of them said "oh look all the fatties are out exercising now panicking about their weight". I was so ashamed in front of my son that we walked home and I didn't do it again, told my son I had pulled my calf muscle. I've put on another fucking 4lb since then so fat shaming doesn't spur us fatties on it makes us feel like shit.

OP I'm so sorry that this happened to you, please don't let them upset you. They are nasty people and extremely ugly on the inside.

I would have been like you, too shocked to say anything as it was so unexpected and uncalled for. What sad lives they must have.

In my job, I am sometimes insulted but can't react, have to stay professional. What I sometimes do (and it won't work all the time, it depends what they have said ) is kill any comments with kindness, they don't know how to react.

Someone says, 'you're ugly, fat, stupid, whatever', I would reply, 'oh, I know I'm really ugly...but I think you are really pretty!' Look right at them and sound really genuine. They get very confused and don't know what to say. It's a bit weird but has worked a few times now. Wind right out of sails. If they say it again or similar, you say, 'I know, I'm ugly. You have already said it but, as I said, you are really pretty'. Nothing gets to you. Their comments slide off like teflon. It can be very empowering.

@wilburforce1 you just reminded me someone was really rude to me aboutmy running quite recently -basically told me l am too fat to do it - he caught me offguard so l didn't think of a reply in time but in a way was worse cos l know him. But the next day l put my trainers back on and ran right past his house. Please carry on with it - arseholes like that have no right to speak to you like that. Just don't know who they think they are!

Can I just say I'm not defending fat shaming. I've never done it and never will. However sometimes you hear of people who changed their lives significantly after someone said something - of course 90% of the time it has the opposite effect.

As for getting put off what you were doing - fuck those people. Don't allow them to change what you are doing. They are scum. Go at night or done where less crowded till you feel confident,

Those poor women.
Imagine being that age, and being completely devoid of empathy, compassion, strength of character, and manners.

🙃

Fucking arseholes. Some bitch went last me and called me a name after I’d got out of her way last week. I was just astonished, like why ruin some stranger’s day? So nasty, so unnecessary.

Just remember, OP, they’re clearly lacking something in their lives to be so bloody horrible. You’re a far better person to have simply walked past without responding (even if it was cos you were shocked at their foulness!)

It’s unbelievable. Don’t think any more about their horrible comments. You’re better than this.

wilberforce 1 - please don’t be put off by those vile men. What complete losers.
I know we try to protect our children by hiding it when we’re upset. But perhaps a way to deal with it would be to talk to your son about it - to say that you felt upset & that’s normal, we all get upset when people say nasty things, but that you’ve decided that life is too short to let yourself be bullied. Then go running again!
I’m doing c25k at the moment. After 5 minutes I’m bright red sweating buckets and puffing and wheezing. I look like a walrus in a sauna. But it’s making me feel healthier! I hope you go out again. Don’t let those bastards stop you.

It is really horrible the abuse people have got from stranger's. What possesses people to be so awful.
@Wilberforce1 What a disgusting scumbag I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue if I heard the waster.
If you can't say something nice say nothing. I couldn't be friends or family with anyone who treated a person like that.

There will, sadly, always be people like this and the best thing to do is to ignore their nasty comments. Most of us have been a target at some stage (although one of the good things about getting older is that it seems to happen less). Please try to not think about it, just get on with enjoying your life - and remember that they can't have much joy in their lives if that is how they get their kicks!

They are vile, stupid individuals. You have to almost feel sorry for people who are that bitter and hateful.

Remember, to your little girl you are the most beautiful person in the world and that's all that matters.

I was racially attacked - not physically, the person was stopped in time - on the street once and it got me down, I was always stressed I would see the perpetrator who lived round the corner. But after a while it passed out of my head completely, and this will too.

@Vodkacranberryplease Can I just say I'm not defending fat shaming. I've never done it and never will. You've done it twice on this thread. There is nothing positive that comes from fat shaming. It is not motivational.

Op, ignore them. 💐

Opinions are like arseholes. It's not ok to ask Is it true? Also: Is it necessary? Is it kind?

Some of these stories are so sad I can’t get my head around the fact some people think it’s in any way ok to make these kind of comments. It really demonstrates the inaccuracy of the old cliche ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’. I hope you’re feeling better OP and can let go of the painful experience. What sad individuals they must be.

Wilberforce - please don’t let one arsehole put you off. Finding the motivation is so hard and you don’t deserve to have your efforts ruined by some mindless twat. Show your son that the man’s comments are meaningless and keep going! 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

YouJustDoYou - your post was so sad to read. Whether you believe it or not, you are beautiful. It might not be in a classical or conventional way but everyone has something beautiful about them. Please be kind to yourself.

You sound like a really lovely person OP, which is alot more than these woman were, you have alot going for you, as nice, pleasant people do, these women on the other hand are obviously not happy in their lives to carry on like that, so just pity them and be thankful that they are not part of your life 💓

@Crickets er actually no I haven't. If that's how you feel then obviously you're entitled to. To talk about a situation that happens doesn't imply that you condone it. It just means you've observed it. It was an example as the op had a nasty comment made and that's usually the most common as far as I can tell. Just because some people turn it around and make changes because they are so upset doesn't mean I think that's how everyone should react. Don't put words in my mouth.

I was getting on a bus once with my pram when 2 women also with Prams approached the bus stop (I was there first) one of them said “look there’s our bus” and the other one out of nowhere randomly shouted “yeah but we can’t get on it because that fat cow is getting on it!” Never seen them before in my life, I was so shocked and humiliated. I don’t know why people are so nasty sometimes

When I was around 500lbs, I was running through a parking lot while pushing my son in the cart to make him laugh. We were having a great time until a mom with her 2 teens started shouting "boom boom boom". But then I thought... Fuck her. We were having fun and if that was her reaction in front of her children because a fat person was running... Well she'll never be even close to as awesome as me 🤷

People see cunts... Be you, love you, fuck them

People ARE cunts 🤦

What nasty, tiny souls those people must have OP, and those comments say far more about them than it does about you.

If your daughter heard I'd have a very few light words to her about self worth and self respect, and that ignoring ignorant comments, in this type of instance, is the right thing to do. 🌹

Thanks again for taking the time to comment.

I'm so sorry to everyone on this thread that has experienced similar. Some of the stories are absolutely awful and heartbreaking. Forget those people. Fuck them.

Sammylady37
Your post was very eloquently written, I’m so sorry you’ve encountered so many nasty, obnoxious people. I really hope you found happiness

@Riddikulusness

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I’m now truly happy and content in myself. I’m also a normal weight- not thin but not overweight. But irrespective of that, I’m happy and confident. Again, thanks for your message, it’s appreciated.

it is really normal to be upset by such comments. But remember that in the end it is all in the mind and we can learn to cope with it better. But also remember that it is the people who make such comments who the problem and not you.

Bloody awful. Obviously they are insecure bitches to put other people down. Some people just dont grow up when they leave

What nasty bitches. Think carefully about the opinion of these women? Do you respect them, nope! So don’t give their unwanted opinions any heed. I know that’s easy for me to say. I’m sorry this has happened