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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to let a hurtful comment from a stranger get to me so much

208 replies

metronome1 · 01/06/2020 19:22

As above really. Has this happened to anyone else?
Its sounds so pathetic and childish now I have actually wrote it down. Feel a bit like a teenager and I'm most definitely past that age. I'm 30 for goodness sake. I should just shrug nasty comments off and be resilient but unfortunately I can't stop thinking about it.

I was walking home from work with my little girl and a group of women were sat in a park I walk through. One of the women said something about my appearance and they all laughed. I just carried on walking with my dd but it did get to me.
I keep thinking about it since and feel really down about how I look and keep thinking that others probably think this about me too.

Do you just shrug hurtful comments off? If so how?

OP posts:
Somewhereinthesky · 01/06/2020 20:09

I am so sorry this happened to you. I have felt hurt about something stranger did/said about me and yes, I have stewed on it in the past.

But think positively. People who dish out negative energy against people, especially strangers without any reason, are generally not happy people. Their opinion doesn't mean anything.

Honeyroar · 01/06/2020 20:10

You have to be lacking in a huge amount of intelligence and social skills to do something as rude and hateful as this. You are worth so much more than them.

Original poster
metronome1 · 01/06/2020 20:11

@Vodkacranberryplease
It wasn't about my weight. I'm a size 8 so I don't have that to worry about that. I can see what you mean, I wish I could change this about myself but I can't right now. Not that anyone should be fat shamed. It's disgusting.

Thanks everyone I do feel a bit better after reading all your comments. I realise it's not about me but it still hurts. I'm going to try the shower thing. Dh will think I have gone mad Grin.

OP posts:
CuppaZa · 01/06/2020 20:13

Sorry OP. Usually chavvy scum do things like this. I’ve had it before - I can assure you I’m very normal looking and it was unfounded. Some people are just evil

AnnaNimmity · 01/06/2020 20:13

oh dear OP. Yes I do shrug off nasty comments actually, although it took me until near middle age to get here. It definitely says more about the person saying them than you. People who make personal comments about another human being (particularly in public/to friends) are just insecure inadequate unpleasant people. Rise above it! As someone said, someone who is confident doesn't act like that.

I remember a really vile woman slagging off my autistic ds in order to get at me. and just thought, you must be so proud of yourself.

User782929 · 01/06/2020 20:14

I always believe in the saying if it hurts you then it hurts you so no you aren’t unreasonable to feel upset by it. What an unkind thing of them to do.

gypsywater · 01/06/2020 20:15

@EmeraldShamrock netmums is that way ->

Bluemoooon · 01/06/2020 20:16

I bet some of them felt bad. But in the moment laughed along to be part of the gang. I would have as I would put myself in the position of the receiver of the nastiness.

The best thing you can do is be happy and cheerful - making it clear to your DD that nonsense like that is of no consequence to you. Which if you think about it isn't really, is it? -- a meanie horrible woman making bullying spiteful comments - just feel sorry for her DD having a mum like that, poor thing. I feel sorry for her already.

PasserbyEffect · 01/06/2020 20:16

@WhiskersPete

What ever she said says a lot more about her than it does about you
This
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 01/06/2020 20:17

Some people never graduate from the playground, OP. You've doubtless seen how coronavirus has brought out the worst in people with all the self-appointed neighbourhood prefects gleefully policing their neighbours' comings and reporting them left, right and centre. The policing of other women's personal appearance is coming from exactly the same place. It's probably the only time these people have felt this powerful and important since leaving school.

I feel sorry for this kind of person, despite their unpleasantness. Who wants to be some tedious little conformist who lives to measure up to social standards of 'acceptable' femininity? Much less have those standards dictated to you by a bunch of arses like that.

Fuck that noise. Some of us have minds of our own. It doesn't matter what they said to OP, and it definitely doesn't matter what they think. In any of the ways that matter you're worth a lot more than any shallow, vapid oik who gets pleasure from making complete strangers unhappy. Be grateful you're not like them. I know which of you I'd rather know. Flowers Flowers

Soontobe60 · 01/06/2020 20:19

Morons! I'd probably have turned round and, with a sweet smile, asked them if they were talking to me. There's no need to be rude about how anyone looks. If a child passed comment and laughed about someone's appearance, most parents would tell their children that doing such a thing is unkind. Seems like these women haven't been brought up with any kindness.
Try to rise above it OP.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 01/06/2020 20:20

gypsywater

Use of the word chav has long been frowned upon on mumsnet. Perhaps it’s you who needs to join the nethuns?

Nameisthegame · 01/06/2020 20:21

My mum does this, always comments on clothing or how fat people are I find it soo embarrassing! It actually upsets me and I ve my mum and so kind and sweet I think it’s probably because her mum and dad always criticized her weight and clothing.

ItsSpittingEverybodyIn · 01/06/2020 20:21

They are lowlife idiots if they think it's OK to comment on someone's personal appearance like that op.

gypsywater · 01/06/2020 20:21

@TinklyLittleLaugh Grin

gypsywater · 01/06/2020 20:23

@Nameisthegame would she do it so they could actually hear her? Shock

Cheesecake53 · 01/06/2020 20:23

I second EmeraldShamrock and TinklyLittleLaugh in calling out the awful stereotyping comments of gypsywater.

Namechange8186 · 01/06/2020 20:24

Imagine behaving like that !

Forget them. says everything about the type of sad insecure bullies they are. Pathetic Flowers

Kittykat93 · 01/06/2020 20:24

Op please don't give them any more headspace. You had the misfortune of bumping into a bunch of wankers. They would have made a comment to whoever was walking past, it just happened to be you, please don't take it personally.

Fucking hate bullies. What the hell is wrong with people.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 01/06/2020 20:25

A wild tangent just out of curiosity having seen the mention of Nethuns above.

WHY is 'hun' sometimes spelled like that? As far as I know the only person who spelled 'honey' 'hunny' was Winnie the Pooh (the bear of very little brain).

Just idle curiosity on my part, but I'm interested to know where it came from.

PancakesAndSyrup · 01/06/2020 20:26

What horrible people! Fuck them op, who are they to make you feel bad about yourself? Hold your head up high lady Flowers

Mintjulia · 01/06/2020 20:28

And were these “ladies” beautifully dressed and turned out, elegant and the kind of people you aspire to be?

No? Thought not.

Why worry what a coven of mean-spirited ignorant nobodies say? Smile

Doihavetogotoworkdotcom1 · 01/06/2020 20:30

I’m so sorry that they were so horrible to you, I feel sad for you. Some people are just💩

WendyHoused · 01/06/2020 20:31

It's horrible, OP, and I sympathise. I was at a train station waiting for a friend and 2 young women (18-20 ish?) asked me for a light. I said no, I didn't have one and the lass replied "Have you ever heard of Weight Watchers, you fat cow?"

It was so out of the blue, so uncalled for, that I felt like I'd been slapped.

We all think of pithy rejoinders after the fact, but at the time I was stunned into silence.

My sympathy, chick.

sammylady37 · 01/06/2020 20:31

Oh op, I’m sorry this has happened to you. I know only too well how awful and upsetting it is. I used to be obese, and there were so many times complete strangers took the time to mock and insult me. Men and women. It was horrendous. And when you don’t particularly like yourself as you are, that sort of abuse only heightens your own self-loathing. It’s a truly vile thing to do to someone. I actually have tears in my eyes now as I think of some of the things that were said and even done to me, all because of my weight. But as countless others have said, this is all about them and not you. In my case, I’m no longer obese but everyone of those who insulted me is still, and will always be, a monumental asshole.