Aibu to let a hurtful comment from a stranger get to me so much

[metronome1]

As above really. Has this happened to anyone else?
Its sounds so pathetic and childish now I have actually wrote it down. Feel a bit like a teenager and I'm most definitely past that age. I'm 30 for goodness sake. I should just shrug nasty comments off and be resilient but unfortunately I can't stop thinking about it.

I was walking home from work with my little girl and a group of women were sat in a park I walk through. One of the women said something about my appearance and they all laughed. I just carried on walking with my dd but it did get to me.
I keep thinking about it since and feel really down about how I look and keep thinking that others probably think this about me too.

Do you just shrug hurtful comments off? If so how?

Sadly some people get their kicks from ‘kicking’ others, definitely says more about them than you. Head up, give yourself a gold star for behaving better than them.

I think at the moment comments like this have more of an effect because we have fewer 'ordinary' interactions. In the same way, more people have to go to the park because they can't sit in cafe or bar being rude about other people. It is odd to hear groups of adult women being so childish. They are probably bored, although they would not admit it. Have some for after you have showered them away.

It had nothing to do with you but tells you everything you need to know about her. All she did is demonstrate in front of her friends what her insecurities are.

@gypsywater I don’t think she believes they can hear her, it’s stuff like I don’t understand how someone could get so over weight etc. not like look at that fattie but I find it deeply embarrassing

OP that is completely and utterly pathetic, a bunch of grown women in their 30s carrying on like that? I know 17 year olds with more maturity. I am embarrassed for them.

By the way... I wish I was a size 8 like you! X

Me and my sister have both been overweight and she hasn’t said anything. I don’t think she intends to hurt anyone.

The awful punishment those people will bring upon themselves is that they will grow older and older believing that everyone else thinks as they do and that everyone else is really being as nasty to them and about them as they are about other people. I've actually met someone who was like this, happily reminiscing about how they used to sneer at people for looking old and ugly and tired and badly dressed (in London during WW2) and then demanding sympathy because she thought people were really sneering at her for being old. (They weren't. She just could not imagine someone being kinder than she was. therefore in her mind, everyone really thought as badly of her as twenty-something her thought of well-turned out and sweet-looking old ladies.
You on the other hand will know that people like you exist and that most people wouldn't dream of being that cruel. And, what is just a good, your daughter will know that kindness exists too.

That’s f*ing horrible. What pathetic people. I’ve had that happen to me before (and I’m pretty certain I’m very normal looking!) and it’s a horrible feeling.

Am just thinking back now and the one time it was done horrible older bloke in a club - the week before on a night out I’d been chatted up loads...

Another time some girl on a train said something to her boyfriend. Again, not long after that a lovely (hot) guy was asking for my number.

The point isn’t that other people’s (or men’s) opinions about your appearance matter (they don’t) and this all when I was a bit younger, but the point is that just because some vacuous, emotionally barren individual decides to make a snide comment about a stranger, doesn’t mean it reflects some real life truth or that anyone else thinks the same.

And whatever anyone looks like, it’s no business or concern of anyone else’s, and is not a valid or meaningful thing to judge another person on. We are not the sum of our bodies.

It 100% says more about them than you. They sounds like a bunch of insecure beavis & butthead sniggering twats. What lives of vile negativity they must lead.

Ignore them and move on with your head held high!

@Vodkacranberryplease

For example fat shaming is appalling but sometimes it spurs people into doing something - which has the end result of benefitting the person who was fat shamed but not the person commenting. Which seems to me like a good outcome. Because being very overweight is never a good idea

Yes, Fat shaming IS appalling - so STOP doing it.

I'm sure there are things about you I could make nasty comments about and I assume you'd be fine with that and change them immediately ?

I would happily give people like you my illness/condition and resulting weight gain (and inability to lose weight) and let you see how 'inspiring' it feels to be 'abused' (calling it it 'fat shaming' minimises this behaviour) when you're simply going about your day, minding your own business.

Of course you assumed it was about the OP's weight, that's a reflection on YOUR attitude.

Ignore the twats
When I was pregnant with my first I left the house one day and there were a couple of men walking along behind me they literally took the piss the whole way down the road about the size of my bum , really disgusting comments
I was a teenager and I was so so upset till I turned as I crossed the road and they just looked suddenly pathetic and certainly not perfect specimens themselves

Some people are just arseholes ignore them please xx

You have my sympathy. Many years ago when I was in my early 20s and probably looking as good as I was ever going to look I went out during my work lunch hour to go shopping in Central London. I held the door to a department store open for a couple of my own age to walk through and as they did the man smiled warmly at me and then said to his girlfriend: 'If you ever get as fat as this ugly b*tch I'll leave you.' I was somewhere between a size 12 and 14, a strapping sporty lass.

I knew it was all about him being a vile human being. I know it was probably an angry reaction at having a door opened for him by a woman. But despite that I still feel the echo of the utter shame and shock as my self-esteem dropped to the floor. But it's only the echo. Have a hug. You're fine as you are.

She's either jealous. I certainly don't need it want to put other people down to make my self feel better. I'm sure you don't either.
She said it to get a reaction and look 'ard in front of her friends.
Sadly some women never leave the play ground.
I can promise you she wouldn't have dreamt of opening her big trout if she was on her own.
She'll ope n her mouth to wrong person one day. What's the saying.
"Those who go out looking for trouble have a very short walk."

Like others have said, it says more about them than you. Some people haven’t grown out of silly playground nonsense. Sorry that this happened to you. Have you got a close friend you can confide in to get a different perspective? What would your closest friends say about you? Focus on those things more than a random stranger showing off.

@gypsywater Enjoy your trip >>> 👋

@metronome1

I'm sorry you had to deal with that today, and your DD.

I think when you have little ones with you it's easier to ignore them and walk away. But I have found that telling them I was once a healthy, slim (insert whatever they're picking on reversed) 20 something, until I got ill with xyz and hoped that if it happened to them the people they encountered would be kinder. (Or less fucking obnoxious).

I hope you are able to make a good recovery from your illness 🌷

Absolute babies. Not normal to do that as grown adult women.They are the weirdos.

Bunch of bitches. Try and ignore. Although I, in my forties would to be hurt. So you are not being unreasonable and there is no such thing as being able to shrug it off because you are in your thirties. Regardless of age we are all human and have feelings. But do ignore them.

Don't let the bastards get you down. Some people are just foul.
Many years ago I was with my family at the beach and two young women walked past and one said to the other if I get as far as that, id kill myself.

I was dreaming up cutting retorts for months but in that moment I just felt utterly humiliated.

I've come to understand that when a stranger makes a ride comment at you, they are actually saying hi there, I'm a pathetic sack of shit who can only escape my self loathing by lashing out at others. Please punch me.

Ok, maybe that last bit is wishful thinking.

Why is the word chav frowned upon?

Fat not far.
Every bloody post does autocorrect decide it knows better than I do

I like to think that actually, you’re lucky to be so hurt by a comment like that, because that means you’re a decent human being. They have to live their lives being horrible people, no matter how happy they think they are, something has happened to make them ugly on the inside and it WILL show through. They are only making themselves look ridiculous- not you. They are probably the school bullies who had shit childhoods and took it out on everyone else, and have never grown out of it. Really in the long run they are missing out, because they’re cunts and cunts always get their come uppance, somehow.
I always tell myself this when customers are horrible to me at work. I don’t think people realize what an absolute tit they make of themselves sometimes when they think they have the ‘upper hand’. They can NEVER have the upper hand when the person they’re dishing it to thinks they’re a total joke. You want to say I’m shit at my job etc? Go ahead. I literally smile at people now, maybe a little giggle, let them see me make a comment under my breath to a colleague. Make THEM feel small. They hate it.

My sympathies OP. People can he total shits sometimes. They only do it because it makes them feel big. What's the betting they wouldn't do if they were by themselves,and not in the company of several other people? I have had this done a few times,and although it's hurtful for a while,after a few days I just shrug it off as pure ignorance.

Honestly OP don't let them get you down. They are immature spineless cows, these are not people with an important opinion.
See yourself from your beautiful DD's eyes you're her everything life is short give her a big cuddle and remember the important stuff.

@Vodkacranberryplease For example fat shaming is appalling but sometimes it spurs people into doing something - which has the end result of benefitting the person who was fat shamed but not the person commenting. Which seems to me like a good outcome. Because being very overweight is never a good idea

Fat shaming never spurs people into doing something about their weight. Do you truly believe that fat people don't know they are fat??? That somehow, some stranger on the street, or even someone the person knows and loves yelling out "Oooh, you're a disgusting cow. Lose some weight." is going to make them suddenly realize they're fat? No, it likely will have the opposite effect, and drive them to a session of binge eating.

OP, I don't know if this is any consolation, but my grandmother had what is termed a "near death experience". She said that one the things experienced was seeing every thought and action she'd ever had, and the effect they had on others. She said you experience the other person's emotions and pain, as a result of your thoughts and action, at that time. It doesn't make things easier, but, there is no free lunch.

Why is the word chav frowned upon? Start a thread asking why? Wear your hard hat this is not the thread for it.