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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to let a hurtful comment from a stranger get to me so much

208 replies

metronome1 · 01/06/2020 19:22

As above really. Has this happened to anyone else?
Its sounds so pathetic and childish now I have actually wrote it down. Feel a bit like a teenager and I'm most definitely past that age. I'm 30 for goodness sake. I should just shrug nasty comments off and be resilient but unfortunately I can't stop thinking about it.

I was walking home from work with my little girl and a group of women were sat in a park I walk through. One of the women said something about my appearance and they all laughed. I just carried on walking with my dd but it did get to me.
I keep thinking about it since and feel really down about how I look and keep thinking that others probably think this about me too.

Do you just shrug hurtful comments off? If so how?

OP posts:
PeppaChic · 01/06/2020 19:50

They sound horrid. They should be ashamed of themselves, not you. Hope you’re okay x

Mangofandangoo · 01/06/2020 19:51

Sorry Op, people can be utter dickheads at times. She was probably showing off to her mates and just picked you because you were the closest person- people are strange

Perisoire · 01/06/2020 19:52

What did they say, OP? Let us ridicule them for you.

seriousandloyal · 01/06/2020 19:55

Some people are just horrible OP, they would have made a nasty comment about anyone walking past because that's how they they get attention from their equally nasty mates.
Don't give them a second thought, they really are not worth it.

Eckhart · 01/06/2020 19:56

Do you really want to put your self esteem in their hands? To give them the choice about how you feel? To let them have that power over you?

Was it true, what they said? Did they hit a nerve? If that's the case you need to have a look at the nerve, and remind yourself that, aside from that trait, there are also loads of amazing things about you. Because otherwise, they may have triggered it, but it's you who is continuing to insult you.

LittlePeepoToy · 01/06/2020 19:57

That’s absolutely shit op. What a sad nasty bunch of people though if that’s how get their kicks - very sad.
It’s hard not to take things to heart but know you wouldn’t do that to others so therefore you are a better human being than them.

CrouchingTraceyHiddenLadders · 01/06/2020 19:57

I had a horrible comment made about my weight (I'm fat) by a group of men who all laughed. It was humiliating, I had my youngest son with me and it upset him, too. This was more than ten years ago and I still cringe at the memory. These days I'd tell them to eff off (I'm still fat)

So sorry you had this happen OP especially with your youngster with you. Sad

ChateauMargaux · 01/06/2020 19:57

You don't have to repeat it. I am sorry you were hurt by complete strangers who felt it was OK to comment loudly in public. How awful.. Give your daughter an extra tight hug and maybe think of all of the things that have gone OK today.

PolloDePrimavera · 01/06/2020 19:59

Bunch of pathetic bitches. People who are confident in themselves don't make fun of other people. If you see them again, flick the Vs from me .

AwwDontGo · 01/06/2020 19:59

Are you really really sure it was about you.

Did you hear ‘look at that fat woman’ then laughter.

But did they say ‘ I heard this funny joke........ Blah, blah, blah‘ and the Punchline was ‘look at that fat woman’ then laughter.

totallyyesno · 01/06/2020 20:00

I'm sorry OP. I've had similar so I totally understand. What a sad idiot.

Likethebattle · 01/06/2020 20:00

My husband has photosensitivity and therefore wears a baseball cap in the sun. A bunch of neds (chavs in England) who were breaching social distancing walked past us and made a comment like ‘nice hat mate’ and then they all laughed in a horrible way. DH looked embarrassed but I just said loudly ‘i love that hat and at leasryou can take it off they’re stuck with those looks!’ I really should be more careful about commenting back though.

MrsGrindah · 01/06/2020 20:00

Like that idea about showering the negativity away. I might try that.

custardbear · 01/06/2020 20:01

Nasty little bitches- dare I ask what they said, not that it matters. In those situations I think of all the things I could have said at the time and kick myself but the fact it's so nasty it's difficult to react because you're a little too shocked!
Try to move on ThanksStarGin

Original poster
metronome1 · 01/06/2020 20:02

I'd rather not repeat what they said as it is pretty outing if anyone on here knows me.
Basically I can't change it right now. Im undergoing medical treatment which has changed my appearance in a couple of ways and they pointed that out and likened me to a fictional character (not a nice one)

OP posts:
mbosnz · 01/06/2020 20:02

They may be adult in years, but they are still the nasty little mean girls they were in high school in terms of maturity and class. (They're the kind that develop those mean lines around their mouths real quick, incidentally, having done something of a study of this, lol).

Whatever they said - it's all about them and their nasty little insecurities, nothing about you, about whom they know nothing.

EmeraldShamrock · 01/06/2020 20:03

Ignore them fucking cows I'm sorry they upset you. I can understand you're upset they were petty immature and judgy.

@gypsywater Was she a chav? Its pure low end behaviour
Why would you say this? There are mean judgey obnoxious people from all walks of life. Your comment is mean too.

RedCouch · 01/06/2020 20:03

Like others have said it says far more about them than it does you OP! I'm sure you look lovely and it is their own insecurities that made them even think to comment on you. They must hate themselves deep down.

gypsywater · 01/06/2020 20:04

This reply has been deleted

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mbosnz · 01/06/2020 20:04

Oh, and with the shower thing - quite often I'll have a 'conversation' with someone about something they've done that upset me, when I'm in the shower. It really does help.

(DH also knows not to come in the bathroom if I'm talking to nobody in the shower. . .)

Vodkacranberryplease · 01/06/2020 20:04

Nope, not normal. Very much not, in my world. A very bad reflection on them and none at all on you.

However IF the content was about something you are already uncomfortable about and could do something about and it's really got to you it might be tine to think about doing something about it. For YOU.

For example fat shaming is appalling but sometimes it spurs people into doing something - which has the end result of benefitting the person who was fat shamed but not the person commenting. Which seems to me like a good outcome. Because being very overweight is never a good idea.

Meggie2008 · 01/06/2020 20:07

Eugh I hate people like this. How bad must you feel about yourself to feel the need to slag off someone else? Its just a reflective measure to make themselves feel better.
I'd have had a go at them, but I'm a gobby bitch 😂

TinklyLittleLaugh · 01/06/2020 20:07

How did you react OP and did you say anything to your daughter? Is it worth trying to turn it into a positive by using it to teach resilience and kindness? I could understand if you would prefer to try and forget about it.

EmeraldShamrock · 01/06/2020 20:07

@gypsywater No I won't what makes you so superior or superficial.

mumwon · 01/06/2020 20:08

@Likethebattle - that sounds a bit like the kind of thing I would say (ie opens mouth before brain into gear = in case you get beaten up & dh muttering just ignore for goodness sake! - ) - but I love that you did it!!
Op people who say things like this are immature & performing to their friends & trying to big themselves up - they are contemptible & have no right to belittle or make you or anybody else uncomfortable. It says far more about them than it does about you