Aibu to let a hurtful comment from a stranger get to me so much

[metronome1]

As above really. Has this happened to anyone else?
Its sounds so pathetic and childish now I have actually wrote it down. Feel a bit like a teenager and I'm most definitely past that age. I'm 30 for goodness sake. I should just shrug nasty comments off and be resilient but unfortunately I can't stop thinking about it.

I was walking home from work with my little girl and a group of women were sat in a park I walk through. One of the women said something about my appearance and they all laughed. I just carried on walking with my dd but it did get to me.
I keep thinking about it since and feel really down about how I look and keep thinking that others probably think this about me too.

Do you just shrug hurtful comments off? If so how?

That's awful what horrible bitches. Says more about them. Try your best to ignore the little cows

It’s like people who bully those of a ‘lower status’ to them - the kids who bully SEN or disabled kids etc . What they’re really doing isn’t asserting their superiority, but showing their utter ignorance.

@CrouchingTraceyHiddenLadders I would have said ‘hmm I canlose weight but you’ll still be a Cunt!’ Big smile and stride off.

I’m sorry to hear that.

Someone once commented on hairs coming out of a mole on my face, I’ve never forgotten even though it was over 20 years ago.

Let me pay you a compliment- you write nicely, it’s lovely to see!

Vodka: ‘For example fat shaming is appalling but sometimes it spurs people into doing something - which has the end result of benefitting the person who was fat shamed but not the person commenting. Which seems to me like a good outcome. Because being very overweight is never a good idea.’

Do you have any evidence for this? I have a certain amount of expertise in motivation and what builds motivation to change and my understanding is that shame pretty much has the opposite effect - but please do share if you have read something I haven’t.

Could they have been jealous?

It’s like people who bully those of a ‘lower status’ to them yes like calling them a Chav and some people still wonder why it is derogatory language.
Winterlife Your grandmother is very wise I like I love that.

Depends what was said.

I have overheard many comments about me, from lovely to questionable. In a non conceited way - strangers compliment me a lot so any negativity gets balanced out.

I get height comments on occasion eg “I feel really tall now” after I walk past them. I’ve also heard “she would be perfect....if she was taller” or saying “I have that maxi dress, it’s a midi on me though” to their friend. These don’t really bother me though.

I’m 22 and overhead someone say they thought I looked like a celeb. I googled the celeb and they looked quite old - they’re 40+ but looked older. That played on my mind because I was seeing the first signs of ageing and wondered if I looked older. But then my friend said they probably meant the celeb when they were younger & at the height of their career. I look nothing like her regardless!

@EmeraldShamrock I’ve never used the word chav once in any of my posts? Wtf?

How horrible, that must have been really hurtful.
Why would you tear another person down like that?

op they know nothing about you.do they know your kindness.do they know your love for your dd.do they know you can cook a mean shephards pie or do the hoola hoops ten times.do they no you can bitch like the rest of them but choose not to because your not a BITXCH.no.because it says everything about them that they know nothing of you and look at your outer and make comments.it says all about who they are.its doesnt even say anything on your looks.because you are one of you and that imeans your absolutely gorgeous.

It's pretty low behaviour regardless of what it was about and frankly they are immature bitches. Nasty little cows tend to get their comeuppance in the end. They feel like other people are talking about them the way they do about others and it's a pretty shitty feeling for them.

In the meantime they are literally nothing to you. What they think or don't think makes zero difference. One of these days they will do it to someone who is going to make their life VERY uncomfortable.

plus it can often mean they are jealous of how comfortable and lovely you looked,they dont and so want to bring you down or make tghemselvw feel better by shitting on you

@ChilliCheese123 I didn't say you called anyone a chav. A previous poster did and another asked why the word was frowned upon. Have you rtt?

I didn't get many new clothes when I was young. I was wearing a new dress that my mum had made, a green striped dress with a nipped in waist, and I was feeling pretty good.

Until I walked past a couple of girls around my age (17), and one said 'that dress looks like it's made of mattress ticking.' Never wore it again. But age has given me a little more panache (and, incidentally, made me a little bit deaf!).

Although i did nearly swing for a bloke who said 'Christ, look at the nose on that!' a year or so ago. It hurt. But I can't change how I look, and I wasn't exactly begging him to date me so I don't know why he was so insulted by my hooter.

A woman in her car clearly said something about me recently, whilst stopped at lights as I walked past. She had turned round towards me and was laughing hysterically at me. I glared and carried on. Anyway, the next day spotted her again in the same place, but on her own. I glared at her again, and she couldn’t look anywhere near me! She was clearly just a bitch, like these idiots for you. Brave in a group, but just bullies. Try not to give it another thought. Karma is a bitch, and they will get theirs one day.

Well this is horrible OP, it is awful that people do this and you must be feeling sad, hurt and possibly a bit angry too. As others have mentioned, this kind of behaviour is always a reflection of the people making the comments, rather than the person who is being commented on. It is absolutely not pathetic or childish to have the thoughts and feelings that you are having from this incident. It is an entirely human response that everyone on the planet has experienced at some point.

You did say something quite interesting. You mention that you wouldn't have cared if these people were teenagers rather than adults, presumably because you could dismiss their comments. But since these people were older, you feel differently - because somehow, you have bought in to their criticism of you. If you think about this a little more, you might be able to identify what it is about their comment that you believe to be true or in some way valid. Understanding this might be the key to letting go of the bad feeling.

How mean.

Try to ignore them, they probably do it all the time. It reflects on them badly.

How cruel. I'm really sorry this happened to you. I've had horrible comments from strangers before and it's so shocking and upsetting.

Some people are utter shits who try to make themselves feel better then others by lashing out.

Thank you all for your lovely, kind comments and advice.

They are bitchy. That tells me all about them and nothing about you, except that you have normal human feelings. Hold your head high and have a hug. ()

Smart decent people don’t behave like this. 💐

Whatever they said OP, I hope you won't agonise over it. When I look back on how I have reacted to things people have said about me, my main wish is that I had realised that what they said was not true, or was at most the limited and distorted perspective of a brief encounter. Don't carry it with it you, not just because they aren't worth your attention but because it isn't true. Whatever they said, that isn't you. Even if you suspect something about your appearance prompted it, I can assure you their brief glimpse of you did not enable them to reliably form even a superficial impression.

On the other hand, if I was sitting on benches slagging on strangers within earshot in my twenties? That's something people should dwell on. I doubt there is any coming back from that really.

Ps. even though I give whatever these people say zero credence, I still would have been in mumsnet terms incandescent with rage that they would risk hurting your feelings. It's a good job I wasn't there or there might have been drama that involved a breach of social distancing. . Five mins later I would have regretted it and realised that people so far below us are not worth the trouble, which is of course true.

YANBU to have an emotional response to a cruel comment. Some people are horrible, and anyone who has the misfortune to come across them will walk away feeling worse for the experience. They look at the world through a lens of ugliness, so that's all they see.

There's something seriously wrong with someone like that-- something wrong with her, not you or anyone else she insults. It's tempting to give tit for tat, but we're probably better off ignoring and trying to forget them (and being grateful that we aren't exposed to such viciousness often, if we aren't).

@ChilliCheese123 I apologise if I confused you by highlighting part of your post. I thought your posts were very helpful spot on for the OP.
@Inkpaperstars Fairplay give em socks.